How to pick up a girl on the dance floor
Dancefloor Game Demystified. How to Meet Girls Clubbing | by Jonathan Roseland
How to Meet Girls ClubbingUpdate: Is dancefloor game now irrelevant with nightclubs and bars closed thanks to COVID-19? It depends on where you are in the world. If coronavirus has got your dating life on lockdown, you’ll want to read my new book, Don’t Stick Your Dick in a Blender, which has a chapter all about Dating in the Post-COVID-19 Era.
Dancefloor game should ideally be a combination of silliness that’s going to add fun, joking banter, and sexually intentful dancing.
In the classic film Hitch, when asked about the dancing, the Pickup Artist (played by Will Smith), more or less advises his bumbling student, no dancing. A lot of guys have taken his advice and simply ignore the dance floor.The dancefloor can be a confusing place…
Girls you have barely just met will dry hump you, kiss you passionately, give you their real number and then never text you back, a guy will ignore his girlfriend for 20 minutes but then be seething angry at you saying hi to her or a girl sitting alone who clearly spent hours getting ready will ignore all social courtesy and refuse to have a conversation with you.
By the end of this article…
The dance floor will be demystified for you; you will know how to use it to create the sexual tension, emotional spikes, physical momentum, and even a bit of the jealousy that seduction requires.
This article is my brain dump from +12 years of clubbing, on multiple continents and countries and I also worked in nightclubs for 4 years as a promoter throwing parties. So I’ve been an observer of everything from really great dancefloor game to just abysmal performances. I enjoy dancing and the relationships that can result from the dance floor. My foremost passions for many years have been personal development and healthy living; so actually, a lot of this time spent on the dance floor I was totally sober, I’m not a recovering alcoholic but I do frequent periods of intermittent sobriety. As a quintessential geek, my sober, over-analytical mind refused to accept that picking up chicks at a club was just a matter of playing the numbers. So my dance floor game has developed as a result of my passion for processes that produce consistent results.
Before we get practical, let’s discuss briefly how the dance floor plays a role in pickup theory…
‘Natural Game’ Interactions
x27;Natural Game' Interactions, 1. What's Amusing or Curiosity Provoking to You Right Now, 2. Something…
- There are few things that girls find more fun than a night on the dance floor, if you know how to cut loose on the dance floor and hold her attention she’s going to associate that fun with you.
- It undeniably accelerates the process of physical rapport (kino).
- I have a good job, I’m fairly responsible, and I was raised to be a gentleman so (probably like yourself) I used to always fall into the dreaded “provider frame” with the girls I liked; meaning that we end up spending a lot of money, going on a lot of dates and having to be approved by a girl’s friends before actually closing the deal. The dance floor is a place that I can show her I’m not just another ‘nice guy’ and help her perceive me more as the kind of sexy, fun guy that she wants to sleep with, NOW.
- If you think back on your personal “Sebastian’s List” (a dairy of girls you have slept with) for how many entries is dancing a part of the initial seduction? I bet it is for many of them.
- The dancefloor is a great place to practice ‘drawing state from within’ if you watch infield videos of world-class PUA’s they are really silly and obviously able to entertain themselves on the dance floor.
I’m very average in the looks department; I’m relatively short, skinny and a little cross eyed (photos below). Better looking guys do better at clubs, guys like me (and you?) have to make up for it with confidence, social calibration, fashion sense, persistence, and standing out by being a little outrageous.
The Secret to Approaching on a Dance floor or in a Club…
Once I while was sitting in an outdoor beach club in Costa Rica, I spied a sexy tourist dancing alone not far away. The club was a restaurant during the day so to approach her from the front I had to walk around a couple of these fancy cement tables. As I was confidently striding towards her, I hit my knee HARD, on the corner of one of the cement benches around a table (it was dark and I was a little drunk). I collapsed on the bench for a few minutes while pain throbbed through my leg, when the pain had subsided, the sexy tourist was still there dancing alone, so I hobbled over and actually danced with her.
The moral of the story is that you rarely get the opportunity to open a single girl, standing still, and facing you. The secret to overcoming this is elbows…
The best way to approach a girl in a club or on a dance floor is to lightly touch the elbow area of her arm; you can do this from the front, side or back; this is a really non-intrusive way to command her attention.
Elbows are also the best way to stop a ‘moving set’; a really common approach scenario you will face in clubs, is an attractive girl(s) walks past you, you are both in each other’s fields of vision for a moment, maybe you even make eye contact but she just struts past you on her way elsewhere. Instead of chasing her down to open her, simply put your arm out and lightly catch her inner arm (or elbow), as you do this keep your hand open and tap her arm with your fingers. Again you want to be smooth and light while doing this, not jerky and forceful, you’ll find that a lot of girls walking past you are interested in talking to you!
Girls really don’t like strange men in clubs grabbing their hands (I think Beyonce made a song about this actually), elbows are a way more low-pressure approach.
My favorite kind of music for dancefloor game, for a night of pickup given a choice between a hip hop club and an electronica club, I would always go with the hip hop club. It’s just a more sexual atmosphere, the girls that go to a hip hop club are more opted-in to the idea that they may have a sexual encounter with a stranger. While they might not admit it, most women have met boyfriends and sexual partners at bars and clubs.
It looks pretty simple, you just stand behind her and dry hump her butt, right? There’s a whole lot more to it than that, go ask some girls about it and they will tell you that some guys have skills with it and some guys don’t. Doing it the right way is going to get you all the closer to doing horizontally in a bed what you are pretending to do vertically on the dancefloor, minus all that annoying clothing.The Cardinal Rule of Bump’n Grind
She leads. Your job is to follow the booty.
Contrary to the way it may look, you shouldn’t actually dry hump her that much, you more want to just match her lateral movements. I would say that Bump’n grind is about 60% side to side rhythm, 40% thrusting dry humping.
Hands — One of the biggest mistakes made in this style of dance is going for her hands right away, it feels nice to hold her hands or waist while bump’n grinding, but if you don’t know the girl it’s something you have to work up physical compliance too (I know it seems weird that simulated doggy style sex with a complete stranger is lower on the physical compliance totem pole than hand-holding…). You want her to initiate the hand-holding, which she will as you build physical compliance and fun. Keep your hands on your hips or behind your back.
