How to give a lap dance with music

How To Give A Lap Dance That Will Drive Your Man Crazy | Pleasure Mechanics

If you've ever fantasized about mesmerizing your man with a slow striptease before sex, rest assured you're not alone.

Wanting to tap into your inner diva and mastering the art of seduction to sexy music is totally natural (not to mention incredibly sexy).

Foreplay is not only just a fun part of initiating sex, but it can actually be an incredible time to bond you to your partner — and what better way than by turning your man on by learning how to give a lap dance with the sexiest movements your hips can offer?

Men enjoy lap dances — but there’s more to it than just watching as you gyrate and dance. It can also be an incredibly freeing moment for you as well, and make you feel sexy and confident before you even touch each other.

But lap dances can also seem a bit intimidating, and that’s okay!

Those of us who aren’t skilled in dancing or have never given a lap dance before might not know where to start. But once you’ve got a good place to begin, you can have an incredible amount of fun learning how to lap dance and showing off your best moves.

RELATED: 5 Tried-And-True Foreplay Tips To Tease And Tempt Him

If you want to get your man hot and bothered as a special occasion or even as a new form of foreplay before things really take off in the bedroom, then lap dances can be an intimately fun way to initiate sex.

We know a thing or two about how couples can improve their sex lives and become better lovers, and sharing something as passionate as a lap dance can certainly make for an interesting evening together.

Lap dances should last as long as you want them to, depending on your level of comfort, your playlist, and the overall mood. While the cost of a lap dance typically varies at certain venues, it's totally cool to give your boyfriend a lap dance. (And if you want to charge him, that's up to you.)

One of the most common questions you might have before you start is: “How can I give my man the best lap dance of his life without seeming like an amateur?” And if you’d like to know the answer to that, keep reading!

How to Give a Lap Dance Like a Total Pro


Treat the lap dance like it's a (sexy) special occasion.

Lap dancing isn't an everyday activity, but a seductive gift you can offer your man for special occasions.

These days, people automatically assume that erotic dance is only for strip clubs and music videos, but it's so much more than that.

Imagine your lover being completely spellbound by your every move, quivering with desire, ready to follow your every command. Learn to lap dance, and you'll gain tremendous erotic power and confidence.

2. Practice your lap dance moves.

Long before you give your man a lap dance, start dancing for your own pleasure. Find a few songs that you think are sexy and seductive and then practice dancing to them, enjoying the way the moves feel in your body.

Ditch the mirror and don't worry about what looks sexy. Focus on what feels sexy to you.

One of our golden rules is "get out of your head, get into your hips!" Women spend too much energy worrying about how they look, what their lover is thinking and if they are performing adequately enough.

Take all of that energy and focus on how you feel. Bring the focus of your attention down into your body and notice the sensations of pleasurable movement.

Start with your hips. Place your hands on your hips and sway your hips left and right. Notice how your whole body curves in response. Then thrust your hips forward and notice how your spine arches. All of these bends and curves are crazy sexy.

Have a little extra flesh? Use it to your advantage and accentuate your curves as you bend and sway with the music.

Firmly put your hands on the arms of the chair. Sway your hips from side to side.

Next, find a song that you love dancing to. You can choose a fast, booty-thumping song that makes you feel feisty and alive. Or you may prefer a sensual dance to a slow love song.

Find the songs that make you feel most alive, most erotically charged and most ready to seduce your lover. Then dance to the song over and over again until you are at ease, moving your hips and swaying to the rhythm.

You don't have to choreograph a whole routine, just find a few good moves that feel sexy to you. The more confidence you have, the more desire you will build in your audience of one!

RELATED: 9 Exotic Dancers Offer Sexy Tips For The Perfect Strip Tease

3. Get your space ready.

When you are ready to give your man a lap dance, take a few moments to prepare the space.

Clear the floor around your most comfortable chair. Imagine your man sitting in the chair, beaming at you with love and appreciation. Make sure you can walk all the way around the chair so you can dance in a 360-degree circle of seduction!

Dim the lights if you can or flood the room with candlelight. You may even want to buy colored light bulbs to create a new atmosphere. It doesn't take much to create the thrill of novelty!

