How to follow dance partner

Lead and Follow in Ballroom Dancing | Part 1: How to Lead like Fred Astaire — Duet Dance Studio Chicago

It's amazing to see how two complete strangers can move and dance together as one. And that's the beauty of partner dancing! You don't need to know your dance partner previously in order to dance together. All you need to do is effectively perform your role either as a leader or follower. In this and the upcoming blog post, I'm going to offer tips on how to lead and follow like pros on the dance floor.

1. Maintain a Strong Frame.  The dance frame is the most important thing in lead and follow as it helps you maintain the connection between you and your partner. Your frame should be firm and steady all time. "Noodle arms" or a weak frame will hinder the connection to your partner. Think about the cup phones you played with when you were a kid. Your frame is similar to the string that connects the cups.  To communicate effectively through the cups, you and your friend at the other end need to keep the string taut by maintaing the distance between you two. And when the string is loose, you lose the connection. When you have a good connection/frame, your partner will feel like he/she is part of your body. Wherever you go, he/she can sense the movement from your body instantly. Here are a few checkpoints to help you maintain a strong frame:

  • Cup your partner's shoulder blade with your right hand
  • Lift your right elbow
  • Roll your shoulders back
  • Stand up straight
  • Engage your core (tuck your belly in!)

2. Take Decisive Steps. Accidents often happen when the driver isn't sure where he/she is going and is being hesitant with his/her moves. On the dance floor, when you are hesitant about your dance steps, your partner will often start leading and you will end up stepping on each other's toes. As a leader, you must take strong, intentional steps and be clear with your leads and signals. When you are new to a dance step, practice it a lot until you can perform it confidently. Remember, leader, you are in charge on the dance floor!

3. Lead with Your Body. One big misconception in leading is to lead with the arms and hands, which can cause a lot of yanking that is ineffective and uncomfortable to the followers. Remember, movements are initiated from the core/torso, your arms are simply the extension of the torso that connects to your partner. So, when you are about to take a step, think about moving your body first before you take the step. Along with a strong steady frame, your partner will be able to react to your movement accordingly when you lead with your body.

4. Be Gentle.  Relax your fingers and try not to squeeze your partner's hands. Your partner should feel some pressure from your hand but you shouldn't hold your partner's hand too tight that causes discomfort and/or hinder the fluidity of a movement, such as a spin. Spins are the very few movements that you use your hands and fingers to lead, but still, you don't want to force a spin. Instead, pay attention to where your partner's weight is before a spin, find the right time to initiate the spin and let momentum do the magic.  

5. Listen to Music.  When you are new to partner dance, I understand how difficult it is to listen to the music while executing all the details in leading. However, you must try your best to dance to the beat of the song. Even though your partner is supposed to follow you no matter how off you are with the music, it will make it easier and more enjoyable for your partner if you dance to the music. Check out my previous post that teaches you how to find the beat in music. 



What other suggestions and/or observations do you have regarding leading in partner dancing? Please share! Also, stay tuned for our upcoming post, How to Follow like Ginger Rogers!

Happy leading!


The Duet Team is a group of friendly dancers who are passionate about helping people and sharing the joy of ballroom dance. And we love to make new friends and have fun at work! Duet Dance Studio is located in Chicago West Bucktown. We offer ballroom dance lessons, wedding dance instruction and private dance parties. Online Wedding Dance Lessons and Skype dance lessons are also available! Dances we teach include Salsa, Swing, Tango, Bachata, Merengue, Waltz and Foxtrot. Sign up for an introductory dance lesson now to get started!

How to be a good follower in social dancing -

We all have views on what makes a good dance partner.  I’ve shared my thoughts previously, and this post follows the same structure as my how to be a good leader post.  This post covers in more detail the how to be a good follower.  You’ll see that many of the points are similar to being a good leader.

I may refer to the follower as the lady, but it applies to anyone being a follower in partner dance. Similarly, I’m mainly referring to modern jive, but the points are equally valid for any other type of lead and follow partner dance.  If you want to be a great lead, it does help to have some experience of following, even at a really basic ‘given it a go’ in a class level. You realise how hard it is to follow without the type of lead you need. The same can be true for followers who’ve been dancing a while and find they’re struggling to follow.  Or if people start avoiding dancing with you.  You don’t necessarily need to know how to lead to be a better follower, but understanding their point of view, and how hard it is to lead will make you more receptive and adapting to different leads.