Facing her — You want to switch up your positions every few minutes so that you are grinding on each other while she is facing you.
- The reason you want to face her while dancing is it allows you to build a push-pull physical rhythm that’s going to create genuine sexual tension. Dancing facing her you can pull back and withdraw physically, allowing her to lean into you and be the physical aggressor.
- Lots of guys don’t do this, they just stand there, receive their vertical lap dances, and leave when she tells them she has to go.
- Also, you will probably enjoy the view of her from the front more than staring into the back of her head.
- Here’s when the hands come back into play, when you turn her around is a great time to work up some more physical compliance with the hands. Take her hands and put them behind your head so she can pull you in closer.
- At the point that I’m facing her, I actually introduce some simple swing or Latin dance moves; yes I swing dance to hip hop, this adds some fun, variety, and silliness to our interaction.
Behind the head hand slide — While holding hands, put your right hand behind her head, at the same time put her right hand (using your left hand) behind your head, then release hands, step back, slide your arms against each other, catch her hand and spin her.
Spin her into you — While holding hands, facing each other, move her right hand (with your left hand) up and towards the right, hold her other hand while at the same time she will spin (clockwise) into your body (so her back is facing you). Then reverse this movement and spin her counter-clockwise into your body.
Swing dancing is so effective at introducing variety and fun to your interactions on the dancefloor I think it’s worthwhile to take a swing class or go to a Swing dancing night and ask some girls to teach you some moves.
I often wondered why women enjoyed being dry-humped from behind so much… The theory I have is that women are way more empathic than men; they are constantly trying to feel what others are feeling, which emotionally is more work. Women’s only motivation for dancing is just to have fun and feel sexy. By dancing not looking at men they get to ignore the emotional burden of our feelings and instead just use men as sexual objects, indeed they can feel our sexual objects pushing through our pants. Just my theory though, agree or disagree with it in the comments.
Erections — Yes, you are going to get erections while dancing with women, this is OK (in fact if you don’t you should probably cut down on the porn viewing). It’s ok that she feels your erection while dancing with her.
Talk to her — You’ll start to notice that a lot of guys simply don’t talk to girls while dancing with them. They think it’s rude to ask questions, that they are interrupting something or it’s just so excited that a girl is dancing with them that they can’t come up with anything to say. Their loss!
You do want to talk to girls while dancing with them, this is a time for banter; really simple, silly conversation.
- Tell her she dances like a penguin or other animal
- Tell her she is really hot
- Call her a silly nickname
- Make fun of her purse or shoes
- Tell her what she looks like (an actress, movie character, etc)
Introductions — It’s perfectly fine to introduce yourself on the dance floor, early in the interaction, just make certain you remember her name, she’s going to forget your name about 80% of the time, which we have a way of playing to our advantage later… When you are ready to ask for her digits; you’ll suggest coffee or hanging out later, but before you give her your phone ask her what YOUR name is, when she doesn’t remember, act a little hurt, and then make her work for your attention a little.
What is my name? Do you remember my name? You forgot my name!
You need to use my name so you don’t forget it again. So tell me with a very sincere look:
_______ (Your name), I’m very lucky to meet a gentleman like you
Statements of intent — Due to the sexy nature of the interaction you can be a little more transparent about your statements of intent while on the dance floor.
“Somebody is unhappy with you…” — If you are having a good night dancing with a lot of different girls, you can tell dial up the sexiness with some jealousy by telling the girl you are dancing with that “You are making someone jealous…” or “somebody is not very happy with you…” they will, of course, want to know who. You won’t tell them. They may stop dancing and ask “Do you have a girlfriend” just respond unreactively “I don’t have a girlfriend but I have someone who isn’t very happy with you right now. ”
Logistical Questions — Who are they with? What are they celebrating? Where do they live? What are they doing tomorrow?
Does she like girls? — Here’s a sexy subject that’s going to get a lot of girls excited, also relationship advice experts agree that the best time to ask a girl if she’s interested in a threesome is when you first meet her. I found that as a nightclub promoter in a cosmopolitan city, Denver, about 50%-60% of the younger, single girls I knew were at least a little gay (felt attraction for or had sexually experimented with other girls). When I lived in Colombia in South America, girls were very opposed to the idea of experimenting (Solo hombres!). I think this mostly has to do with religion but I’d love to hear some opinions in the comments below.
A great way of killing the sexual tension is to hold each other close and dance really seriously the whole time. Add some fun with these silly dance moves:
The Double Dance — A lot of times at a club you’ll see two hot girls dancing alone with each other just soaking up the attention of the longing gazes of all the dudes in the club, the way to approach is to try to dance with both of them at the same time. Once in Belgrade, I was at a belly dancing show at a late-night cafe, there were a couple of performers but there was only one set in the club, two very sexy young girls breaking it down to the Arabian beats. None of the Serbian or Turkish guys in the club had had enough to drink to approach them. Just trying to engage one of them would surely result in a blowout, so I walked up, tapped their elbows, put both their arms over my shoulders, and told them I wanted to dance… with both of them! The one who spoke the most English began congruence testing me almost immediately, which I responded to with cocky nonsense (you can be all the more nonsensical with girls who don’t speak very good English), and she actually kind of hooked.
I use this opener all the time now and it works more often than not. Unless you’re in Colombia, rarely will both girls dance with you, usually they both laugh, one will start dancing or talking with you.
Friendship between Umbrellas and Bicycles — One of my favorite moves, I tell girls I’m dancing with “in my country, we have a special festival for friendship between Umbrellas and Bicycles” which they always laugh at, then I tell them about the special dance that goes with it.
- With my hands, I pretend I’m opening an umbrella above my head
- With one foot I pretend I’m pedaling a bicycle
- Then both at the same time while spinning around on one foot (which requires decent balance)
of course, this looks ridiculous, which is why I insist the girl does it with me
Disco Eyes — Basically you flash your 2 fingers in front of your eyes like a disco dancer, spank yourself on the butt and then blow a kiss at her with the same hand.
Bootie Bump — Position yourself next to a girl dancing and pump hips or buttocks laterally. This works great for approaching as well.
Kung Fool — So basically you want to start dancing like you are having a Kung Fu battle with her. Use all those corny kung fu moves you remember from badly dubbed movies!
