How does a lap dance work

Lapdance - Lapdancer reveals stripping secrets

Interested in getting a lapdance? We spoke to lapdance and stripper Ruby Winchester, who worked in a strip club in the US for four years. Here, Ruby reveals lapdance secrets and strip club confessions.

1. How did you come to lapdance at a strip club?

      "I’ve been a dancer forever but when I was 18, I blew my right knee out which pretty much ended any professional career I'd ever have. Later on, I had my own dance studio but closed it down to move back home. There was no dance studio that would hire me, because they thought I was going to take their students. My best friend was like, 'Hey come on, we’re going to go to the pole studio,’ and I was like, ‘no we’re not’. We went and from day one I was hooked. Then my husband and I got into a position where we needed extra money and the pole studio was in the exact same parking lot as the strip club, so we thought 'why not?'"

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      What are the hours like?

      "Brutal. The club I worked at had a day shift and a night shift. For the night shift, I would get there between 6.30pm and 7pm and work until 3am. We had to work at least four days a week. If you didn’t, you had to pay a fee to come back and dance."

      3. What is a normal shift like at a strip club?

      "I would try and have my hair done so when I got there, all I had to do was put my make up on – you want to look nice when you’re on the floor. I'd change out of my regular street clothes... you don’t want to walk into the club in a thong, get my heels on and then check in with the DJ.

      "There were two poles on the main stage, and it would start off with one girl on each – you’d go from pole one to pole two, then go into this little tiny area where the bar was and you’d do your third set there. The girls were on rotation."

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      4. How does the whole private dance / lapdance thing work?

      "Lap dances are where the big money is. They’re not cheap (around £20 per song), so you’d come down off the stage and walk around, I called it doing the rounds. I'd walk around the club, talk to a guy, flirt, initiate conversation so he'd want a private dance.

      "Your stripper personality is not the same as your regular personality, and you'd always have to have that turned on. You’re flirty, it doesn’t matter if you’re married, you appear single otherwise you’re not going to get anything. You are their fantasy – you can normally get a feel for what they’re into as you’re talking to them. ‘I like women who are more dominant,' they might say, and then you turn it on... you become that."

      5. What does a private lapdance involve?

      "I always got my money upfront and I would do one lap dance for £20 or three lap dances for £45. We’d take them to the VIP room, it was really nice and kind of dark, there were couches. Mood lighting. You give them the lap dance and no sex is involved. The club I worked at, this was an open area and behind me across the room would be another girl giving a lap dance.

      My signature move was that I’d flip upside down

      "My signature move was that I’d flip upside down. I would always take my shoes off, walking around in 7 and a half inch platform stilettos for eight hours was horrible. As soon as we got back there, I’d take them off. I would open his legs up, put my hands down on the floor and do a handstand and up onto his lap".

      6. Would you be naked on stage?

      "I have a very large chest, like a DD. So I would stay covered so guys would want to see what was beneath. I'd go topless on stage if it was a slower night and there weren’t many people in the club. But that’s how I made most of my money – by not going topless on stage and only during lap dances.

      "In America, it depends what state you're in as to whether you can be fully nude."

      7. How much did you make per night?

      "They don’t pay you hourly and you only work for tips. The kicker is you’re considered an independent contractor, so you’re renting your time on stage. The club has a fee you have to pay at the end of every night. That can range from £10 to £450 a night. And don’t forget to tip the DJ because if you don’t, you’re going to wind up dancing to an 8 minute song about ham sandwiches.

      "I would make more than the other girls, not because I was better than them. I’m curvy and a size 14/16. The other girls were size zero. I would bring in anywhere between £300-£380 a night. Most of it was lap dance money."

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      8. What were the customers like?

      "There was always a good mix of guys – the military guys and run of the mill dudes, you know, the guys that work construction. There was always that one creepy guy though, that nobody wanted to deal with. You could literally see us trying to avoid him.

      "They’re the ones who always want to be touchy (if they touched us they'd be thrown out), who want your personal number, the ones who ask what you’re doing after work. I am going to McDonalds and getting me a hash brown, that’s what I’m doing. "

      9. Did you ever felt uncomfortable or unsafe?

      "I never felt unsafe. But there were times where I would get uncomfortable. My first night, I was terrified. I was so scared I was shaking in my platforms. But my release is performing, so when I was up on the stage, I was golden."