If you want to read more about improving your follower technique, you can find some great points over at Stephanie’s The Perfect Follow blog.

1, Have a good frame

Hold yourself well, not too loose and not too stiff.  But enough to be able to follow a direction

2, Don’t grips or use your thumbs

The leader provides the frame, the follower connects with a loose hook over the fingers. There’s no need for thumbs;  it makes it extremely hard to turn if either is gripping on tightly.

3, Have (good) spatial awareness

Yes rely on the leader, but help him too – he can’t see behind him.

Keep your steps to the size of the space available

Don’t take huge steps – it’ll take you out of connection and make you harder to lead

4, Don’t be scared to get up close

Social dancing is a contact sport. Yes, it can be awkward to begin with and we all have hang ups about our body, or worry about someone getting the wrong impression if you’re getting close.  Some moves require a closer hold and won’t work or feel right if you don’t touch more than just hands.  It may take time to get over the awkwardness, but to get that magic dance you need to lose the inhibitions of being on the dancefloor close to someone else who’s not your partner.

5, Feed back to the organiser if you feel threatened

Yes, dancing requires you to get up close for some moves, but that doesn’t mean you can’t hold back or give some distance if you feel uncomfortable.  Leaders (it can happen the other way round too) can occasionally get the wrong impression or make partners feel awkward.   So if you do (especially if you’ve spoken to others and they feel the same), then mention your concern to the organiser. They may have a word with the person.

If you don’t feel happy doing that, then don’t dance with them again, but explain that you didn’t feel comfortable dancing with them.

6, Understand connection

Connection is crucial to any social dance and it varies, as well as the phrase used. You may have heard resistance, tension, compression etc.  All reflect the same thing which is about connection between the lead and follow.  To follow well, this is crucial to understand – too much tension and resistance (ie stiff, tense arms) means you’ll have to be dragged around the dance floor to get you to move the way the leader wants.  Too little tension (spaghetti arms) and you’ll also be hard to lead.

Here’s some tips on making it work from The Perfect Follow.

The easiest way to explain is have lead and follow stand facing each other with palms up and out in front, against the other person’s.   You can think of the connection on a scale of equal pressure or force between the two.  So 10 is the equal maximum pressure if you’re leaning in against each other, while 1 is hardly touching.  The leader can then lead the follower walking in any direction while keeping the same pressure (practise at different strengths before settling around 4-5).

Then you move to do an in and out move, stepping back out and in at the same time, maintaining the same idea of connection (or tension).  If you’re leading to start, the leader gently pushes and the follow should give the same pressure against the hand as she then steps back, and similar pull back in with both using the same strength of connection.

The connection level needs to adapt depending on speed of music, ability and need of the follower with their understanding of connection, and moves.  So to do complication arm movements the arms and connection needs to be more relaxed, while leading ochos or forward stepping across you may need more connection (this is where the term tension can make more sense).

Because dance is a two way street.  Give what you’re getting in terms of compression, try not to fight against the leader.

7, Adapt to your partner

If they’re a beginner don’t add in lots of over the top styling that may put them off, work out how much is too much.  If you’re being flung around either ask them to ease off, or tighten that core and spot like mad when you spin.

8, Realise that often less is more

Extra kicks of legs, sticking the leg in the air while doing a drop, waving arms around all over the place….some are dangerous, especially on crowded dance floors, others might be better off being toned down depending on your lead.

9, Dance with different people

To follow well you need to experience different leads and different styles and moves.  The more strangers you dance with the better you’ll be because you’re not getting used to one person’s dancing. It means you have to follow and can’t anticipate.  You’ll also get more breadth of moves – it’s noticeable how dancers from different areas have certain types of moves depending on who’ve they’ve been taught by.

10, Want to improve

Followers may have it easier than the men, but there’s always something to improve on. Whether it’s technique, learning new styles to bring to your dancing, or improving a specific issue you have.  Taking action to improve will always help your dancing.  The more practice you do, the better your following should get.

11, Have good hygiene

Applicable to anyone who partner dances.  Girls, don’t think changing outfits is only needed by men.  I will quite often have a spare top because I’m not as lucky as some women who still look immaculate at the end of the night.

12, Look at your partner

The connection between dance partners is often what makes a dance. An occasional look and smile will give the leader confidence that you’re enjoying it, and you’ll probably have a better dance if you interact with your partner.