Techno clubs, shows, and festivals turn the music volume up to ridiculous levels which can make it nearly impossible to have a conversation unless your mouth is right up to her ear so I suggest pulling a few silly moves on the dancefloor to catch her attention. EDM divas are generally less compliant on the dancefloor; they are more likely to want to ‘just dance alone’ or have a silly Kung Fu-Esque dance battle with you.
The good news is that EDM guys are kind of pussies and there’s a good chance you may be the only guy that cold approaches a given hot girl all night, also girls out dancing with their girlfriends aren’t so protective in this scene.
Try to work up some physical compliance either by holding hands while facing each other or bump’n grinding, it will work about 50% of the time in this kind of environment.
Even though the music is loud you don’t want to be completely non-conversational during this stage though; you want to establish a little bit of rhythm between high energy dancing and then closing the distance between you to banter with her. This is not really the time or place for verbal game, instead, you want to make bold or silly statements that will hook her attention, like the ones referenced above.
If you get physical compliance after a few minutes suggest some fresh air or a drink (I prefer fresh air), emphasize the brevity of the little trip together you are proposing (time constraint, you have to go find your friends in the venue or text somebody). If she accepts lead her to an outdoor patio or quieter area by a bar for some actual conversation, if you are still detecting some physical timidity don’t go for holding hands, instead just offer her your elbow old school gentleman style.
If you don’t get physical compliance, don’t worry it’s not that big of a sign either way in this environment, if you feel like you’ve hooked her attention, still invite her to get some fresh air.
Either way, if she declines your proposed mini excursion, go for the number close, we all know a lot of these kinds of numbers flake but with good text game sometimes we can get them out on a Day Two. So it’s worth the 60 seconds it takes to get her digits and the 30 seconds it takes the next day to text her.
If you are going to go hard on the dancefloor, it’s important to stretch before and after. Spending 5 minutes stretching in your house (or in the club’s bathroom) before you hit the dance floor is going to make you more limber, fluid, and fun on the dancefloor. Stretching afterward is equally important, I’ve woken up to some excruciatingly painful cramps after a night of bump’n grinding with girls, which are easily prevented with stretching before bed and sufficient hydration.
Honestly, this is not a place that I’m an expert, of my group of expat friends in Colombia the ones who devoted their cultural adaption time to learning Spanish did better with the girls than the ones who devoted this time to learning salsa dancing.
The primary benefit I see with salsa and Latin dance is that the girls are more likely to dance with you, with hip hop and electronica you may need to ask 5–6 girls to dance before you actually hook one. With salsa, the majority of the girls you ask to dance will say yes and then you have her attention for at least the next 2–4 minutes.
The best Latin dance for pick up is bachata, it’s a whole lot closer and more sexual, less big swinging movements, you basically shuffle back and forth while lifting up your inner leg while holding her close enough to have a decent conversation. Most Latin clubs will play some bachata music over the course of the night.
The disadvantage is that salsa is less sexual and it’s pretty tricky to have a conversation while salsa dancing.
You are going to have to be more upfront with your statements of intent, a lot of guys go salsa dancing just because they enjoy dancing, I know some gay guys who are awesome dancers and tear it up with the girls at straight salsa clubs.
You’ll quickly notice that the best salsa dancers are usually the most popular, so you need to learn to salsa dance to compete. A lot of guys like to play the whole ‘I don’t know how to salsa dance’ card but women know that guys who are clueless on the dance floor are also probably clueless in bed. So my philosophy is that if I’m downright bad at a particular type of dancing I just avoid it.
In the future, I do plan to get into salsa dancing, as I do think it is a useful skillset in meeting and attracting women, at such point that I have real expertise with it I will update this article.
You may have heard that the best time to open a new girl is while you are already talking to one; this is especially true on the dance floor. When you are dancing with a girl and you see another girl (or group nearby) open the new girl together. Actually what’s ideal is to open a 2-set of other girls together, at least two of the three girls will hit it off and appreciate you for making the introduction. There’s a couple of ways to do this:
- I will whisper in the ear of the original girl “Let’s make friends” and then just lead her to the second set.
- I will pretend to recognize another girl on the dance floor, I will walk up, hug her and greet her with a made-up name while holding the original girl’s hand, which usually is a bit surprising to everyone, I then admit my mistake to everyone, “Oops! You look like my friend Sarah. Is she your twin?” Due to the social proof of the original girl, the new girl almost always sticks around to talk to me.
- The elbow opener; a lot of times I will just tap the elbow of the second girl and pull her in to dance with us.
“Merging sets” is something you should aim to do every time you go out as it accomplishes a couple of important things:
- You are socially proofed with the new girl(s) because you are already dancing with a girl. The new set is rarely going to reject your opener.
- The original girl starts to wonder if you are actually interested in her; creating sexual tension. She knows she has to work a little harder to keep your attention.
- It’s a more effective way of playing the numbers, towards finding a girl that’s interested in you and worth your time.
So you have a great interaction with a girl; a real conversation, you score digits, a make-out, or more. After, your inclination is to take a break; grab a drink, smoke, go to the bathroom, or tell your wingman about it… This is the opposite of what you should be doing, you want to get into an interaction with another girl as soon as possible; this is how you build momentum towards an epic night.
You are going to have to deal with a lot of time not “in set” and a lot of your success or failure actually depends upon how you use this downtime. I’m sure you’ve seen guys at clubs standing alone with scowls on their faces, not talking to anyone with arms crossed, don’t be this guy.
- Be aware of your body language; keep your arms and legs open, hands out of pockets, and smile.
- This is not a time to be cognitively productive, don’t get in your head too much, dance and sway to the music, tell yourself jokes in your head, this is a time to maybe even be a little meditative (aka try to think about nothing).
- If you are with wingmen keep the conversation in the venue light; joke with them, talk shit and follow the golden rule: Never talk about girls when you could be talking to girls.
- You ideally want to pick a spot in the venue that is high traffic but not really crowded (like next to a wall in between the bar and the front door) and then use the elbow tap opener on girls walking by.
