How to dance in clubs for girls
How To Dance With Women In A Club: Verified by women. -
How to dance with women? We guys have all been there. We are at a party and we see all these beautiful girls on the dancefloor. Our natural reaction is to want to dance with them.
So how should guys go about this? Well, much of the advice available is given by men. However, it is in fact women who are much better placed to give this advice. For women are the ones who know what truly works (instead of men who just ‘think’ they know what works).
We compiled a comprehensive set of responses from a wide variety of women on their advice for how men should dance with women. This advice is logically broken down below:To dance well with women at a party or club requires men to:
- Be aware of the need to earn a womens trust
- Ackowledge the difference between dancing and ‘picking up’
- Become a good dancer themselves
- Practice partner dancing
- Be well-groomed and have good fashion
- Assess what type of woman they are interested in dancing with
- Use subtle signs to signal their interest to the woman and being perceptive to the woman’s mutual interest
- Select an appropriate approach which aligns with the type of woman they are interested in
- Close distance to be within the woman’s proximity allowing dancing to ensue more easily
- Know what sort of dance moves they should do when dancing with a woman
- Know when to stop dancing and when to take things further.
In the following paragraphs, we break down how these criteria work in reality. This is supported by real experience and advice from women who have experienced dancing with men. We break down why these criteria are critically important for men on a dancefloor who want to dance with women.
Read on for 11 key factors that you should take into account before approaching women on a dancefloor. These will help to avoid embarrassment or awkwardness, or at worse, rejection.
Table of ContentsBe aware of the need to earn a woman’s trust:
This is a very important thing to be aware of. Many women on a club dancefloor have reported being victims of men touching them with no consent. This means that women on dance floors have a legitimate distrust of men who approach them in clubs and parties.
The challenge of a dancefloor:
Understanding a woman’s mistrust of men on a club or party dancefloor is invaluable as a man. This enables men to be aware that they need to be careful when approaching women in a club. Men need to understand that women have their defenses up in a club. These defenses are higher than in less sexualized environments, such as a cafe or book club.
This does mean that approaching women on a dancefloor is a particularly challenging/hostile environment, but not an impossible environment.
‘Nothing gets my defenses up more than a guy leering at us for 10 minutes then being attacked from behind on a dancefloor.’
‘From my experience, lots of guys think it’s ok to just come up behind a girl and just start grinding himself on her ass. THIS IS NOT OK.’
‘It is scary, and honestly very creepy to have someone casually establish control over you without consent.’Emily, 24, club dancer,
Jacinta, 28, club dancer,
Rebecca, 19, Club dancer.
The need to be genuinely trustworthy:
This all means that a man needs to genuinely earn a woman’s trust. He needs to genuinely show her that he is not just there to touch/kiss her. Note the word genuine, definitely don’t try and fake it, that is manipulative and immoral.
At this point, allow me to introduce Andrew Ferebee, who is a 3x bestselling dating author. He notes that without trust, the interaction will be laced with tension where the woman will be questioning:
- ‘Is he trying to sleep with me?’
- ‘Do I want to sleep with him?’
- ‘There are dozens of other guys here too, is he the one I want to go home with?’.
To avoid such tension and transactional behaviors, it is important to build genuine trust. It is also worth acknowledging that dancefloors are not the holy grail for easy relations between men and women. This is despite what movies and songs have portrayed them as.
Earning trust is the first and most important step in being able to dance with a woman.Acknowledge the difference between dancing and ‘picking up’:
It is critical, particularly at parties or clubs, that the difference between dancing and ‘picking up’ is understood.
For many men, the only reason they want to dance with a woman is to attempt to touch a woman. You guessed it, women are very perceptive to this. Indeed they are on the lookout for this and are generally not attracted to it. However, in some cases, it also works the opposite way too.
The trouble with ‘picking up’:
But, I hear you ask, what about the women that seem to enjoy guys that touch them immediately? Well, women have reported that there is indeed a small percentage of women that:
- Will likely be insecure physically
- Will usually drink too much
- Are attracted to the loudest, aggressive, and most rambunctious man in the room
- The man will touch her without much consent
- She will take this as evidence of her attractiveness and feel verified.
For the purposes of this article, these types of men and women are categorized in the ‘picking up’ category, not the dance category.