13, Listen to the music

Often leaders are concentrating so hard on remembering and thinking about moves, they miss the music.    Don’t fight them, but you can help them with breaks, slow points, keeping them with the music, and adding a bit of pizzazz without taking over and putting the leader off.  Also take your time and don’t rush. If you’re someone who does spins at high speed or races through moves wondering what’s taking the lead so long to get to the next move, listen to the time you have and you’ll have a more connected dance.

You can read more about connection and lead and follow at the below:

Salsa dancing tips
Avoid being blacklisted while social dancing

This post rounds up my series on being a good dance partner, and good leader.

What do you think makes a good follower?

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7 ways to improve your connection while dancing: zoukability — LiveJournal

7 ways to improve your connection while dancing
Posted by Gaëlle Céline Le Vu, France
Original: 7-ways-to-improve-your-connection-while-dancing/
The article is a logical continuation of the previous one: What does your very first movement in a dance with a girl say about . ..

"Connection" - connection, connection, clutch.

Connection in a dance context - such mutual understanding in a pair, when the partners seem to be connected with each other, are completely synchronized , they clearly feel the leading-following of each other and represent a single whole. I cannot find the same capacious and harmonious analogue of the word connection in Russian, so I will use the English version. The concepts of "contact" and "relationship" are closest, but they are not quite the same thing.

A dance without a connection is not a complete dance. One or both partners are immersed in themselves, focused on the mechanical execution of movements, do not feel their partner, use him as a simulator for working out ligaments. The dancers hold hands but they not together with . The ability to make many complex connections, even if they are technically perfect and you are a teacher in general (and suddenly) - does not affect the quality of the connection in your dance in any way;)

The topic is especially relevant, painful and suffered by me as a partner. You can live in peace and enjoy your role as a simulator and a moving mass, if you have never met this connection. But one day you will come across a partner with whom you will feel like you are somewhere in space, you want to dissolve in this dance. And your world will never be the same again. You'll understand what I'm talking about when it happens.

There is a lot of text ahead, but if you read everything carefully, think it over and start using it, then there will be a lot more happy smiles on the dance floor, believe me! I encourage affiliates to bookmark this article and re-read it periodically.

Ready? Go!

"The best thing about a hug is the charm of eternity in a couple of seconds. It's magic that allows two people to ascend to heaven in an instant."
(Anna Giacomo)

The first article talked about the benefits of hugging, building and maintaining contact in dance. But it's not always so easy: you may not quite understand how to achieve this, even if you really want to. In this article, we will look at several ways to improve the connection.

1. Feel. Enjoy the moment.

Don't let the hug be purely mechanical: don't automatically put your hands on your partner while you look around and think about the next move. Enjoy this moment, close your eyes (while you are standing still, it is not necessary to check what is happening around). Relax, open up to your partner, let her relax with you. Be attentive to her. Maybe she smells like sweet perfume, or maybe she's sweating a little. Or she gets nervous and thanks god just for that0008 , you have time to be with her before the dance begins. Maybe she's excited and looking forward to having a great time. Maybe you can hear how fast her heart is beating. Perhaps she is too tense: she is tired, which means that your dance should be easy, or is she just nervous and you will help her relax? Pay attention to these details, they can be seen. Be here and now. Your partner will know if you are not with her .

2. Relax.

Guys... I often hear some of you say things like "but she doesn't want to cuddle" or "she doesn't want to wait." Who is leading here? I thought it was you?..

This is the first moment. YOU are leading. This means that most of the decisions here are made by you. This does not mean that you should try to get your partner to do what she cannot do, or lead to something unnatural with her body movements, or try to perform with her the very movement that you so badly want to work out. This means that you must be attentive to her, see what is needed, and based on this, you begin to lead and show that you are here now for her.

If you feel that your partner is walking without guidance, which is typical of many beginners, think about it: why is that? I'm sure it's often because she's nervous. An experienced partner knows how to wait for the lead, but it takes time to learn this, it's not as easy as it seems.

If you feel that your partner is not waiting for you, gently make her wait . If you see her in a hurry, slow her down . Create gentle tension in your hands, and if you really need to stop her now, you can gently press your palms or thumbs into her hands. In most cases, there is no need to use them, and therefore, when you do, your partner will feel it and will be more attentive to you. Don't follow her lead! I'm serious.