Create an atmosphere that makes you feel sexy, seductive and in the mood to dance. As you prepare the space, start taking long deep breaths and get yourself in the zone.

4. Make sure your body and mind are in the zone.

What you wear for your lap-dancing performance is totally up to you.

You can go all out and dress up in your finest dress and high heels, go out on a date and give your lover a lap dance as dessert. Or you can hide gorgeous lingerie under casual clothes and surprise him on Sunday morning.

Make it your own. After all, a lap dance is an authentic expression of your sexuality!

You'll be getting very close and intimate with your lover, so take the time to take a long shower or bath and anoint yourself with a scent you love.

You'll feel more confident and relaxed if you take a few moments to tend to your body before you present yourself to your lover.

Set aside all worries about mundane life. Ditch your to-do lists. Mindfully step into the role of seductress.

Your only job for the next stretch of time is to feel so good in your body that you cast a spell, seducing your lover into your pleasure zone.

As much as you are giving a gift to your lover, you are also giving yourself the gift of a time to feel sexy, fully alive and sensually awake.

5. Build up the anticipation — it will drive him wild!

Don't tell your man what he has in store for him, but hint that you have something special to offer him. Let him wonder what's coming next.

Start your lap dance in whatever style you prefer. You can put the music on and strut your stuff.

Or just turn away, look over your shoulder as the song begins, wink at him and start to move. Whatever you do, commit fully.

Trust us, he is not going to evaluate your dance moves. He'll get excited at the opportunity to take in all of your beauty and will love the confidence in your body.

Don't worry about getting every move right and just let yourself have fun with it. Your own pleasure is the secret sauce that will make your lap dance the most memorable of his life.

So own your power, move for your own pleasure, and know that you are giving him the profound gift of watching your gorgeous body dance!


Ladies, strip tease it out.

Start far away from him, and time your approach with the song so the last few moves are right on his lap.

As you gain confidence, you can even create a playlist for a multi-song seduction, starting slow and working up to serious grinding on his lap. But to start, pick one sexy song and know that you have three to five minutes to give it your all.

From far away, make eye contact with him and slowly start moving into your dance. Then peel away one item of clothing at a time — or leave it all on! You can even combine striptease and lap dancing, and he will love it, no matter how nervous you are.

If it makes you feel more confident, leave all your clothes on and leave the undressing for later. Or strip down just to your lingerie. This is your expression, so do what makes you feel best.

As you move, slowly approach him and then back away. Then move around behind him, lightly stroking his hair and shoulders. Let him feel your breasts and hair graze the nape of his neck.

Then circle back around. Your goal is to tease him as much as possible, making him ache to touch you.

RELATED: I Learned How To Striptease For My Wife To Save My Marriage

7. Keep it simple.

You don't have to go crazy with your lap dance!

Once you have built up anticipation, start dancing closer to him. When you feel ready, let the climax of the lap dance begin.

Turn so you are facing away from him and slowly let your hips sink closer and closer to his lap. Whether he gets fully erect or not, remember that an erection is not a full measure of his arousal. So don't worry about how hard he is.

Here are four simple moves for once you are dancing in his lap:

1. Start by swaying your hips left and right.

This simple move is surprisingly powerful. Add a little dip by bending your knees as you sway.

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2. Lower your hips so they are just barely above his pants and then move your body in circles in time with the music.

3. Try a pelvic tilt by thrusting your hips forward and back.

Give your hips an extra push as you move back to make your booty bounce in a delicious way!

4. The fourth move you can try is a simple bounce squat.

Position yourself squarely above his lap and then squat quickly up and down, bouncing on his lap without ever making full contact. This move is a huge tease and turn-on. Play with speed; start with slow squats and then bring up the tempo until you are bouncing in the air, just above him.

Glance over your shoulder once in a while and make eye contact. He'll want to both look in your eyes and at your beautiful body — the desire to do both will be a delightful form of erotic tease!

8. Remember to finish the lap dance strong.

When you are ready to finish off as the song comes to an end, turn around so you are facing him, straddling one or both of his legs. Then do the same four moves: sway, thrust, circle and bounce.

Facing your lover means that your breasts (covered or not, they will still be a treat) will be at about face level. Use this to your advantage, and as you move your hips around his lap pay attention to all the delicious ways you can tease him.

