How to dance alone at a club
How to Go Clubbing By Yourself
Photo: Chris Bethell
After nearly two years of on and off closures, going to a nightclub still feels like a revelation – there’s a sweaty hedonism in the air that wasn’t around in the simpler times of 2019. But what to do if your pals aren’t as committed to hearing every beat drop within a 20 mile radius as you are? Before you write off the idea of going clubbing by yourself, take a moment to consider the benefits that a night out alone can bring: No getting dragged along to endless smoke breaks. No losing people in the queue. No drinks runs that send the cost of a night out spiralling out of control. And, crucially, the night ends when you want it to end – not when your friend gets booted out for doing lines off the toilet.
Take it from me, a seasoned solo clubber. My first night out was in Montpellier, France while I was on holiday with my dad. (He’s the most spectacular dancer I know, but our music tastes vary too widely to find common ground over a car playlist, let alone the French electro scene. ) Questionable track transitions aside, dancing the night away in the company of strangers came with a freedom I’d never experienced when partying with mates. I’d never sacrifice the euphoria of sharing a dancefloor with my closest friends, but not having to tag along with a group meant I could enjoy every second of the night on my own terms. If that’s all starting to sound appealing to you, I asked other seasoned veterans for their best tips on how to go clubbing alone.
Make new friends - and ditch them when you want
The tantalising possibility of a solo night out is you have no idea who you’ll meet. I probably spoke to over 20 people in my few hours out in Montpellier, but my favourite bit was the freedom to drift from group to group. Enjoy the company of your new pals, but remember the flexibility you have as a solo partygoer – if you fancy changing dance floors or are bored by the conversation, you barely need to provide an explanation for your sudden absence.
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Events manager Sean O’Connor, 29, has partied by himself since 2011. He found the experience of going to a club alone has pushed him to make connections with others. “I’m a very introverted person,” he explains, “and these experiences helped me to work on coping in social situations and overcoming anxiety when meeting new people.”
Dan Funke, 20, has gone clubbing solo around four times, but for him, “partying by myself doesn’t mean partying alone”. You get the chance to meet new people and making friends is easier than you’d think: “Everyone is mostly nice and communicative and eventually a group will adopt you or you will meet someone to spend the evening with.”
Fake it till you make it on your solo night out
I was in the tram a few hours before my night out when I spotted three people in heels and glitter-drenched beards. I told them about my solo plans, asked if they had any recommendations for places to go and they instantly invited me to join them for a drag show later. Pre-drink location: sorted.
The lesson here is to fake your confidence. It may feel intimidating to approach a group of strangers, but in reality, so long as you’re not being pushy or sexually aggressive, most people will be flattered to be asked a question or told their outfit is cute.
If you’re in need of an extra confidence boost, listen to your favourite high-energy playlist to hype yourself up on your journey to the venue. It’ll help you walk in like you own the place, even if you’re a bundle of nerves on the inside.
Fill your pockets if you’re clubbing alone
My night-out shotta bag contains the usual essentials: gum, phone, bank cards, lip balm – and cash. Remember that bumming a cigarette off a stranger might go down okay, but if you need £20 for a taxi home because your phone’s run out of battery, you might have a harder time finding someone to help you out. Be self-reliant and bring everything you might need, including a phone on full charge. And if you’re on holiday, write down the address of your accommodation on paper, just in case your phone does die.
Do your research and reframe your thinking
Yazan Saleh is a 22-year-old DJ who has gone clubbing by himself over 50 times. “You’re the pilot of your night and experience,” he enthuses of the experience. Yazan highly recommends planning your trip before you plunge into the great unknown: “Do a little research on the artist, lineup and venue so you become familiar with the atmosphere before going there.”
Clubbing is so often seen as a communal experience that we miss out on the freedom and flexibility of following your own instincts. Yazan likens clubbing solo to visiting a city by yourself - for me, the experience is similar to going to a gallery, restaurant or workout class alone. In other words: think of clubbing as a hobby that you can enjoy on your own terms and you might be more inspired to give it a go.
Look out for number one on your night out alone
The first couple of hours of my solo night out, I struggled to settle in one place. Every spot I chose was infiltrated all too quickly by a man dancing way too close to me. Later on, I danced with a couple of people I’d been chatting to and felt like less of an obvious target – but the harassment was a good reminder of the importance of prioritising my safety.