Second moment. Whatever you do, your partner will try to mirror you . If you see that she is nervous and in a hurry, and you begin to hurry along with her (because sometimes you start mirroring us too), what good will come of it? On the contrary, why not force her to be attentive to you in the same way that you are attentive to her. Give her undivided attention, and then she will begin to relax and trust you => and be better behaved. Do not think that the partner does not want to lead. Once again, in order for her to feel led and patiently follow, she first needs to relax. So, if you are unable to help her relax, she will not melt in your hands and will not behave as well as she could. If you don't show that you are there for her, she will go "somewhere else" and it will show up in your dance. The dance will look and feel disjointed.

But before you can help your partner relax, you must also relax yourself. Relax your shoulders, remove tension from your neck, the girl will feel it, and then both of you will be able to feel the connection better. (Eventually, she wraps her left arm around you as you dance into a close embrace, she feels ALL of your tension.)

To recap. Relax yourself first. The partner will feel it and will also relax.

3. Touch heads.

This is optional, but a very good tool. Some partners may not want this kind of closeness with you, some of you may be too sweaty, or your shyness gets in the way. But let's assume the conditions are ideal. Use it as much as you like!

The simplest position is the close hug, but other variations can be used. For example, if you turned your partner and stand behind her, then it can be very pleasant for her to feel the touch of your head. You will feel more attentive to her, and she ... Believe me, she will be very good! But don't forget to feel it. Don't do these things because you have to. Relax and enjoy them.

In general, think about when you can use it and use it whenever possible.

4. Look at her. Or her movements.

Vision is a very important sense for a person. Let's use it!
From both a practical and an artistic point of view, it will be very good and beautiful if you look at the movements that you create. You can look directly at your partner, but if you stare completely intently, then this is somehow not very good. Not looking at her at all is also unpleasant and strange. But you definitely can't go wrong if you look at the moves you're leading. Why? Because you are constantly following her with your eyes, but at the same time you are not trying to aggressively look into her soul, if you know what I mean. Are you doing a simple laterao? Engage your chest and head, let them follow your arms. Do you lead to headwork? Follow these movements with your eyes and head, then you can connect your shoulders. Add more life to your body, accompany your partner's movements with your body. The girl will see it, at least feel it. This will greatly enrich your dance and add depth to it. Just think about what you are focusing on.

If you look somewhere else and at other couples, it looks like your insecurity (and this will negatively affect the connection, you are the host), or even as rudeness if things are really bad. Most likely, the partner will think that you are too shy and will try to understand you. Be careful with the image you create. Just focusing on the right things will already give you a huge advantage and make you feel better.

!!! This does not mean that you should not watch where you are going.
If you want to lead to a movement that involves moving in space or amplitude work with the partner's body, first look, WHERE you will lead her, and then lead . This way you will avoid clashes with other couples and add some style to your dance, because. your gaze will predict the next move.

Remark: very often the partners do not take into account the amplitude of the lady's head movement on headwork, different rotations, etc. Even if the partner stands with her feet in one place, the amplitude of movement of the upper part of her body can be greater! It is very unpleasant in rotation to crash your head into another pair.

5. Vary the tempo.

Yes, girls are sometimes too demanding, and learning to lead can be difficult. But if you practice, it will get better and easier.

One of the things girls go crazy over is musicality, or let's call it changes in speed for now. From simple, you can lead to some movement and in the process change its speed. It works with anything, anywhere, anytime.

The easiest way to use it is when driving. It doesn't matter if you are opposite, or to the side of your partner, or behind - imagine that you are taking her for a walk. Listen to music. If you hear a fast succession of accents or a melody build up in speed, why not speed up your walk? If the speed of the music is the same, then you can go at a steady pace, or play around and change the speed as you like. Why not? If the music slows down and you are walking at a normal speed, don't get hung up on the 1-2-3 count, you can use slow and the second quick, and skip the first one (tum chik chik). Or you can slow down even more and use only the slow beat (tum chik chik) Everything is possible.

Just add variety to your movements, don't dance at the same pace all the time, play with the music. Play with your partner. With great probability, this will increase her attentiveness, she will have to become more attentive to you, and the connection will become better.

6. Keep in touch.

One of the main rules of a good connection is to keep in touch. Have you ever had a professional massage? Have you noticed that the massage therapist constantly keeps in touch with you? Even if he needs to take oil or something else, he tries to keep contact with you with one hand.