It is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED you avoid such behaviors due to the high potential for a lack of consent.
Also, remember that men who participate in this type of behavior are likely playing a numbers game. Let’s say a man hit’s on 30 women. The nature of this game means they might commit low-grade sexual assault on 28 out of 30 women. 2 out of 30 women might enjoy being dominated. That’s a pretty low success rate with a whole lot of harm caused.
This is a destructive and selfish game to play by those who have no qualms with traumatizing others. Unfortunately, such small success is very public. Many men biasedly see the success of the rambunctious man with his 2 out of 30 women. They would take that as proof that this is the only way to dance with women at a club. This is very incorrect and destructive.
The difference between dancing and ‘picking up’:
So, this article will focus on men dancing well with women for the purposes of having fun dancing. Not for the purposes of getting physical on a club dancefloor.
The end of the former vs the start of the latter can be flexible at times. Particularly in a venue where the alcohol is flowing and the dancefloor is crowded and genuine attraction exists.
The difference is that the former is more wholesome, and more of a gentleman’s trait than the latter. And it is sorely needed on today’s modern party dancefloor.
A useful article to read which highlights the nuances of club dancing is How To Dance In A Club: The simple, proven technique.
In order to start dancing well, men need to do a subtle yet powerful shift from:
- Dancing for the sake of ‘picking up’
- To dancing for the sake of enjoying dancing.
Otherwise, your whole motivation and resulting movement are skewed. A metaphor for this might be eating food for the sake of savoring a delicious meal versus eating food in a competitive eating competition.
‘Have fun dancing and don’t be on a dancefloor just to get to a womans body.’Advice seen in 97% of female responses.
This leads us to the fact that many men don’t know how to enjoy dance without ulterior sexual motives. This is addressed in the next paragraph.Become a good dancer:
This is where many men fail. The number of times you will see men who cannot dance try and dance with women is too high. This is not a good look.
Dancing poorly also reduces a man’s status. The reason for this is it is clear to the woman that the man does not have much athleticism. This a key attribute in the male-to-female attraction construct dating back centuries. The principle is how can you protect her when you have no warrior attributes.
So it is crucial that before a man looks to dance with a woman, he himself should focus on becoming a good dancer and learn how to genuinely enjoy dancing.
‘If men have rythym, cool dance moves, and are a confident dancer, there is a good chance a woman will want to dance with you before you even approach her. ’Lauren, 25, club dancer.
Two articles that are invaluable in this regard are as follows:
- How To Dance As A Guy: The complete guide men need.
- How To Become A Good Dancer: The complete guide people need.
Dancing well also allows men to show women what type of character they are. For example, if a man:
- Drinks to excess
- Careens around the dancefloor and stumbles into people
- Gets into women’s personal spaces without consent
- Has half a pint of beer sloshing in his hand and the other half of the pint is all over his clothes
This all clearly shows women what type of character he is, aka lacking class.
In another example, if a man:
- Is on a dancefloor genuinely enjoying the music
- Moves with confidence, humility and is courteous of others on a dancefloor
- Is sober enough to be in control of himself
Then this also shows women his more decent caliber of character.Practice partner dancing and apply the learnings to party or club dancing:
Dancing with a girl is quite different from dancing by yourself. For this reason, it can be quite useful to gain some experience with partner dancing. However, it is acknowledged that club or party dancing with a girl is different from formal partner dancing.
When you practice partner dancing, whether it be Salsa, Ballroom, etc, you become more accustomed to the nuances of moving with a woman whilst dancing.
This is useful in a party or club scenario because you will already know:
- Rythym synergy between a man and woman, and what good synergy feels like.
- How it feels to hold a woman’s hands whilst dancing and how to lead those hands.
- Feet placement to avoid stepping on the woman’s toes or having your toes stepped on.
- How to perform some moves if it does come to partner dancing.
- What to do if a woman comes in close and wants to slow dance.
- The differences between partner versus solo dancing, etc.
- How to be comfortable with dancing with a woman, including eye contact.
This is a fairly straightforward staple of the attraction world, and yet one which is too often glossed over by men.
Similarly to dancing well, being well-groomed and having good fashion raises your status with women. Being well groomed includes the following:
- Trimming your beard or being clean shaven
- Good skin maintenance
- Attractive hair
- White and even teeth
- Attractive amounts of muscle/fat
- Good smell- includes body and breath.