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This advice was emphasised by every person I interviewed. “Especially if you are a femme or a trans person – I’m both – you should put your safety first,” Dan says. “Let your friends know where you are. Send them your live location. Watch your drink and don’t take any drugs from people you don’t know.”
Sean reminds me of the UK’s scheme Ask for Angela: “If you can’t leave a person who you get bad vibes off of, or who makes you feel uncomfortable, then you can always ask for Angela at the bar or cloakroom. ” The staff will understand this as a signal that you need help.
Sadly, the dancefloor isn’t as safe as it should be, particularly for those of marginalised genders and identities, and going out without the back-up of friends might feel unnatural even at the best of times. But if you feel safe enough to party solo, the possibilities of the night are endless – so prepare as much as you can, then lean into the unknown. You might just have your best night out yet.
The Art of Rolling Solo: Going Out Alone as an Introvert
Going out alone, going out by yourself. Sounds kinda lonely, doesn’t it? Like something you would only do if you didn’t have any friends to go with?
Here’s the thing. Now, I want you to get this in your head right away. Forget everything you ever thought you knew about partying.
Going out to a club or bar doesn’t have to be a group excursion.
Think about it like this. You wouldn’t stop yourself going into a café on a random afternoon to sit down and have a coffee and a snack, just because you happened to be by yourself at the time and felt like having a darn coffee!
Going out alone isn’t any different.
That’s why I prefer the term “rolling solo.” It’s a perfectly normal, healthy thing to do. Unfortunately, for some people, there is a social stigma attached to it, especially those on the more insecure side.
But if you can get over that initial hurdle of actually getting yo ass out there, the benefits are really something. If you’re capable of getting ready for a night out alone, walking each step to the club/bar, and sitting down with a drink, then that’s already a huge benefit to you confidence-wise. Give yourself a pat on the back, because you’ve just done what a lot of people would be pissing their pants just thinking about.
If you can get to the stage where you can strike up a conversation with a stranger easily, then you’ll have no problem not looking socially awkward at parties, or making a good impression for a business negotiation or job interview. In a way, going out alone is perfect practice for these kinds of situations, and you have no companions to feel embarrassed in front of if you do wind up saying something silly.
But that’s just the boring stuff. If you’re going to roll solo, it should be more than just a confidence-building exercise. Otherwise, you’ll just get stuck on that, which at the end of the day will be more of a hindrance than a help to any kind of confidence-building. If you’re going to do it, you should do it for you, for something you want. Something you couldn’t do if you were going out with people you knew… think about it for a moment, and suddenly a whole lot of possibilities will become clear to you.
Been wanting to go to that new bar or club, but your friends are always stuck on going to the same places? Go check it out. Heard about a live show or event in a bar you’d like to attend, but friends aren’t keen on it? Go anyway. Tired of always talking to the same people, about the same things? Meet new people, ask about their stories and you’re bound to learn something interesting, or even make new friends. This is a big one for me as I tend to get bored if I’m not exposed to something new every once and a while. I’ve met plenty of travellers and foreign workers in bars, and as a travel fanatic hearing from them always fascinates me.
And the big one a lot of you are probably reading for: Remember that time you saw a really hot guy/girl in the club, but just couldn’t find an escape from your friends to go flirt with them? Or when one of your friends started cockblocking/clamjamming the minute you were starting to get somewhere? Or, if you’re anything like me, you simply don’t want your friends re-telling stories about you going home with different people, or getting it on in public—which can happen in a club even if it’s not what you’re into (believe me, it’s not my thing, but I’ve been there), especially if you don’t want to discourage the person you’re flirting with (touché).
When you roll solo, none of those friend-induced restrictions come into play any longer. You’re free to do what you want, when you want, where you want, how you want to, for however long (or short) you want to… you get the idea.
Now you might be thinking, okay, that sounds great and all, BUT there are still a lot of BUTs?!!!... Based on my experience and what I’ve read elsewhere, I’ve put together a list of 7 tips for mastering The Art of Rolling Solo.
1. Forget the Group Excursion Rule
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Going out alone is a perfectly normal thing to do. Sure, you will be surrounded by people who are accompanied by their friends. That’s just a fact you will have to accept. But among those, you’ll be surprised how many others there are like you, just out by themselves for a good time.