If you lose contact, you need to rebuild it. And if the connection was not very good, then you run the risk of destroying everything that you have just achieved. One of the easiest ways to maintain contact is to place your right hand on your partner's back as she makes a simple turn and now has her back to you. This is not just a rule of "good technique", it allows the partner to feel you and understand where you are. She will know that you are still here.

If you follow this simple rule well, your partner will be more comfortable and trust you more. Naturally, she will not be able to explain why she felt this way, she will remember the dance as "it was very nice." But you know ;)

It's the little things that make for a great connection, and therefore a great dance.

7. Waves and other bodywork .

Last but not least. In a conversation on this topic, I cannot but mention the waves.
There are very, very many options for the execution of waves, you can write a separate article about this. But within the topic of connection, distance and tone are of key importance.

Pay close attention to your partner's hand on your back. Do not arch your back, do not try to walk towards your partner if he is not leading. He will lead, not you. Be sure to pay attention to this moment. Most likely you think that this does not apply to you, but my experience of conducting for a partner shows that 80% of girls do not feel and do not understand my hand on their back. Every time I have to explain that I need to lightly press my back into my hand , and then I can feel the connection. Focus on your back, feel your partner's hand. If the hand moves away, then you follow it! Once you work on this, you will be much better behaved. Just give light pressure to your partner's hand and let him decide when to start and end the movement, when to slow it down, etc.

For partners:
Keep a good frame, put your right shoulder and arm in place. Don't twitch violently, it won't help. Stand straight, your chest is the basis on which the girl will make a wave. You can also make a small wave with her, but don't make it stronger than your partner, it looks very strange.

What is the meaning of the wave? For me personally, a good wave represents good contact and tone. By tone in this case, I mean contraction (abdominal contraction) and the work of the back muscles. When you start the wave, bring your chest and ribs forward and up a little, then your belly, then your hips. When your movement takes the form of a serpentine, the energy decreases and you return to the starting position.

If the dancers do it right, I guarantee you a very pleasant wave)

Quick reminder

Feel and have fun. Relax. Feel free to touch heads while dancing, it's a useful tool. Give your partner all your attention, look at her and at the movements that you create. Change the pace to keep the her attention. Keep almost constant contact with her. Use waves and body work.

And at the end of this article is a demo of Freddy and Andressa, in which they use a wide range of possibilities of close embrace in dance. If, after all that has been written, you still do not quite understand what a connection is, then here it is in front of you.

You can follow the announcements of new articles through the VK group:

How to be on the same wavelength with a partner

A guide to engaging with your partner.
The remarks of the translator are in italics.

Around 4 am after a busy Saturday party, I had a memorable conversation with a friend about the dance, which started out promising but left a negative aftertaste because the partners were not on the same wavelength. This could be because one of the dancers was not psychologically involved in the dance. Or the cause could be stress from a crowded dance floor, fatigue, or some discomfort from a partner's style.

This is not an isolated case. Many of us have invited someone and experienced this terrible "dance of pity" or started the dance on a high note, but then it went downhill. How can this be avoided?

There are 2 types of disconnected dances: those you can't control and those you can fix. If both partners want to fix the disconnect, then magic can happen. If one dancer has already “dropped out” of the dance, it will be more difficult to correct the situation. Sometimes, even with your best efforts, nothing will happen. In this article, we will look at the available ways to help you save the dance.

1. How you ask to dance matters

In many cases, disunity in the dance begins with the invitation itself. Especially in cases where you invite a professional to dance, it can be difficult to understand whether his consent is an enthusiastic “yes!” or a condescending "ok".

In my experience, eye contact is a very good indicator of whether a person wants to dance. If the dancer is sitting at the bar, looking at the phone, talking, or you fail to get his attention, there is a good chance that he is not ready to fully engage in the dance right now. This doesn't rule out the possibility of a great dance with him, but you're already starting up the hill.

Do you know this feeling that the teacher is dancing with you on auto-pilot?… This happens because you invited a person who is too tired of insistent invitations and just unemotionally fulfills his contract, psychologically does not invest in the dance.

If you really want to ask someone to dance, but you're not sure if the person wants to dance, structure your phrase so that they don't have to accept your invitation now. For example:

  • Do you mind dancing after you rest?
  • Will you save one dance for me today?
  • I would really like to dance with you today!
  • Are you relaxing or ready to dance?