You should already know that you are going to get a lot of these, here’s how to handle them…Unfortunately, a certain proportion of girls are just going to ignore your approach, they look at you and then just turn away (How rude!), not a lot we can do with these… However, a lot will be nice enough to give you some kind of canned response, a semi-logical reason for not dancing with you:
- I don’t dance
- I’m just dancing by myself
- I’m leaving
- I’m waiting for my friends
When you get these your response should always be the same; suggest dancing for just a minute.
- Let’s just dance for a minute then?
- I need to find my friends too. Just for a minute?
- I need to send a text but just for a minute?
This is surprisingly effective at changing their minds and they will dance A LOT longer with you than you initially proposed. About half the time they will reject this second attempt, so just start chatting with her:
- Use a situational opener
- Ask her name, introduce yourself
- Start asking the chode questions
Try to empathize with her reason for not dancing with you:
- Your feet are tired too.
- You have stuff to do tomorrow also.
- Your drunk friends are lost somewhere in the venue also.
Follow the 4 times rule
leave her and re-approach later in the night, a lot of these girls who reject your first approach courteously are actually cool girls worth taking a little time to get to know.Order Don’t Stick Your Dick in a Blender
Don’t Stick Your Dick in a Blender — How to meet a nice girl instead — from a tantric husband with a better sex life than you!
There’s a lot more I’d like to say about meeting girls dancing and elsewhere, but it might get me kicked off Medium, so I wrote this book…
How to Pick up Girls in Clubs in 2022
The majority of the guys will never approach a girl on the dance floor, or anywhere else in the club. They’ll loiter around her on the dance floor, attempting to grind up on her, or waiting for her to grind up on him. Is there a structure in picking up girls in clubs?
Yes, and no.
There is a structure you can when picking up girls in clubs. If you want to meet girls in the the club, a lot of it is down to window opportunity and balls. You have to get through everyone in the crowd and go talk to her.How to Pick up Girls in Clubs: Pre Party
You need to prepare for your nights, instead of spearheading in head on.
- Have Socially Savvy People to go Out With
When I started out, I invested in a dating coach for men and networked with other like minded individuals to go out with almost every other weekend. I made it a point to reach out to others to be more social. One way is to join social communities and forums and meet other guys who are serious about going out and meeting girls.
There were occasions when the usual friends that I club with aren’t available on Friday or Saturdays to hit the clubs. Since, I'm someone who enjoys going to parties and events and make it a point to at least go once a week. I make it point to reach out to a group of friends who aren’t in my immediate circle.
- Dress Well
Dressing well automatically puts you in the 'cool guy' category that and someone of influence. It makes social interactions and starting conversations a lot much easier. You'll have more influence over the immediate social settings around you. I'd also like to mention that dressing well doesn't just affect your own social interactions, but it also helps you feel more confident.
- The Positive Dominance Mind-set
You have a goal. The goal isn’t to ‘be social’, the goal is to go out and meet a girl. However, at the same time, you don’t want to be overly pushy. I call this the positive dominance mind set. One part of being masculine is being grounded. You’re not prancing around emotionally like a little girl.
You’re strong, but relaxed. When you’re dominant, you start taking charge of leading interactions, taking girls by the hands, leading them to the dance floor etc. This helps you dictate the flow of social interactions.
When you’re positively dominant, people are going to subconsciously (or consciously) look at you to make decisions within the group. Not to mention that leadership is an attractive trait to girls. You're going to put yourself in a position to be seen as the guy who's leading the interaction.
Smiling helps a lot when approaching. You’re not giving people or girls an excuse to outright reject you.
Dating Apps That Work For Normal Guys
Spending a little time online before heading out to the clubs is a great way to maximize your opportunities. So many girls only meet guys online now that you just can't avoid it.The challenge is finding a dating app regular guys can have success with. These are the best options right now to find a quality girl:
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- Being Social Throughout the Night
One other thing I learned about approaching girls in night clubs is that people wait too long to be social and to be in a social interaction. One of the advice from the pick up artist community that works quite well for approaching in the night club is to make sure you're always in an interaction.
Your results can be maximized this way. This helps in social momentum as well. When you’ve gotten over your first few rough approaches, socializing and meeting new people becomes natural and fun. When you combine the adrenaline of approaching an attractive girl. These gives you a higher probability of succeeding.
- Have Fun!
When we’re going about our day, many of us are in a logical headspace, either from school or work. For months straight, I was either writing for the blog or catching up with academic duties. It can really hurt your social muscles.
Socializing is a creative activity. It is NOT a logical activity. In addition to that, thinking and obsessing too much about pick up technique or theory can mess your head up. How I deal with a logical headspace is to get into a social headspace by chatting with my friends, strangers, Hi 5-ing people in the club, having fun in general.
The ultimate rule of them all: bring fun to others. This includes your wingmen, your buddies, your friends and the new people you meet in a club. Think about it, why would others want to meet you unless you bring something to the table? If someone who dresses poorly just came up to you and creep up to you, you're probably going to reject him or her.
Flip that around and put yourself in the shoes of others.
Ask yourself this: what's valued in a night club situation?
Connections, fun, friends and alcohol. Unless you're popping bottles (and your bank account) then you’d better be having fun and introducing people to each other. When you’re talking to strangers, approach attractive girls, and introducing them to each other, you automatically put yourself in a favourable position. You become the guy that everyone wants to know.
If you feel good, the people around you will feel good. If you feel sexy, she'll feel sexy as well.
Lastly, it’s common for someone to put himself under a fuck ton of pressure when going out. Unless you’re the kind of person that performs under pressure, it’s merely going to work against you. I'm not huge into inner game self-talk. It’s unnecessary.
Understanding the Flow of the night
Now, once you got all of that preparation down, you can plan your strategies according to the flow of the night.
When you’re relying on your emotional state to approach, you’re going to burn out even before the night begins.
The club is a chaotic place with people moving around, the influence of alcohol, drunk friends and pretty girls to talk to. You got to embrace the chaos. However, at the same time, you've got to have structure. Finding the balance is the sweet spot.
Having a rough picture of how a night should go and flow can help you wrestle back control, and start implementing what you need to do at different point of the night.Figure Out The Sequence of the Night
Depending on your lifestyle and your friends, you might be meeting up for dinner or pre-drinks before that.
- 1130 pm to 1230am
When you’re going in early at around 1130pm, this will allow you be start approaching in a social manner. This is the time where clubs aren't that crowded yet.