When the song comes to an end, you have two choices. You can settle right into his lap and then let the charge take you into making out (and whatever other intimate activities you have on your mind!).

Or, you can get up and strut right out of the room, leaving him out of breath and dazzled by your presence. Remember, you are in charge!

9. Give your sexy self a pat on the back.

Choosing to give your lover a lap dance is a very powerful step toward more sexual confidence, in and out of the bedroom.

When you can accept the fact that you are gorgeous and a worthy object of his attention, you start to forget to care about the little imperfections and instead focus on the incredible pleasure your body can feel.

Lap dancing is a gift for both of you. Your lover gets the joy and arousal of watching you dance, and you get all of the pleasure of feeling like a powerful seductress.

Remember, start the journey by setting aside time to dance in private and bring your awareness to how much pleasure you can feel just by moving to one of your favorite songs.

Once you feel great and are ready to seduce your lover with a lap dance, follow the steps in this guide and you'll create a potent pleasure spell that is sure to transport you both.

RELATED: 14 Dirty Talk Phrases That Turn Men On

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The Pleasure Mechanics are a team of sex educators and touch experts dedicated to providing people around the world with the tools and strategies they need to experience maximum sexual pleasure. Their books and videos offer time-tested strategies based on human anatomy, psychology and an understanding of the social nature of human sexuality.

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How to Give a Lap Dance

I don't know who needs to hear this, but you don’t have to be an amazing dancer to give someone a lap dance. Seriously. Even if you have zero coordination and can't hold a beat to save your life, lap dances have little to do with "skill" and more to do with confidence. (It's like the saying look good, feel good, do good.)

In other words, there's no right or wrong way to give someone a lap dance, so long as both parties are enjoying themselves.

That said, there are a few things you should know before diving head first into it. And luckily for you, we've tapped experts Jaclinne Cheng, CEO and founder of Spicy Lingerie, and Rori Gordon, owner of gentleman’s club Billy Deans Showtime Café to drop all the tea.

Here's what to do when you literally don’t know what to do. Enjoy!


The average lap dance should last at least two songs.

This would equal a total of six or so minutes, but obviously adjust this to your own preferences and add time as you see fit, says Gordon. If two songs seems excruciatingly long to you, remember that it's not. You can watch 6-7ish TikTok vids in that same amount of time, don’t let your anxiety win this one.


. Plan your song playlist ahead of time.

Just like you check your PowerPoint before giving a big presentation, make sure you have your music cued up and ready to go. Depending on what kind of vibe you're going for, picking from this playlist of sex songs may be ideal.

“A lap dance is supposed to be seductive, so choose songs that inspire your sexuality,” says Cheng. Her picks: “Climax” by Usher, “Girl With the One Eye” by Florence and The Machine, and “Naughty Girl” by Beyoncé.


Wear the right clothing.

You should put on anything that makes you feel extremely sexy, says Gordon. “I love lingerie, garters and thigh-high stockings with a long sheer gown,” she says. You can also pair your outfit with some slip-on heels since they accentuate the hell out of your body. Just make sure you walk around in the shoes beforehand to get used to them, suggests Gordon. No shoe is worth breaking an ankle over.

It's also important to layer your clothing, especially if you want the lap dance to lead to sex. This may involve stripping down as you give your partner a lap dance, which is like a super-sexy added bonus.

4. Do a quick lil stretch before.

“It’s important to stretch before you perform to prepare yourself for any extraneous movements,” says Cheng. There's no greater buzzkill than bending over your partner and killing your back in the process.

5. That said, please don't do anything your body can't handle.

If you can't do a somersault, it's probably not worth trying a backbend. Same goes for the splits. But if you are flexible, definitely show it off. Going for a backbend while sitting on your partner’s lap is definitely a crowd pleaser too, says Cheng.

6. Set the mood with dimmed lights and candles.

But don't make it too dark to which your partner can't see you. You might also want to play into a role-play fantasy if it's something you and your partner have discussed beforehand. Dress up as a nurse, devil, teacher, whatever—just make sure your setting resembles the theme at least a little bit too.