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      10. Did the customers ever get physical with you?

      "We absolutely had people trying to grab us and overstep the mark. My dad is a retired police officer, so growing up I was taught self defence. Once, this guy tried something, and he wound up on the floor with my heel on his neck. I was daring him to move, and the DJ was calling me to the stage because it was my set. The security officer walked in and was like, ‘are you ok?’ and I was like ‘I’m not the one you need to be asking.’

      " I always am aware I may need to protect myself"

      "The rape culture is nuts. I always am aware I may need to protect myself, because according to most people, women who wear short shorts are asking for it. Strippers are wearing less than that, but we’re not asking for it. All women should have their guard up around men regardless of the situation."

      11. What do most people get wrong about lapdance and strip clubs?

      "Most women whose boyfriends go to a strip club freak out because they think they're being cheating on. But nothing is going in an orifice, and for most of the guys, you are essentially their therapist in a thong. They talk about what’s going on in their lives and what’s happening at home."

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      12. Are there any customers that stick in your mind?

      "There was a guy who was about 70 who used to come in, he was so cute and we all wondered why he was in an establishment like this. He would get lap dances from us, but we wouldn’t actually dance for him. His wife had passed away so all he wanted was communication. The first time he got me, I wanted to cry but couldn’t because I couldn’t mess up my eyeliner. I just wanted to hug him."

      Did you feel good when you were on stage?

      "Oh it made me feel sexy and my confidence level went through the roof. Money is flying because you’re confident and you exude that. The more confident you seem, the more money you get. Before, I was very shy."

      14. Were there any downsides to the job?

      "The drama. You don’t want to try and get caught up in the drama, because it’s a bunch of girls. There’s always, ‘oh well she’s taking my customer’. I watched one girl drag another through a dressing room. She broke out the pepper spray and we all got sprayed in the face trying to get her off. I had to go out there all swollen.

      "Don't get caught up in the drama"

      "You have no idea of the size of the blisters on your feet after being in those heels for so long. The next day you can barely walk."

      15. Does your husband support your work?

      "He came in once and he sat there at the bar with a beer. As soon as I was done with the set - obviously no one knew he was my husband - I walked up to him like he was a regular guy and went and gave him a lap dance. He gave me the money and was then like, ‘we’re getting dinner with this when you’re done’.

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      "One night, I came home exhausted, changed clothes, and we went and got food. When we got back home I was about to get in the shower and my husband is bursting out laughing. He’s like, ‘honey you’ve got dollar bills stuck to your butt’. He pays the light bill and says ‘I paid the bills with ass money’."

      16. Do some people consider stripping to be sex work?

      "Some people do, but we are not sex workers (not that there is anything wrong with sex work). We do not want your man. We might think he’s cute and might flirt with him, but that’s because we want his money."

      17. There’s a misconception that most women are there because they have no choice, was that the case at all?

      "I don’t think so. .. you can always get a retail job. I have a stripper friend and she’s an ex college professor and has a PHD. She does it because she loves it and wants other females to feel that empowerment and embrace their sexuality. Women should really take control of who they are. To me, dancing is a feminist act."

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      Strippers Explain 9 Strip Club Etiquette Rules


      Walking into a strip club is a lot of pressure for the uninitiated. The workers offer a sexy service, but what do you do with your hands? What DON’T you do with your hands? To shed some light on the unwritten rules of interacting with strippers, and thus make the whole experience better for everybody, we went right to the source.

      A couple months ago, photographer Amy Lombard and I spent nearly 24 hours in Show Palace, one of the only all-nude clubs in New York City. Although we spent the entire lifecycle of a mayfly there, we sensed that the stories we heard were only the tip of the iceberg. So we decided to go back to learn more from the strippers and the club manager about their job, their clients, and how to behave in a strip club.