The ideal would be just to go in and start talking to the small groups of people and warm up socially. You’re rarely going to get a girl interested in you off the bat around this time. This time is about building some connections, getting some phone numbers, having a little bit of fun, and just letting lose a little.
- 1230am to 230am
This is the point where you hit it hard and find interactions to commit to. This is where most ‘game’ comes into play. You’re approaching a lot, you’re getting rejected and you’re finding that one or two quality interactions that you’re going to commit to for the rest of the night.
It’s rare that she’s going to be alone. She’s going to be with her friends, both male and female. You’re going to spend the majority of your time winning over the influence of her friends, asserting yourself with her and getting her to subtlety signal to her friends that she likes you, and wants to be with you. You’re going to go from stranger, to somebody who has mutual affection and interest in her.
- 230am Onwards
Ideally, you’ve also collate a list of numbers you've gotten for the earlier on. You can start texting them to gauge their level of interest and go for the ones that are highest likely to go back with you.
You’re also being more polarizing and finding out where you and she stand in the interaction you are in.
This is the point where you're ideally with a girl that likes you a lot and her friends are comfortable with you being around her (and potentially bringing her home). You've established to her and her friends that you're interested in her sexually and her friends are alright with that.
Getting there is the part where 'game' comes in. It's a fine balance between socially empathetic and socially dominant.
- Taking Her Home
Ideally, you’ve found a girl that’s interested in you sexually. She downs to have fun, her friends aren’t in your way and she knows how to deal with it. This is the part where you take full responsibility and you lead. This is done by finding excuses for her to go ahead without her friends and for her to come back to yours.
There is chaos in meeting women through night clubs, however, there’s an underlying structure beneath all of it. If you understand the rough outline of meeting women in clubs, you have a structural advantage the majority who doesn’t know what they’re doing. I see guys attempting to ‘day game’ from 1am to 2am. It’s ridiculous. What makes you thing some random stranger outside the club is going to go back with you? She’s probably on her way to another club, or on her way to meet her friends. Your chances are best IN the club.How to Flirt in Clubs: Cold Read and Tease
Firstly, keep your sentences short and sweet. There's no need to roll off words of gold your mouth. The words that actually tumble off your mouth don't really matter. Your intentions are going to matter more than the words said.
Women are fairly intuitive and they can figure out your intentions. They don't hear what you're saying verbally, but your intentions. You can say whatever you want to, but your intentions are always louder than what you say verbally.
Whatever that rolls off your mouth in the club, your intentions are going to say: I like you, that's why I'm talking to you. She's going to know what's up.
Just in case, if you don’t know how to start a conversation with a stranger. Here are my two favourite lines:
"Hi, I'm Marcus"
"Hi, I just want to say Hi"
That’s it. Plain and simple.
You got be comfortable at approaching strangers and striking a 5 minutes’ conversations. There's a social momentum with it. Move on quickly from interactions that don't go anywhere. Getting the initial approach down is just a small portion of the picture. It's what you do for the next 5 minutes in the interaction that matters.
The clubs are noisy, with loud music. You can't talk much and you have to rely a lot on short sentences. People are there to have fun and not to have meaningful or deep conversations. I'm a nerd and enjoy nerdy conversations. However, in a club, you got to stick to short sentences, good body language, and physicality.
The club is not a great place to have long conversations, hence it's important to know how to flirt with her physically.
Flirting with her physically is accomplished using non verbal communications. When you’re cold reading and teasing her, you should also standing really close to her. You can then touch her lightly on the elbows or waist, to gauge how receptive she is to your advances. Teasing her also shows sexual intent and interest
"You seem like a really friendly person, what's with that shocked look on your face?”
There was a point where I was cold reading too much in the club. I had to fine tune my approaches. I had to limit my interactions to one cold read for the purpose to break the ice, and then move on to teases, role playing and flirting with her physically right off the bat. If the girl likes you, she'll be okay with you touching her.Being Physical: Flirt and Get Physical Right Off the Bat
In a cold interaction, it's on you to lead the interaction. You have to lead verbally, emotionally, physically and logistically. Girls, especially Asian girls, are not going to give you an inch of space. That’s because it’s deemed slutty or creepy for a girl to initiate a conversation. She'll be afraid of how other girls will judge her in that moment if she initiated.
Furthermore, the hotter girls are never going to lead for you. That's because they get approached on all the time and are rarely at the leading of the interaction where they have to take charge.
Here are some quick examples:
"You can be my little sister." + Hug.
"I'm kidding, you're awesome." + Hug
The push pull dynamic should be complimented with shoulder hugs or waist hugs. Rinse and repeat this process and you'll get an emotionally charged interaction.
Touching a girl in the club also has got a lot to do with just grabbing it by the balls and being physical with a girl. Pulling the trigger and polarizing the interaction is more one of the key aspects of picking up girls in the clubs.
However, it’s important to note that some guys go up and are immediately are too physical with the girl. That might get you massive attraction off the bat, but it's not socially smooth and it'll hurt chances continuity in the interaction.
I know someone who can barely string a proper English sentence together. However, he approaches girls and claws them in with his muscular frame and attempts to kiss them within the first minute of the interaction. It's a bold approach that polarizes girls immediately.
You can also lead her to the dance floor to get physically intimate with her. It’s also a potential place to make out with her. However, there are just some girls that won't go to the dance floor because she might just want to stick to her friends, or her friends might judge her for going to the dance floor with a guy and etc.
One tip I found out is to never ask, but to attempt to lead her physically. Just grab her by the hand, and get her to follow.Re-approaching Her and Giving Her Space and Time
More often than not, girls aren’t really receptive at the start of the night. They also won’t go home with you when they’ve just entered the club. They want to drink, hang out with friends, party a little, have a crazy story when they’re out with a couple of friends. You’re most probably not going to get much results from your initial interaction with her.
So what happens if you’re not making out with her at the start of the night? It’s simple, you get her contact number, leave the interaction, and talk to your friends or other girls. You can leave all your interactions, and re-approach her later.
The entire club becomes your friend. You not only make new friends, but now, you have some social proof that you can leverage on to make more friends, and look popular and awesome in her eyes.
One other common mistake I see is guys grabbing her and touching her on the get go when approaching. That’s great. That’s actually recommended. However, it’s not about just grabbing and touching her, it’s about calibration. Remember, two steps forward and one step back.