A lot of people worry, what if someone asks who I’m with and I look like a loser for being by myself? Don’t sweat it. Just tell them, “I’m rolling solo tonight. How about you?”
First of all, you’ll sound like a f***ing boss for saying it. Nothing oozes more charisma (and sexiness) than a person who is comfortable being out by themselves, in their own skin. Even if it’s not entirely true, fake it till you make it. The truth is, going out alone is really not an easy thing for most people (myself included) and the first few times you will probably be nervous. It takes time to get used to it. But the more you do it, the more you will find yourself actually becoming that self-assured person you’re acting as. What’s more, you’ll learn to enjoy your own company, even when others are around to watch you (i.e. without feeling self-conscious) and as overrated as that might sound, I can’t count the number of times this skill has saved my life. Getting my thoughts in order, observing my surroundings and just quietly enjoying being me are some things that get me by when I’m not yet engaging with others at the bar/club. Try it!
Secondly, admitting you’re alone opens you up for being invited to join other people’s groups. Honestly, people are more often friendly than not. They’ll be impressed by someone that has the confidence and self-love required to enjoy a night out by themselves, and want to know more about you.
And if you do meet people who are weirded out that you’re by yourself (though I never have), they’re not the kind of people you want to associate with anyway. Just politely excuse yourself and move on to the next person. Really, if they can’t contemplate the possibility of someone being able to go out and have a good time by themselves, then that’s because they have their own insecurities to deal with, and that has absolutely nothing to do with you 😊
2. Alleviate the Pressure
Remember the café comparison? If it helps, tell yourself you’re there first and foremost to get a drink and just chill. If you’re an introvert like me, there will be certain things you enjoy doing alone anyway. Just think of going out as another one of the things you like to do by yourself sometimes.
Most of all, don’t put big expectations on yourself. This is especially important if you’re new to the art. Honestly, if all you do the first time you go out by yourself is walk in the bar, sit down and have a drink before leaving for home, that’s okay. Depending on your current confidence levels, that might already be a huge achievement for you. The important thing is to know your limits, and when and where you can push yourself (see Tip #3).
If you’re reading this in the hope of picking up guys/girls, the number one rule to remember is DON’T GO OUT EXPECTING TO GET LAID!!!!
This will only lead to disappointment and not wanting to go out by yourself ever again.
If you want to go out alone to get laid (or even start a relationship), it is definitely possible (I can vouch for that). You just have to accept the fact that it may take a while before that happens. Unless you’re a straight cisgender female, in which case you will just about always find a guy who is DTF, though I can’t guarantee he’ll be a looker or have any brains.
Think of every night you go out as having a 5% chance of getting laid. Not only will this avoid disappointment and being too harsh on yourself for unsuccessful nights, but it’s often accurate. More cold hard facts you’ll have to come to terms with if you want to do this properly: the vast majority of people going out will be doing so to spend time with friends, not strangers, to dance, drink, not necessarily to find sex. Some will not be single, and also, as mentioned before, a lot of people just aren’t comfortable hooking up with a stranger, especially if their friends are around to see it unfold. Then there are cases where you might get a kiss or a phone number but for whatever reason going all the way just isn’t on the cards, at least not that night.
Now I know 5% seems tiny, but remember: if every night has a 5% chance, then the more you go out, the more your chances will increase. And you’ll be surprised how quickly that adds up. But of course, in order to be successful, you’ll have to follow the other tips and make conscious efforts to flirt with many people.
3. Set Small Goals Each Time You Go Out
This will allow you to increase your confidence each time you go out, until you are comfortable talking to anyone. For example, you might start with something like, “tonight I’ll talk to somebody” then next time you might make it “tonight I’ll talk to three people” and keep increasing the number until you reach twenty or higher (this depends on the size of the venue, of course. Be reasonable).
Remember to be specific to you. Nobody knows your limits better than you do, so don’t go too far if you’re new to rolling solo—this might make you lose confidence if things don’t go as planned. BUT don’t go too easy on yourself either—be prepared to step outside of your comfort zone.
Each time you succeed in achieving a goal, you’ll feel totally awesome and proud of yourself for doing it. I even get mini adrenalin kicks from these kinds of challenges sometimes.