      Over the course of a lazy Sunday night (lazy because who goes to a strip club on Sunday?) we hung out in the dressing room with the dancers, who told us their best stories, advice, and tips from working in the industry. These are their words:


      A lot of guys get mad—they don't understand that I'm a dancer. I don't have sex for money, and some guys get very upset about that. They won't shut up. "Oh have sex with me, I'll give you money. I'll give you however much money you want." That's probably the most annoying thing.

      A lot of the guys are from Asian countries, or they're Middle Easterners or South Americans. I think there might be cultural differences. Very often, in the clubs in those countries, if the woman is in the sex industry, she will have sex for money. There may not be a subset of women that only dance like there is here.


      I don't know if they're serious or not, but I've had guys offer me like $1,000. And I'm like, Listen, I don't have sex for money. If you would just sit back and relax, you could enjoy your dance. It's very irritating. Men need to just try to understand the limits. Enjoy the club for what it is instead of wishing it was a brothel. — Jennifer

      I had a girl in the private dance room. We have cameras, you know; we watch the private rooms. She was bent over and she broke the cardinal rule: Never let the guy stand up. So the guy was standing up pretending to like dry hump her from the back, and then he pulled his dick out like he was going to put it in and I was here watching the cameras and caught it. But she was scared. We immediately grabbed the guy and let him out (not so nicely). You can't violate the strippers. You cannot do that. — Mike Diaz, Manager

      A guy will pull his dick out a couple times a week, usually in the private rooms. I just go, "You got to put that away," and some guys won't. So I just go, "I'm walking out if you don't put that away," and that tends to work. I think I've only had one guy I've had to walk out on in the six years I've been dancing. Most guys are good about it and do what you say. — Jennifer


      I turned 18 on January 17. There was a 70-year-old guy here my first night. He was like, "Just don't give me a heart attack." I was like "Yeah, I'm going to try not to." There was another old guy—he was like 63. He was like, "I would so take you out on a date. Are your nipples pierced? I want to suck on your nipples and fuck the shit out of you right now." And I was just like, "What?!" I always end up with the weird ones. And then a lot of guys will tell me that I look like their little sister or something.

      There's a guy who came in once. We went to a private room and he was like, "You're so beautiful." And as I'm dancing on him, he goes, "Oh my God, you remind me of my daughter, I'm going to tip you all night." I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. I stopped. I was like, "Excuse me." He was like, "Oh, I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out." I was like, "Oh… OK. I'm just going to proceed with what I'm doing." But after that there was this weird tension. He knew he fucked up. So, he just stayed quiet.


      But today he brought me cupcakes! He said, "I was at my job, and I was thinking about how precious you are, and so I made you some cupcakes." — Asia


      I had this one guy who really stunk. He was a college boy. He didn't wear no deodorant. He was sweating nasty. He smelled like onions. I was in there an hour with him and I had to deal with that smell for so long. I kept, like, rubbing my nose trying to give little keys like, you need deodorant. It was horrible. — Asia


      There was this guy who liked to smell butts. We go to a private room and he goes, "I got this freaky fetish. I'll give you a lot of money for it." I was like, "What is it?" And he was like, "I like to smell butts." At first I was kind of creeped out, but… what happens in the champagne room stays there. He just wanted [me] to bend over and catch a whiff. One whiff and that was enough. — Ruby

      There was a guy who liked to dress up as a woman. He put on one of the dancer's clothes, G-string, everything. She let him wear them. Recently, on the day that they changed the law where homosexuals could get married everywhere, he walked around the club in a G-string and a dress and he got on the pole and started dancing. Everyone left him alone though. He had a lot of money—like a few thousand. — Paloma

      5. Lap Dance Etiquette: Don't Come In Your Pants

      I hate when guys come in their pants. It's nasty. You can just dance on them, like you're dancing on their lap, and they come. And it has gone through and soaked someone's pants before, and you'll feel it on the back of your leg, and you'll be like, "What is that?" And they'll look embarrassed and they'll tell you, "Oh, I just came." But I leave after that. It's not funny! Give me a warning sign so I won't sit in it!