All these phrases do not put pressure on you psychologically, because they do not require an immediate reaction. They give a person a chance to decide if he is now in the mood for dancing. If he is now resting, then in this formulation he will not feel obliged to accept your invitation, forgetting about the needs of his body. If he doesn't like the song, the idea of ​​dancing "later" will give him the opportunity to ask you to dance when the music is more appropriate. When he gives an answer, just accept it. No need to ask again. If you feel insecure in the answer, then the phrase “are you sure?” can help, but it's not really necessary.

If you really admire this dancer, feel free to tell him about it before the dance. General compliments (without sexual overtones) are a great way to break the ice and make you want to dance with you. My personal way: if it's a teacher who inspires me, I just tell him that I really admire his dance and that I really looked forward to dancing with him. It almost always works, and such positive compliments have a very powerful effect on staying on the same wavelength.

The beginning of the dance is where it's easiest for you to set the tone for the entire song. This is "calibration" with a partner. Invite the person into your space, but don't force them to be with you. Be soft, wait for the feeling that the partner has synchronized with you before the active start of the dance. This helps to create the comfort that is so necessary for the development of the dance. It is very easy to ruin a potential connection by missing this sweet start.

If the dance begins with a turn, then proper contact between the dancers does not exist in it from the very beginning, and most likely it will not appear further.

The secret to finding what your partner loves is to pay attention to his facial expressions, body language, and the connection between you.

3. Make sure your partner stays with you

Someone likes a tighter contact, someone likes it easier. Some are smooth, some are sharp. Someone prefers simple and pleasant movements, while someone likes to be on the verge of their physical capabilities. Some people want to interpret the meaning of the song and tell the story in dance, others want to melt into sensations.

The secret to finding what your partner loves is to pay attention to his facial expressions, body language, and the connection between you. Ideally, you will both be on the same wavelength or meet somewhere in between, but sometimes you will have to do all the work yourself to get on the wave of a partner (or partner: gender does not matter).

If you have a "This is not my favorite style of music/leading, so I'll just endure this dance" attitude in your dance, it will be very difficult for you to create a magical experience with most dancers. If you stick to the attitude “What does my partner give me, and what can I do with it?”, then dancing suddenly becomes much more pleasant.

So what to do if from a technical point of view this is far from the best dance? Of course, this is not a reason to make complex risky movements in order to please your partner with this. Dangerous moves remain dangerous, and don't expect a lady to be led into moves she's not comfortable with. But if you keep in touch as a couple, many risky moves can be avoided or modified into something creative and enjoyable.

So what to do? Focus more on connecting with each other (it doesn't matter which side has more technical errors). Try to make your partner smile, draw more attention to yourself. Guys can go deeper into controlling their partner's torso in a close embrace or make simple movements by changing their pace. Do not be afraid to use pauses, change the speed of movement. Start the movement at normal speed, slow down the middle by 2 times, and complete again at normal speed, for example. Such a game with simple movements will involve the partner in the dance and make it varied and not boring. It is more difficult for girls to do something in this regard, but there are still opportunities. You can do something unexpected for your partner and at the same time harmless: slow down to get into the accent - he will definitely notice this and will be pleased with such a musical partner) If the partner maintains eye contact, then you can add charisma and acting (if you are comfortable feel like you are in that role. Well, or give your partner a light massage - after all, your hand often lies on his shoulder. It will definitely be unexpected for him, pleasant and help to switch his attention to the connection.

Another indicator of how "with you" a partner is now is how he physically reacts to what you are doing. It is easier for partners to follow this than for partners, but both parties can pay attention to this.


If you see a tense half-smile, a frowning or blank, absent expression on your face - something is wrong! Change it! If you feel excessive tension and constriction, do something to make your partner relax again. Maybe you are moving too fast. You may be dancing on ligamentous autopilot. Maybe you're holding your partner too hard or touching her in a way that she doesn't like it.

Play with movement variations and guiding style until you see a positive reaction. Slow down, simplify the movements, give your partner more freedom. If she wants something more challenging, do something simple yet unexpected, like changing speed. Has anything changed? If you don't have any more ideas, change the dance dynamics. This will get her attention, and give you the opportunity to change how you feel about each other and how you connect. Note that trying to play music sexually may not please your partner. Maybe she wants more fun and lightness, or, conversely, depth and drama.