You can also try quality-oriented goals instead of quantity. Like, talking to each person for approximately ten minutes minimum, so that you actually learn to carry a conversation—otherwise, if you only stick to numbers, you might miss one of the most important points of rolling solo, i. e. getting to know new people.
That being said, don’t invest all your time and energy in one person. It’s tempting to cling to the first person you have a successful conversation with, but you might come across as clingy, annoying, or creepy. What’s more, if that person ends up in a conversation with someone else, you’re at a dead end for people to hang out with.
Even if your goal is to take someone home, talk to many people to increase your chances. If someone is really interested in going home with a stranger, you don’t need to talk to them for too long to secure that. They’ll be after looks or charm and someone who isn’t too much of an asshole, which is usually gauged within the first ten minutes of conversation anyway. As long as you show them via body language (standing near, "sexy" eyes, etc.) or flirting with words (pickup lines, etc.) that you’re interested in sex, then you’re likely to know whether they might be interested in that in the first ten minutes. If you want to be extra sure, ask for their number and say you’ll hit them up later that night, near closing time or whatever. This means you can text them later to see if they will really go through with it, but you also managed to get others’ numbers in the meantime to increase your chances. And if you’re lucky and have multiple successes, this means you get to pick your favourite 😉
4. Making an Entry
An important thing to remember is that it’s natural to spend a decent portion of your time out just sitting alone with a drink. Realistically, you’re not going to merge into others’ groups instantaneously or have someone to talk to 24/7.
The trick is to get comfortable with this. Remember that it’s natural, relax as you would when getting that coffee and snack at the café. Don’t worry about people judging you—honestly, 99% of people couldn’t care less if you’re at the bar by yourself. However, you will be more approachable than if you were with a group of friends, which is exactly what you want.
While you’re sitting, spend some time thinking to yourself or looking around. In fact, looking around is pretty important. It will allow you to gauge who to talk to. Obviously, if you’re in this for the sex, you’ll want to figure out which people you definitely don’t want anything to do with. I’d recommend not setting your standards too high though, if you want a better chance of success. You could try making a list of potential candidates and ordering them by which you’re most interested in and therefore will approach first.
Even if you are just in it for the lays, I’d advise all solo-rollers to be open to talking to absolutely anyone. This is because the easiest people to talk to aren’t necessarily the hottest ones, and, especially if you’re just starting out, you’ll feel more comfortable if you’ve made successful conversation with somebody. This increases your confidence and therefore your ability to talk to more people. Also, it’ll make you look good. If others in the bar/club see you talking to someone, it shows that you are approachable and friendly, making them more likely to be open to talking to you later, or even approaching you of their own accord. On top of that, if you talk to people non-discriminately (i.e. not just one gender, not just the obviously attractive people) you’ll seem like less of a creep and/or flirt, which ironically is always handy for getting into people’s beds. D'oh.
Also, people you wouldn’t think of as attractive from just looking can suddenly become super mega hot when they start talking. You wouldn’t want to rule those ones out, would you?
So, what exactly should you be gauging for when looking around, other than levels of attractiveness? I’ll narrow it down to a few types.
- The Lonely, Uncomfortable Ones. Heck, if you’re just starting out as a solo-er and are super nervous, this might be you! That’s all right, because you’ll quite often come across others in this situation. Some will be solo-ers, some will be with a group that they’re not particularly comfortable with. Often the reason they’re feeling uncomfortable is because nobody is talking to them and they’re too shy to start a conversation themselves, so they’ll be happy if you approach them first—especially if you mention that you’re out alone and/or have no one to talk to, so they feel that you share some common ground.
- The Friendly Ones. These are the people who make eye contact first, smile, etc. It’s pretty obvious really. A lot of these will probably also be looking for lays, so keep that in mind. Then again, I have met a lot of people who are just friendly for the sake of being friendly. They might have seen you alone and that’s their way of offering you an opening to join them or their group. As I said, people are more often friendly than not. The first time they make eye contact you may not quite have realised that they are one of these types, but don’t worry as if they did it once, they’ll likely do it again. All you have to do is try and catch their eye and smile. From there, go up and introduce yourself right away. If you wait too long to start a conversation with someone you’ve made eye contact with, it will get awkward, so take my advice and just do it. The worst that can happen is the conversation ending as quickly as it started, in which case at least you gave it a shot. And remember, there’s no reason to be embarrassed because no one you know saw anything.