      Now that it's happened to me before, I'll tell them, "Listen. When I'm dancing you need to not do that. If you are going to come, please give me a warning so I can stop dancing." — Ruby



      Some guys come in with the wrong idea and they want to treat the dancers like garbage. I had a guy come in the other day, a well-dressed kid. He comes out of the cab and I was standing at the front. You know those guys who get overly familiar right away? He was like, "Hey, what's going the fuck on?" I'm like, "Kid, what are you talking about?" He's like, "You got fucking bitches in there?" I'm like, "All right, first of all, you come in here with that kind of attitude and I'm going to end up throwing you out. Second, you come in and talk to these girls like that, I'm going to throw you out. And you're not getting any refunds either." The guy looked flabbergasted. But you got to defend the girls before they even come in sometimes.

      Some of these guys—they just look at them like they're nothing. Nothing. Some of these girls are mothers. Some of these girls are students. My ex-girlfriend, she became a world-class surgeon, but she started as a stripper. There's articles about her. — Mike


      Of course I get the guys who want to marry me. They say I shouldn't be doing this job. It's a bad job and I should go marry them. And it's almost always Indian guys. They say it's not good that I'm here; that I should be married.

      I just tell them that I don't want to be married, and then they tell me that it's terrible that I want to be single. I should be home and having babies. And I'm like, "Nah, I like my independence." — Jennifer




      Sometimes, if you give a customer your number, they'll call like they're dating you. They have no chill. I'll block them and they'll call from other numbers. There was one I met that I liked. He liked the fact that I was very nice, but he got on my nerves because he talked a lot, but he was spending a lot of money. The first time I danced with him, I got $1,200 from him. I gave him my number the second time I saw him. But once he couldn't get in contact with me, he was actually coming to my job to find me. He tried to pull "I'm going to stop going to the club, we should hang out outside." He wanted pictures in his phone of us together like we were dating. — Paloma

      "If I went out with everyone that asked me, I wouldn't have free time." –Jennifer

      I get asked out five to ten times a night and I'm just like… I tell them they have to come back if they want to. They got to see me here a couple times first because otherwise how do I separate the good from the bad? I can't tell who you are in a half-hour. If there's a genuine chance I might want to see them again I tell them to come back and we'll see. I try to be pretty honest about it, and guys that I would never see outside I'm like, "Sorry, I don't see customers outside of work." Plus, if I went out with everyone that asked me, I wouldn't have free time.

      But I have a couple people that I've made friendships with inside the club and I see them sometimes. I used to have a customer who, on my birthday every year and at Christmas, would take me to a Broadway play and a nice dinner at one of the restaurants around Broadway. That was cool. — Jennifer



      The hour-long private rooms are always a lot of talking. You almost never dance for a straight hour. I have a bunch of customers who come in who just like to talk to me. I have guys who I don't even get undressed for. One of my best customers here is a French guy. He'll do like two hours with me and we mostly just talk. Guys love to confess to us things they wouldn't tell other people, like their sexual secrets. They like the affection. They like the attention.

      Once or twice, someone has gotten emotional and started to tear up. I used to have this customer who would come see me. One time after he got some stuff out of his system, he told me about his life, his childhood—he teared up a little and was just like, "I had a really good time, that really relaxed me. Thank you."

      Part of this job is practically being a therapist. It's funny, but as a dancer you don't make the most money because you're the prettiest. You make the most money because you can connect with people. I've seen gorgeous girls not make any money at all and girls who weren't traditionally good-looking do really well just because they knew how to talk. They knew how to connect with people basically. That's what they come here for. These men just want a connection. — Jennifer

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      Questions about striptease - The Perch street clubs in Moscow

      What is a lap dance in a club?

      Lap dance is a service provided by the artist (dancer) of the club, waiter or bartender. This service lasts 5 minutes. During promotions and promotions, the duration of the dance changes.

      During a private dance, the girl is completely naked, she dances only for you. The dance happens with you in contact. The purpose of a private dance is aesthetic pleasure or getting a state of excitement.

      Sexual contact, masturbation, exposing one's penis, touching the girl's genitals are not allowed. Any other contact is possible only by mutual agreement.

      If the guest does not comply with the rules of the private dance, it will be completed and must be paid at its cost.