A hint for you will be in how the partner moves in those moments when she has personal space for female style.


Your main contribution is how you hug your partner, your desire to share space with him, your desire to explore the interaction in your couple and shine. You can try to deepen the connection and show your partner how open you are to his energy and vision of the dance. Partner prefers deep connection? Intense drama? Fun and flirting? Does he like speed or stretch more? What does he hear in music? Does he like it when you add something of yourself, or does he like to lead all the movements himself? If you pay attention to these details, they will help you understand how to give a lackluster dance more shape and passion.

If you don't feel like doing some movement, you have the right not to do it, but you don't have to put negativity into it. You can silently ask for more space and add dynamics. You can experiment. These things include a partner. Don't be a pawn in your partner's hands, add some personality to yourself. So you will be remembered more positively and brighter.

4. Consider circumstances


A big cause of disconnection with a partner is discomfort from something.

It could be your raw technique, a lot of turns on a non-rotating floor, having to touch your sweaty T-shirt, or performing a series of complex moves in a tight space where compact dancing is more appropriate. One of your tasks as a partner is to keep track of where your partner is in order to avoid unnecessary stress. If a partner feels that you are not doing this, she simply will not be on the same wavelength with you, because in this case she has to maintain her safety on the dance floor alone. This means that you are not on the same team with her, and you are another circumstance for her to deal with while maintaining your comfort. Trust me, people don't dance with circumstances. Dancing with partners.

It is impossible to relax and enjoy the dance when the partner does not take care of the safety on the dance floor. If both dancers keep each other safe, all is well. But when I understand that I am alone looking around and only my vigilance can prevent a collision, all my attention will be directed to what is happening around and maintaining my comfort. The more people on the dance floor, the less I will be able to enjoy such a dance and the less I will invest in interaction with a partner. If he does not know how to look around and at the same time gestures, leads to movements with an inclination of the body, in which it is difficult for me to monitor safety, the more nervous and non-contact I will be. The situation is very common, unfortunately.

Also take into account the outfit of your partner. If she is in a dress or skirt, then she will obviously not be happy with the cambra to the floor and movements in a deep squat. Every time I find myself in such a situation, I wonder: is it really so difficult to realize? .. I don’t mean jambs with an outfit, when the partner herself is to blame for dressing so thoughtlessly, but the most normal, acceptable dance length that she chooses most partners.


If the partner is dancing compactly to avoid collision with other couples, adapt your movements accordingly to this scale. Just as you don't want a partner who slams you into other dancers, partners don't want a partner who they have to constantly restrain from getting killed. Be aware of your position in space, and if you have the opportunity (and you do), take some of the responsibility for safety in the dance. This will show that you are a full-fledged partner, and not a "partner's responsibility."

For both parties, there are circumstances that can greatly remove your partner from you:

  • Unpleasant odours: sweat or breath. Always take care of personal hygiene, take deodorant, wet wipes, chewing gum with you just in case. Don't eat onions and garlic before a party or even the day before. Just is not . The smell of the garlic stomach is disgusting and indestructible, neither chewing gum nor toothpaste interrupts it. If you sinned and ate a little garlic, but you don’t smell it, and the dance partner instinctively turns away and tries to stand further away in an embrace, now only maintaining a distance will save you
  • If you sweat in streams. A wet head that you lean against your partner, or a wet T-shirt that you have to hug - it doesn't matter, it's equally unpleasant. Take a change of clothes and a towel, feel free to use it
  • Perfume too strong
  • Clothing, accessories, hair accessories that hit, scratch the partner. This includes: watches, belts, brooches, cufflinks, zippers, which cling to the partner's clothes and hair; beads, chains, etc. , which can hit a partner in the face; heavy elements of the hairstyle that also hit the partner in the face - braids, hairpins, etc.
  • Uncontrollable facial expressions: licking lips, protruding tongue, lowing sounds (partners sometimes tend to mental overexertion). I don’t invent, I write from nature!

Creating a positive relationship - connection - is a constant work with attention, sensitivity and "presence" in the dance

Connection can be created or destroyed at any time during the dance. This is not a one-time adjustment-calibration, this is a whole series of interactions that ultimately lead to the final result.

Remember the most important thing: if you focus on yourself and your feelings, then you risk losing your partner's energy. If you focus on how your partner reacts and how you can fit in with each other, if you try to get into his sense of a good dance, then any dance can be memorable.

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