- If you’re stuck for conversation topics, make a list in your head beforehand. I usually use the same basic questions “Hi there, what’s your name?” “Who did you come with tonight?” “Where are you from?” “Do you come here often?” If you can, it’s best to start with topics related to the venue, their menu, etc. It just feels more natural and less nosy. If they seem friendly enough, then you can move on to more ‘personal’ questions (where they’re from, their job, etc).
- The Fun-Loving Ones. These are the people you wanna hang out with the most because you can tell just from looking that they’re having a really good time. If you want to dance, sing, and be merry when you go out, they’re the ideal companions, and are often open to letting others join them. If they also happen to be attractive, you might have a better chance with them as they are often confident and fun-loving enough that banging a stranger will be totally cool with them. The only problem is that they may be so busy having a good time that it’s difficult to find an opening. Still, with a bit of persistence, it’s quite possible and well worth it, no matter what your intentions are! I find with these types it’s best to be direct: “Hey, you look like you’re having a really good time over there. Mind if I join in?”
5. Have a Backup Plan
If you’re worried about “wasting” a night out, it might help you psychologically to have a backup plan for when you get bored, when not many people show up to a venue, the atmosphere just isn’t hitting it, etc. Examples of backup plans include going to see some live music at another venue, grabbing dessert somewhere, etc. I might use my backup plan temporarily if, for example, a bar or club I want to go to isn’t too full of people yet and I don’t feel like waiting around.
A lot of people who roll solo advise going to a bar/club somewhat earlier so you get into a more social mood while everyone is still filing in, and so you can use newcomers as opportunities to start conversations before it gets too busy/noisy. While this might work, I personally prefer being in a club/bar when the atmosphere is already kicking. So if it’s not, I go somewhere where it is or where I can at least be entertained till a later hour.
6. Let Loose, Have Fun
It can be hard not to be self-conscious when you’re out by yourself, but this is just one of the things you get good at when you roll solo regularly.
If you like dancing, then dance! If you’re embarrassed, just remember no one you know will see you, so you don’t have to worry about being made fun of in the future! Although in reality, it’s unlikely you would get made fun of for dancing in a club. That’s one of the biggest reasons people go clubbing, after all, so they won’t judge you no matter how weird or wonderful your dancing might be. What’s more, someone who dances in a club is bound to come across as confident and approachable. Remember the fun-loving types I mentioned? The ones you’ll wanna hang out with? They’re often the ones out on the dance floor—you could be one of them! Not only will you be having fun through dancing, you’ll very likely be able to meet more people this way.
If dancing isn’t your thing, maybe you have something else you like doing at clubs/bars. Just listening to the music, trying out drinks/food, whatever. Indulge in what you enjoy. You don’t always need your friends there to have a good time.
Whatever you do, at least try to look like you’re enjoying being there—smile, or whatever feels natural to you. You’ll be bound to attract more people.
7. Just Do It
Last but definitely not least, Tip #7! Don’t think about it too much—just do it! Try it! And remember it may take a few tries to get into it. If you think this is something you want to give a go, I’d recommend committing to going out alone at least 5 times, and using the tips each time, before you give up. Really, it’s pretty normal to loathe it or freak out the first few times. But if you determinedly keep following the tips and relax into it, you should get there. If after 5 times of using the tips, you still think rolling solo isn’t for you, then you’re probably fine to drop it. But I believe that if you follow the advice given here, at least one of those 5 times will give you something rewarding.
Now get out there and start rollin’ solo! 😊
For more great tips, check out this site here.
This article was also designed to aid solo travelers. If you're interested in more travel tips, see this Wordpress!
How to learn to dance in clubs for a guy
How to move on the dance floor without looking ridiculous and clumsy - this question has probably worried the representatives of the stronger sex ever since the synchronized movements of couples in a waltz or mazurka. For at least a century now, men have had to guess what a profitable disco dance should be like. Unfortunately, even professional choreographers will not answer this question. But we will try to highlight the basic rules. nine0003
Hop and R'n'B
Rules to follow
Let's tell you a secret: most guys on the dance floor don't look stupid because they haven't taken lessons in dance studios and can't tell tectonics from r'n'b , but because they do not catch the rhythm of the music and cannot relax. And if no one usually pays attention to the first, then the second immediately catches the eye of others.