In general, guys know immediately whether we want to have sex with a girl in a couple of seconds. Women require more time and information to make a decision on that. When you give her space, and show that you have empathy, you already stand out from 99% of the male population. That’s also an attractive trait.
This can be demonstrated using statements like: ‘I understand how you feel’, ‘If I’m being too pushy, let me know’.Handling Her Friends
Some times, I hang out with a couple of guys from the pick up community, they’ll have intense battle plans and tactics before going into the club. They’ll select out their wings, come up with customized plans to ‘distract her friends’. It’s also known as the ‘isolation’ tactic that many dating coaches preach.
Girls, especially the hot ones are going to be hitting the clubs as an entourage. They also feel safer and secure with their friends, so let them be!
Secondly, what does it say about your value as a man if you have to resort to such tactics in order to get her attracted to you. It just merely means that you aren’t enough, and that you need to ‘distract’ her friends in order for her to like you.
The better way to do it is to win the influence of her and her friends. It’s also a more sustainable manner.
I know, some times the friends of girls can be a major cock block. I’ve been there multiple times. The best strategy is to often kill them with kindness. Talk to the fat friend. Imagine how she feels when her friend always gets all the attention when they go out to the club and she gets completely ignored.
Some times, things may not go your way. She may be overly invested in her friend’s opinion of her rather than actually having fun in the club and meeting people. If two people lead a codependent relationship, there’s not much you can do to convince them otherwise. They’re not right for you, you simply have to move on.
The first rule of social skillsets is this: make it fun! Come from a point of adding value to someone's night. Don't be a social leech. Bring fun and add something to the group.
If you're dressed well, and are having a good time and experience good emotions, you'll automatically feel good and be able to 'add' to the fun of someone else's night.
Talk to her guy friends and acknowledge them. If you notice something cool about someone, be it a guy or not, then say it. It'll show that you have social intelligence. Furthermore, everyone likes to be appreciated and talked to
Most of the times, the most beautiful girl will have the highest social value in the group. The group will more or less compliant to her. Sometimes, you won't actually have to win her friends over, as they are all following her lead in the interaction.
However, that's not always the case. It's your job to lead in conversation, physicality, and logistically. How good you do this will determine if the rest of the group would comply or tell you to fuck off.
You'll have to aware of the self-interest of everyone at given point of time. What are their intentions and behavior? What do they want? Do they like the same girl as you do, and if so, how are you going to manoeuvre yourself in a socially savvy manner to get the girl that you want.
Here are the general guidelines when faced with confrontations:
- Kill Them With Kindness
- Make Him Look Like He or She One Taking Out all The Fun
- Move On to The Next Interaction
- Hook Them up with Someone Else
One other thing that helps a lot with immediate influence is your dress sense. If you're dressed like you're an influence, people will defer and give you more leeway in social settings. Lastly, there's no way about it. Getting good at this requires guts and rejection. You're going to piss someone off in the process of getting what you want out of interactions. You cannot please everyone.How to Pick up Girls on The Dancefloor
The dancefloor in the club can be considered the meet markets of the club. Think about it, the tables are for huge social groups. The bar is for people to get drinks. The dancefloor is actually the place where girls and guys go to meet each other. It's rare to find a guy approaching outside the dancefloor. Even if so, if he's to approach in the dancefloor, it's normally through body language, and less words.
- First Rule is To Have Fun
Having a ton of fun and putting on a smile on your face is the first step to attracting more attention on the dancefloor.
Approaching a girl on on the dancefloor is either through body language or just going up to say Hi. There're no other forms of communications that I'm aware of.
- Less Words more Dancing
The dance floor is a messy place, with guys, girls, music and all of that jumping. It's close to impossible to have a verbal interaction on the dance floor. The dance floor is where you have to approach strong and make your prescene known.
You're going to have problems in talking in long sentences. Short sentences like saying Hi, and asking her for her name is alright. The key is to get physical as fast as possible. Either with shoulder hugs, dancing beside her, or grinding behind her.
- Lead Like Your Life Depends on It
Don't ask for permission to move. Just grab her by the hand and go to the dance floor. The majority of pick up is just grabbing life by the balls and just doing it. It’s assumed attraction.
- Speaking with Your Body: Physically Escalating on Her Fast
Unless she's really into you, it's not a good strategy to just go up behind her and grinding her.
Even if so, there so many objections: her friends, she doesn't know you, she doesn't even know your name. It's better to dance beside with light shoulder touches be a way to flirt on the dance floor, and then move on from there. If they are comfortable with that, then move behind them. If they’re comfortable with you being behind them, then make a move by holding her waist.
You can also strike minimal conversation to stand out.
Once you’ve ‘opened’ using body language or verbally, it’s time to escalate and lead. Firstly, dance by her side. Then escalate by putting your hands on her shoulder or her waist. Then proceed, to dance behind her. Then turn her around with her facing you. Then the make-out.
The rule of thumb is similar to all other interactions: always be leading.
Learning how to pick up girls on the dance floor is a subtlety. Sometimes you approach verbally and say Hi, before dancing. Other times, you approach physically (dancing) and say Hi.
Think about it. The guys that don't know about 'game' is still getting results in the clubs in spite of having 'no game'. They don't think about fanciful openers, role plays, or intricate push/pull techniques.
They merely rely on their gut and go for it.
Our social brains are evolved to pick up signals from the opposite sex. It's just that because of past negative experiences, traumas or conditioning, we then convince ourselves with our own stories that somehow we're not good enough, not attractive enough and that "she's probably not interested in me".
I used to think that there's an 'escalation' ladder when it comes to touching girls. However, there are many times that you end up kissing a girl without even holding her hands or hugging her even. Emotions occur in the moment.
- Not Putting Her on a Pedestal
One other big insights I had from picking up girls on the dancefloor is that most of us put hot girls on the pedestal. This is especially so in the club where a vagina is somewhat the most valued currency, second to the guys splashing their cash on tables and drinks to impress the girls.
Combine this with just about every other mainstream advertising campaign that's where you get pussy being put on the pedestal.
This is where techniques and lines has it's limits. It's our own self worth, our own beliefs of our attractability, and out own beliefs about people, girls and ourselves that hold us back.