7. Make sure you have mastered some moves beforehand.

No need to plan a full-on dress rehearsal, but you should have an idea of what you want to do, how you want to touch yourself, how you want your partner to touch you, etc. before just going into it blindly. Here are some v common moves you can add to your routine:

  1. Stand between your partner's legs and lean your upper body forward with your back arched and your butt up in the air. This gives your partner a super-hot view of your body. Trust me.
  2. Turn around and hover your butt just above their crotch, moving your butt in circles like you're painting their lap with your cheeks. (Feel free to place your hands on their thighs or the arms of the chair for balance.)
  3. When in doubt, know your hottest seduction tool is your hips. So slowly start swaying your hips from side to side, and then move them in a figure eight to the beat of the music.
    1. 8. Choose your setting wisely.

      This can be in a bed, on the couch, on a chair, or wherever you’re most comfortable. Just make sure that with whatever setting you choose, you can switch between standing above your partner, sitting, and squatting easily and whenever you want.

      9. Think less about dancing and more about connecting with your partner.

      If you’re not a dancer, taking the pressure off of a lap dance can help. I don’t know any receiver who isn’t going to enjoy the view (the view being you, someone they’re already super into, stripping and undressing right before their eyes). I can promise you, the last thing they’re thinking about is how on-beat you are with the music.

      10. Have fun and be confident.

      “If you’re not having a good time, your partner will be able to tell, and it won't be an enjoyable experience for both of you,” says Cheng. Let loose and don't be afraid to move to the music in whatever way you want to. There's nothing you can do here that would be wrong or incorrect. Remember, so long as everything is consensual, it's literally impossible to fuck up a lap dance.

          How to dance a lap dance for your husband at home

          When passion attacks you and your beloved, then, of course, you rip off each other's clothes and indulge in love right on a dog rug or some other unsightly place. But how common it all is, just to the point of nausea. Why not diversify the noble impulses of passion? Why not lap dance for your husband? And you won't have to buy any poles. You can get by with simple improvised cheap means. But first…

          Overcome shame

          Without internal liberation, a lap dance will turn into a miserable awkward clowning. Of course, alcohol can help here, but if you are cold to it, then you will have to engage in self-hypnosis - stand in front of the mirror, stroke yourself and suggest that you are the goddess of body movements, the true queen of bacchanalia.

          Another useful article: How to surprise a guy: ideas for improving your relationship

          Create the right atmosphere

          Without atmosphere, the dance will not find a proper response in you or in your beloved.

          Another interesting article: Is it worth it to tell a man about his feelings first

          Choosing a place

          Start with the room. Which one to choose? It's hard to say, but definitely more spacious. Everything superfluous from the room will have to be removed.

          You may be interested in: How to meet a guy from the army


          You will need a couple of chairs, of course with a high back. One, of course, for her husband - you will parade around him, right? You can't do without a chair either - it will help you not to fall off when you slowly undress.

          It will also be useful: A letter to the army for a guy - how and why to write it by hand


          Declare a temporary war on Ilyich light bulbs and all energy-saving technologies, well, proclaim the world to romantic candles and the mysterious play of light and shadow. You can also hang a shawl with a scarf on table and wall lamps - this will add romance, a charming twilight will reign in the room. Floor lamps and garlands will also perfectly fit into the exciting atmosphere of temptation.

          Another interesting article: How to wait for a guy from the army


          They should be special too, so don't feel sorry for your favorite perfumes and fumigate the room with aromatic incense.

          You may be interested in: How to improve relations with your mother-in-law


          It greatly liberates. Without beautiful music, it will surely be difficult for you. Pick something to match the lap dance. It can be, for example, Kylie Minogue's relatively simple song "Chocolate" or Madonna's full of passion and very exciting composition "Justify my love". If you don't want to rack your brains, then just turn on the classics of the genre - Joe Cocker's song "You can leave your hat on". The choice is yours. The main thing is to catch the rhythm, become one with it.

          Another interesting article: How to understand that you are in love

          Get dressed and comb your hair

          Have you decided on the atmosphere? Well done. Now dress up. You can put on a nightgown that is usual for home conditions or create a unique image of a teacher or student girl. In any case, the choice is yours. You can also put on a work overalls - the main thing is that you feel comfortable in it, and your husband is turned on by such an "outfit".