Hence the first rule: listen to music and let your body dance freely. nine0003
Choose a style
If you are a frequent discotheque visitor, you should choose a certain dance direction in which you will move on the dance floor. Of course, it will depend on the music that the DJ will put on, but for ten years now hip-hop and electronic music have not left the clubs. Therefore, you can master the basic movements of either one or the other. The "electronics" elements are a bit simpler, so it might be worth starting with them. Video tutorials to help you! nine0003
Sign up for a trial lesson
Try to vary your movements
If after watching the videos you still can't feel comfortable on the dance floor, you should consider signing up for a dance studio. An experienced teacher, a company of like-minded people and regular classes will quickly do their job, and you will finally be able to relax and stop having complexes during dancing. Plus, to the envy of your peers, you will no longer dance like a “newbie”. nine0003
Remember that everything is for fun
If you do somersaults on the court for ten minutes with a tense face, and then return to the table sweaty, your friends are unlikely to appreciate it. Understand that dancing is not a competition, but a completely cultural form of recreation. As they say, relax and have fun!
Let it all flow
Let go of your body and emotions, surrender to the music and move without paying attention to others. The tension in the dance is the main obstacle. Stop thinking about movements, no one will notice them in the crowd and darkness anyway. nine0003
How girls will evaluate movements on the dance floor
Perhaps the results of a study by scientists from Northumbria University will help answer the question of how to learn to dance in clubs for a guy. Experts studied which dance moves performed by a representative of the stronger sex attract women. The places were distributed as follows:
- Head turns;
- Pelvic twist;
- Vigorous leg movements;
- Large amplitude elements; nine0043
- Uninhibited movements.
No matter how strange the rating may look, it is scientifically confirmed. However, many gain self-confidence on the dance floor only after attending a few lessons in a dance studio. By the way, in the Labosa club, there is a chance not only to learn how to move effectively, but also to meet your partner so as not to be alone at the disco.
How to learn to dance in a club
Open set in a group for beginners!
- Strip plastic nine0043
- Social dancing
- Belly dance
Club dances are, first of all, the ability to hear the rhythm, move naturally and easily, improvise - this is a combination of different dance styles, united in one direction and used in nightclubs, discos and parties. This is an opportunity to dance to any modern music, both alone and in a large company. Learning to club dance is not as easy as it seems. Rhythm is the basis of any "club dance" direction. Only focusing on the rhythm, you can perfectly master one or another direction of club dance. The advantage of Club dances is that you are not limited by any limits - the dance itself implies complete freedom in choosing movements, music and mood. nine0003
Club culture has firmly entered modern life. It used to be that learning to dance club dances is the prerogative of young people, but now they are happy to attend club dance classes, parties are quite respectable and mature people.
A little bit from the past of club dances.
Club dances appeared in Russia after the Olympics with the opening of the first dance clubs: Morocco, Rezonans, Blue Bird. The king was then considered "disco-funk" with unique Boni M, Erapshen, Arabesques. Then came the Italian time with its heroes: Andriano Celentano, Albana, Pupo and Romino Power - all this brought a fashionable dance wave. nine0003
In 1985-1990, the club dance scene was taken over by Break-dance, and it became clear to everyone that in order to be noticeable on the dance floor, you need to devote some time to training. And also a significant role in the club dance was influenced by video clips with the participation of Pop King Michael Jackson.
1992 - the beginning of the electronic culture of club dances called trance-house - music without words. There is a desire to be harmonious both in clothes and in dance.
From theory to practice - how beautiful and free to dance in a club? nine0010
- First you need to relax. One way to relieve constraint is to choose movements that you know well and do easily and naturally. Remember that most of the time you can't dance exactly the way you did in class at school. The movements should be fairly light and simple. Do not make movements with the maximum amplitude, as the teacher in the classroom tries to make you get physical activity, and tries to give you the maximum movements per unit of time, as a result, compact concentrated and short compositions are obtained, the movements have a stage look. They are good, but not always for the club. nine0043
- Slopes in the club are performed only symbolically, instead of jumps, a barely noticeable push of the feet.
- Learn to improvise, as different music often plays in discos or clubs, and several styles can be intertwined in one composition at once, feel these transitions.