- How to Handle her Friends?
There are going to be instances where you'll get rejected. Her friends will pull her away and give you a creep stare. It happens a lot, especially in more conservative cultures. Here’s the truth: you can't control other people's behaviour. You can only control your own behaviour.
The rule of thumb is to make friends with her friends. Be friendly, yet assertive. This takes a little intuition. Look at her body language, is she worried about what her friends think? Is she looking for approval from her friends. If so, you should then adjust and befriend her friends.
On other occasions, I think it's alright to just go for it. If she's alright with it, her friends will be alright with it.
Like all other areas of getting good with girls. You're not going to do well on the dancefloor if you don't have your basics such as body language and your fashion sense down. Intentions are also a big part of picking up girls on the dancefloor. Some times, I see guys approaching girls like mechanically like machines, most of the time it just doesn't turn out well.How to Take Her Home
The principles on how to take a girl home from the club is similar to how to take girls home in general. You got lead like your life depends on it and relieve her of the pressure of feeling like a slut.
So what are the signs?
If you’re making out heavily and she’s all over you. It’s safe to say that she’s down. Some other signs include: she isolates herself from her friends with you, she’s willing to take your lead or she’s willing to grab supper with you. This can only be found out by leading in the interaction. This can be accomplished by making leading statements: let’s grab supper. Grab her hand, and lead without apology. You got to be fully responsible for seducing her.
How to meet a girl in a club?
Getting to know a girl in a club is easy. The atmosphere itself is conducive. But if you ask yourself this question, then you are clearly facing some problems. Let's see which ones.
Let's say you go to a club and you see a lot of beautiful girls and smiling guys having a great time. And you haven't yet. And you feel unwell, there is a feeling that there is you, but there is the rest of the party. nine0003
Or, for example, you come to a club, have a couple of cocktails, start to party, find your inner state of a cheerful guy, but the moment you reach it, something goes wrong. You are sure that you are an excellent dancer and a witty interlocutor, your charisma whips over the edge, sometimes into the toilet. And at the moment when you are ready to communicate with the whole world, no one is ready to communicate with you.
And there is a third problem. You find the strength in yourself to approach a beautiful girl and chat with her. And everything is going well. But for some reason, you can’t develop success and leave with her to one of you home. nine0003
And I want to talk about the steps that will help you meet a girl in a club and get around all these problems.
Put down roots
First, you come to a club and you like everything that is there, but you yourself feel uncomfortable there. Ask yourself the question - why do people come to the club? People come here not to take someone off, people come here to have fun and relax. Your task is to start feeling as fun and cool here as they do. Therefore, your first trip to a particular club should be built as follows. nine0003
You must come without the purpose of picking someone up. And when you come, you need to break away for half the salary: spend money on drinks, treat everyone with hookahs, be the noisiest and most cheerful drunken fool in the club so that everyone remembers and loves you, but not so that you are taken away with a broken nose. And your task for this evening is to have a really good time. That is, so that you remember how embarrassing and fun it was.
The next time you go there to meet a girl in a club, absolutely everyone will know you - bartenders, waiters, manager, art director and cloakroom attendant. And everyone will smile at you, though for different reasons. And from the outside it will seem that you belong here and, perhaps, a local star. And the girls will fall for it. You and your brains will turn on at this moment, and you will begin to manifest differently. This is the first operation that will allow you to remove the barrier between you and the club and put down roots in it. nine0003
The next rule is that you should start talking right away. In an article about internal dialogue, we found out that thoughts develop in a spiral. For example: You enter the club and in the first second you think:
“Wow, cool!”, then: “But I’m kind of off topic ..”, then: “What nasty people are having fun here without me…".
Therefore, start communicating in the first 5-7 seconds with the first person you meet in order to immediately unleash your communication typhoon. I would recommend to communicate according to the principle: 3 girls - 1 man. You need to approach them in turn and talk about any topic: what, where, which of the bartenders pours better, where you can breathe fresh air here, what happened last weekend, why they didn’t bring such and such a DJ, why they didn’t let someone in club... Men can be complimented on their appearance: you have an awesome jacket or an incredible watch so that the guys melt a little, and the atmosphere in the club becomes more and more familiar to you. nine0047
After two such trips to a particular club, you will know the employees and some of the regulars, it will become easier to communicate with the guests and the barrier between you and the rest of the party will gradually be erased. Well, if even after several trips you still have the feeling that at this party you are the same fat boy who is not invited to play, then perhaps this is simply not “your” club. Choose another with the same beautiful girls.
Follow the alcohol schedule
If at some point you just stop controlling how much you have drunk and go into the dusk, then I highly recommend introducing this rule: one dose of alcohol once an hour. Well, if you are the same club bomber that does not fly without fuel, then always remember how much you drank. If you remember all 33 shots, then the flight is normal, and if you are not sure if there were 5 long shots or 8, then it's time to stop and do not use anything for the next 3 hours. Then you will always be on the level, any second. nine0003
Moving on. You approach the girls, talk, you start a conversation, and then somehow it goes out. Why is this happening? Most likely, the point is not in the techniques and not in the fact that you are saying something wrong. Perhaps you just have the wrong approach to seduction and you think not in abundance, but in a limited number of girls. That is, in the language of protopikapers, those who, back in cave times, crawled on all fours, ate pasture and invented a small pickup truck, this is called calibration. To meet a girl in a club, you have to look for girls who are ready to continue and this is not difficult. nine0003
When I first started studying gender relations, I thought it was very honorable to come to a club, charm, seduce and take away two sober virgin twins in front of their dad, but for some reason it never worked out.
And when I realized that there are a lot of beautiful girls who welcome easy communication, I immediately began to enjoy the clubs. Conclusion: choose girls who easily make contact. These are not those who sit languidly and sadly in the corner, and not those who are called "seagulls" because they sit at the bar, like loons on stones in search of prey. These are girls who came to hang out, spend time and look for new acquaintances. nine0003
Test three times
It's understandable that you can screw up a thousand times, but there are 3 important tests you must do.
Free time test.
If the girl has plans to go home or to another club, you should find out in the first 10 minutes.
Club seat change test.