      What is a promo or promotion?

      Promotions are promotions for private dances. In our striptease club you can get them in different versions. The most popular is 2 private dances for the price of one. You pay for 1 melody, the second one you get as a gift. Each subsequent melody after the promotion will go at its full cost.

      What is the trick in a strip club?

      The chip is the local currency of the club, which you can exchange at any convenient time during your visit. Chips are used to pay for private dances or other crazy menu items. When buying 10 club chips at once, you get 2 chips as a gift.

      What are gatherings?

      During the work of a strip club, each artist must perform on its stage, dance private dances for guests who invite her and participate in the show program of the club. If you have a desire for the girl to spend time only with you, then you can use the service - gatherings (there are various options in the crazy menu section). When acquiring this position, a gathering for an hour, the girl will be with you all this time, and you will also receive 2 private dances as a gift.

      I am 18 years old, will the club let me in?

      Yes, they will let you through. Take your passport or driver's license.

      Visiting an institution of an erotic nature is possible for persons who have reached the age of 18.

      What kind of music is played in the club?

      Musical styles and trends are quite diverse, mainly modern music, commercial, commercial pop-music, Euro-pop, R&B, remixes of various compositions.

      How much money to take to a striptease bar?

      You can get acquainted with the price category of positions provided by the strip club on the website, in the menu section.

      All prices are real, you do not need to pay extra on arrival at the club. Tipping is at your discretion. Girls communicate with you absolutely free of charge. There is no consummation in the club for food and drinks that you treat girls to.

      About the strip club

      • Rules of the club
      • Questions and answers
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      • Crazy menu
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      How strippers work in Dnipro


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      Today, pole dance is not at all the same attitude as 10 years ago. On the one hand, pole dancing is still an integral part of striptease clubs, and on the other hand, it is already a separate sport, in which championships are held in Ukraine. Vgorode figured out what are the differences and how girls work in the "men's clubs" of the Dnieper.

      Private dances: what a client can afford

      A shot from the film "Byzantium".

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      In local striptease clubs you can order not only striptease, but also private and themed dances. The former, unfortunately, sometimes include more than just an erotic dance.

      - We have not developed this culture at all. If you work under a contract even somewhere in China (this is a very common practice among Dnieper pole dancers), then you come across a completely different attitude towards the profession. A lap dance initially implies a certain bodily contact: the client can touch you, but putting your hands in your underwear, demanding closeness, and the like is unacceptable. Unfortunately, in our strip clubs, clients can do everything, - says Olga, a dancer in one of the clubs in the city center.

      According to her, girls who agree to intimacy with clients earn many times more than their more chaste counterparts.

      - There are also themed dances in our club. The assortment has 7 dance numbers stylized as dances of concubines in a harem, superheroes, snow maidens (the latter are in demand at New Year's corporate parties), - says the girl.

      Olga has been working as a dancer for about two years now. During this time, she had to change two strip clubs.

      - The first one required girls to have sex with clients. Any uncle with money could "rent" the girl he liked after the performance. I immediately refused, after which I was soon shown the door. Before that, I worked as a pj in nightclubs, so there were even special fences around the pylons so that no one pawed you, ”recalls Olga.

      Striptease is only for strong girls

      Photo: http://www.

      Pole tricks require good stretching and serious strength training.

      - I have to work out in the gym for about 1.5-2 hours a day. I take a day off once a week. I go for stretching (stretching) and pole dance to a dance studio in the center, as well as to a gym not far from home. In order not to hang on the pylon like a sausage, you must have strong hands. Now I'm even thinking about quitting the strip club and teaching at the studio. In fact, the pylon is both an art form and a sport that is simply vulgarized in "men's clubs". Even a pregnant mom works with me in the group, because this sport helps to keep fit and is very feminine, - says Olga.

      True, according to the girl, pole dancing is at the same time a very traumatic activity. Often girls fall down.

      - I had a meniscus injury and a friend had a concussion after she fell off the pole while doing a stunt. Another danger is heels. In strip clubs we dance in high heels. It’s hard in such shoes and it’s very easy to wrap your legs around the pole and twist your leg, - says Olga.

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