          Another useful article: How to arrange a romantic dinner for your loved one

          Easy-to-remove outfit

          Choose clothes that are easy to get rid of - dance is a dynamic thing, you have to remove everything deftly and quickly. Men's shirts or a jacket are considered classics for intimate movements. So don't use the same jeans. Although a button-down shirt and a pencil skirt are fine, they are much easier to take off quickly.

          You may be interested in: Meeting the boyfriend's parents

          Choosing underwear

          The most important element of strip clothing is, of course, underwear. Try to create a "composition" so that the bra matches the panties, creating a whole image. By the way, tanga panties and tights are almost perfect for such an “event”. High-heeled shoes are another classic of the strip genre. But if you are not sure that you can keep your balance in them, it is better not to wear them.

          Another useful article: How to bind a man to you forever


          sleep. It would also be nice if the head was wet and shiny, and the guy wanted to stroke you.

          You may be interested in: How to restore passion in a relationship with a husband

          Pick up teasing accessories

          You have a wide choice here:

          1. For example, you can take a scarf, ribbon, or (for especially riotous) handcuffs to tie your husband's hands, and he would not be tempted to drag you into bed before the end of the dance or try to masturbate. There is a time for everything - let him suffer, deserve the main prize with his long-suffering.

          2. You can also take a pen (they sell them in bulk in a sex shop) to tickle your lover or move it over your body while sitting on a chair.

          3. Tie is another great accessory. "Clamp" him with it, drag him to you, pierce him with a passionate look and abruptly let him go.

          4. If you like to please yourself, then, of course, a "dildo" will also come in handy.

          Also helpful: How to make a guy want you: an unusual approach to seduction

          How to tease

          You are the forbidden fruit. The one that is sweet. The husband should get excited, but not get discharged! That's the whole point, after all, to bring his excitement to the limit, to wake up a real beast in him!

          1. Explain to him right away - you look at me, you get excited, but touch - no, no! By the way, you also need to touch him in moderation, and you certainly don’t need to pull your loved one’s penis.

          2. Gently stroke, pinch and smack him on the cheek or neck, whisper something in his ear and run your hand through his hair, but nothing more.

          And be sure to throw seductive playful glances in the direction of your man. Try not to lose eye contact with him.

          By the way, it wouldn't hurt to learn how to turn a man on with words.

          How to defile

          Imagine yourself as a model and defile like you are on the runway. Put your hands on your hips and walk with your head held high, your back straight and your chest forward. As you do so, swing your hips, place one leg as straight as possible in front of the other, and try to exude confidence.

          Another useful article: Nice words for a guy at night - how to wish a good night to your beloved

          How to undress


          1. Do not take off more than one piece of clothing at a time. Start from the top and move down: first you take off your glasses (if you are in the form of a teacher) and let your hair down, then you start pulling off your skirt, then your bra, tights, panties - in that order.

          2. Don't forget - the purpose of a lap dance is to tease, so you should not just take off your clothes, but first hint that you are going to do it - for example, unbutton one button, or a zipper, and not just take everything off right away. Run your hand over your dress, and only then start pulling it off. Pull the panties a couple of times, lower them down and only then take them off completely.

          3. Try to let the clothes fall freely on the floor at the end, and you can just get off without bending over.

          Basic actions during the dance

          You don’t need to learn any complicated choreographic figures at all, but still the most elementary rules of beautiful and seductive body movements, you need to know their sequence:

          1. At the beginning of the "warm up" just move your hips and dance.

          2. After taking off each item of clothing, approach your husband with a defiling step, but immediately move away from him.

          3. A couple of times you can gently lower yourself to the floor and bend forward on your knees like a cat.

          Suppose you have already passed the first "simple" stage of the dance, took off your outer clothes and moved on to the main "dish" - taking off your underwear. So:

          1. Grasp the back of a chair, lean forward very slowly so that your tempting ass is in the field of view of your beloved.