Inside the club you can move around, take her hand and say let's go to the bar, dance floor or fresh air. If she followed you, then this is fine and she will not show off once again. nine0003
If you touched her and not with the back of your hand to the ends of her hair, but hugged her waist, held her neck, wrapped her hair around her ear, put her hands on your shoulders, you touched each other with your pelvis and the girl was not distracted, did not distance herself , then the girl is friendly and this is also a good sign.
Further technology is simple. When you have tested those girls with whom you communicate in the club, then among those who have passed all three tests, you choose the prettiest one and take you towards the dawn for the sake of your common wonderful future. nine0003
The main thing to remember is not to go in cycles in thinking about how to meet a girl in a club. If you came to the club - relax and enjoy everything - from the place, from people, from situations, from communicating with girls and from yourself. And then the evening will turn out exactly the way you want it.
To know how to seduce a girl in a club
A club is a place where crowds of girls from all over the city gather to get drunk, forget, dance, and ... pick up someone for the night. However, seduction in the club has its own characteristics. For example, it is almost impossible to talk in a club. In order to effectively seduce girls in clubs - read the article to the end! nine0003
Nightclubs are a special world with loud music, sexy women and a sea of possibilities. People come here in search of a partner, so they are ready for new acquaintances and quick sex .
Thanks to deafeningly loud music, you do not need to entertain the girl with conversations, it is enough to focus your attention on non-verbal communication.
Touch is one of the most important aspects of seduction . A woman should like your hands on her body, and only after that she will allow herself to be kissed. nine0003
Since the music is always loud in clubs, you have a good reason to touch her ear or neck with your lips when talking. Put your hand on the small of her back and pull her closer to you so she can hear you. Such gestures help her get used to your presence and show that you are a confident alpha male.
Your touching should be slow and not sexual at first. If you immediately start touching her breasts or ass, you can run into serious trouble. At the beginning of dating, communicate with her as if you just want to talk and do not even think about sex. Be prepared to not hear her answers, most importantly, smile sweetly and nod, as if you understand everything. nine0003
Below is a list of 10 important rules that will help you understand how to seduce a girl in a club.
Rule #1: Don't dance
If you can't move beautifully, then don't even try. Even if you are a professional dancer, you do not need to demonstrate your talents to everyone. You didn't come to the club to be the king of the dance floor and out-dance everyone, you need to focus on seduction. Instead of sweating and making people laugh, it's better to talk to the girls at the bar. The dance floor is a place where you can invite the girl you like, and not a platform for dating. nine0003
Rule #2: No to alcohol and drugs
Naturally, you can drink a little to cheer you up, but you don't have to get ugly drunk. Remember how many times you were refused just because you could barely stand on your feet. Most likely a lot more than you think. If you feel relaxed without alcohol, then it is better not to drink at all. So you will have much more chances to seduce a really beautiful girl, and not one whose beauty will dissipate in the morning along with alcohol vapors. nine0003
Rule #3: Don't act like a sex maniac
Don't be that weird guy who stands in the corner all evening with a drink in his hand and undresses girls with his eyes. Your hungry look is not sexy, but creepy. Girls prefer to stay away from such lone psychos.
Instead of chasing beautiful girls, it's better to look around, find people you know, talk to them. Approach a group of girls, say something nice to them, and leave with a good excuse that you need to find your friends and join them later. This behavior makes you a cool socially active guy who does not stay in one place. Plus, you'll give them the impression that you actually have friends. nine0003
When talking to a group of girls, choose the one that is most interested in you. After a couple of hours, as if by chance, run into her and take her away.
Rule #4: Don't take rejection as a personal failure
Even if you get a rude rejection, no one will notice. Believe that at this moment the music will not stop, no one will direct the light of spotlights at you and those around you will not start laughing at you together. In addition, the girl can simply check your interest. It is important for her to know that you really chose the one and only, and do not pester everyone in a row. nine0003
Many guys at the moment of acquaintance show their best qualities, and at the moment of refusal they turn into jerks. In clubs, women are very careful when choosing a partner, they will not mess with a psycho.
Rule #5: Don't be in a hurry to give a cocktail
Don't buy a girl alcohol until you get to know her better. Talk to her, get to know her. If you really like her, then offer her a drink.
If a girl immediately asks you to treat her to a drink, then it is better to laugh it off, saying: “Only after you.” If she stays, then everything is in order, you can continue the acquaintance. But if she is offended, then her only desire is to get drunk at your expense. nine0003
Rule #6: Don't use pick-up tricks
You don't need to come up with clever phrases to hook, just say with a friendly smile: “Hi! I just saw you dancing, it's cool!"
Rule #7: Don't talk boring
It's hard to hear anything in a club, so no one wants to strain their ears to pick up on your chatter. Girls are not interested in hearing about the weather or how you make a living. Of course, you can mention basic facts about yourself, but very briefly and cryptically. Do not tell all the information about yourself at once, let 90% of the conversation will be about her.
Try to make her laugh all night and be in a great mood. Women are always guided by emotions. Choose topics that would excite her make her feel happy, scared or curious.
Rule #8: Don't ask, make it a fact
Never ask a girl to do anything, instead let her know about your plans for the evening. Do you want to dance? Say: "Let's dance," take it by the waist and lead to the dance floor. nine0101 Do you want to call her tomorrow ? With a sweet smile, take her phone, say that you need to urgently call a friend and dial your number. So you will be sure that she will not deceive you.
When you ask, you give her the opportunity to say no. Women are attracted to confident men who always get what they want.
Rule #9: Don't kiss right away
Before kissing a girl, she must first get used to your touch. If you didn’t touch her all evening, didn’t hug her waist, didn’t take her by the hand, didn’t whisper in her ear, then she’s not ready for a kiss yet. If you do all this, then at some point you will feel that she is ready for intimacy. nine0003
Rule #10: Don't get upset if you fail
Sometimes it happens that you come home alone from the club without having seduced the beauty you like. Remember that you go out to have fun, and women are just part of that fun. Never take failure personally, you're fine, it's just that today wasn't your day.
And be sure - next Saturday - go to the club! Hot beauties are waiting for you there!
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About the Author: Dmitry Svetlov
In 2012, after the third divorce, Dmitry began to actively study seduction. He went through all the trainings, read all the books and watched all the videos, until in 2016 he received the status of a PMES project PM.