          2. Put your foot on a chair and slowly lower one stocking, and then the other.

          3. Without getting up from your chair, completely get rid of stockings.

          4. Turn your back on your husband and unfasten your bra, lower its straps.

          5. Turn to face your beloved. Keep your hands on the bra, as if not letting it fall.

          6. Start moving your hips before letting go of the bra.

          7. Stand with your back to your husband again, spread your legs wide and start taking off your panties.

          8. Turn sharply so that the panties fall to your ankles.

          9. Lift one leg and free it from the panties, and throw the other to the side.

          During the dance, constantly move your hands, passionately move them over your body - as if it were not you, but your beloved.

          Privat on your knees

          It is better to go to private on your knees when you have almost completely undressed, left in your panties. Before that, just sit on your beloved for a couple of moments, rub your ass, but immediately get up and return to your chair:

          1. Approach your loved one, “saddle up”, put your hands around his head, and put your hair down on your face.

          2. Pull sharply towards you so that he buries his face into your chest. Let him kiss her, but don't let him touch her.

          3. Touch your loved one, jump on him, hug him to you - in general, do whatever you want, but don't let him touch you too much.

          Actually, this is where the dance ends. The "icing on the cake" for your loved one can be oral sex - in a "bar" striptease, they usually dance and decorate it. But in the "home" version, the scope for imagination is much wider.

          How long the dance will last

          Not long - 10 minutes maximum. It is better to limit yourself to 7-8 minutes. Do not forget that you have passionate sex ahead of you. If the dance is too long, then your man may "burn out", get too excited and "cool down" prematurely.

          More related:

          • How to excite a man with words: let's work with the tongue
          • How to prepare for the first time
          • Notes for a loved one - a "trick" for unusual communication
          • Pleasant SMS to your beloved - "make" his day in the morning

          Lap dance for your beloved home: what you need


          When you visit a night club, you see beautiful dancers, do they inspire you and do you want the same? A private dance for a loved one is not only an outfit and movements to the music. In a private show, everything is important - posture, flexibility, ability to play, seduction, mystery. A man will certainly be fascinated by the game if a woman thinks through the show in advance, chooses an outfit and appropriate music.

          Creating an image

          Having decided on the image it is important to think about an outfit that will match the idea. Accessories and things that will never be superfluous are stockings with a belt, a corset, garters, high platform shoes. In addition to aesthetic beauty, clothing should not constrain movement in dance.

          Some recommendations when choosing an outfit for a private dance for husband:

          1. If choice fell on the image of a fatal seductive, then the outfit can be minimalistic. It may be a chic evening dress embroidered with various patterns of rhinestones. Dress can be with an open back and a deep neckline. For beginners, this image ideal if the girl does not yet know how to dance a private dance for her beloved, so that he liked.
          2. Coquette image means cute costume. You can wear a short skirt with a pleat or with checkered print. A shirt with unbuttoned buttons is ideal for a skirt or a revealing top.
          3. Lolita is a puppet image that conveys the infantilism of a person. To create a private show for a man in the image of Lolita, it is worth making bangs, tying pigtails with bows. From clothes it would be ideal to wear long socks, a schoolgirl skirt. The image of the Nymphet in dance, it should convey the energy of seductiveness and fun of a young dancer.
          4. Catwoman - it is desirable to dance professional plastic privat in such an image. After all the very image of a cat is a symbol of physical flexibility, beauty, grace.

          Attributes and atmosphere of the house

          Use in dance foreign objects and attributes, such as, for example, a scarf or a weightless a transparent shawl, men's tie, hat or even an ice cube. Can be tied your loved one's eyes and turn on special music for a private dance - this is necessary for creating intrigue in private dance for a man. To kindle a great desire and passion in a loved one, you can forbid him to touch his body parts for a while.

          Men are not always freely and openly welcome such a seductive show joyfully with relaxed face. He may have a tense face and a stiff posture. A tense facial expression does not mean at all that dancing and seductive actions are discouraged or undesirable. Just a man can feel a little out of his depth and doesn't know how to show his reaction, especially if for him such a gift occurs for the first time.

          Music selection and choreography

          Lap dance for beginners is the secret of body movement known only to two. This is a small romantic performance that can be played even without choreographic skills.

          Many women interested in how lap dance for her husband to produce a stunning impression. Of course, the musical component of the show should be sexual, and here is a fast or slow rhythm - it depends on the general concept of private "show". The song on average can last 4-5 minutes.

          Learn more