Again women are very perceptive to these things as they themselves are often the masters of beauty and fashion. Remember if you can’t take of yourself, how can you take care of her?
This is particularly important in a scene such as a club or a party, given how visually-based these places are. The reason for this is that the music is usually so loud that meaningful conversation is limited.
It is useful to think about the importance of grooming and fashion from a woman’s perspective. Would YOU want to dance with someone who looked below average and smelt below average too?
Tips on how to be well-presented:
So spend some time and invest some money into looking and smelling great. Some useful and quick tips to get you started in this regard are as follows:Get inspired:
Follow 2 fashion social media channels on your platform of choice. This will give you regular inspiration.
It will also give you tips on how to wear clothes fashionably by men who make a living from it. It forces you to engage in fashion choices as it will be a part of your social media consumption.Identify what you need:
Make yourself a list of clothes you need to improve your wardrobe. Include color, material, and context of when you would wear it. Focus is key when shopping.Avoid burnout:
Set yourself a time limit of 1.5hrs whilst shopping. Also, keep notes as to when you last shopped and which shopping center. Remember that stores tend to introduce new clothes every fortnight to a month. Shopping efficiently will reduce the chance of burnout.Be disciplined:
Be disciplined with your grooming schedule and don’t be afraid to experiment with what works for you. Consider permanent solutions for body hair such as laser hair removal. If you do get laser hair removal be sure to seek out a reputable clinic to avoid harmful side effects.
However, be wary of such things as waxing which can cause negative side effects. Particularly if you are prone to in-grown hairs.Stay fit:
Join a gym or purchase home gym equipment and commit to a regular fitness schedule.What your friends say about you:
Also, be aware of what your own group looks like. Are your friends well-groomed and dressing well? This can raise your general status.
Or is your group a large number of heavily muscled, tall men? This can be intimidating for women. Particularly if her acceptance of your dance invitation turns into her unknowingly accepting all of your friends into her small group of girlfriends.Assess her type/group:
Quickly assessing what type of woman you might be about to try and dance with is valuable for several reasons. The most notable of these reasons is that there are many different types of women on a dancefloor. Many of them also have different preferences and motives for dancing.
For example, a woman might look shy and not too confident on a dancefloor. Brashly going up to her and doing wild dance movements in her vicinity probably won’t be attractive to her. Whereas being more subtle and matching her perceived mood will likely be more attractive to her.
However, a woman might be confidently dominating a dancefloor with intense dance moves. In this instance being more confident and bold will likely yield better dance results for you.
Genuinely assess whether you have a chance with her given her level of attractiveness. If she is completely stunning, you might feel that she is definitely out of your league. This is fair enough. In this, it might be better to aim for someone who is perhaps more aligned with your own physical attractiveness. Be honest with yourself, but also make sure your self-esteem is accurate (not too high and not too low).
Types of groups:
Assessing her group is also useful because the group type can influence the chances of you dancing with her. For example:
- A large guy group: If she is with a large guy group this is risky group. This is due to the unknown relationship types the girl might share with each or one particular guy.
- A large girl group: If she is with a large girl group this can also be a risky group. Particularly if the group seems to be protective of her due to her good looks. This might reduce your chances of dancing with her.
- One or two girl friends: If she is with few friends this could be an easier group to dance with. Particularly if the friends seem easy going.
Women have advised that gradually moving to a woman’s vicinity on a dancefloor makes it easier for dancing together. Note the keywords here are gradual and vicinity.
Gradual in this context means not in an obvious way. You don’t want to make a beeline for her, as that is intimidating. Just make it look as though you are finding a better space on the dancefloor to dance. It is also important to not approach from her back as this is where many unwanted advances come from. Approach her gradually from the front so she knows you are not trying to creep up on her.
Vicinity in this context means within 1-2 meters of her, depending on how crowded the dancefloor is. You don’t want to go right into her personal space bubble. This bubble shrinks or contracts depending on how crowded the dancefloor is, but STILL EXISTS. At this stage, you just want to be within her line of sight. This means she has the chance to notice you more without immediate pressure.Signal that you might be interested and be perceptive if she is also interested:
So, you are now within the line of sight of a woman that you want to try and dance with. What do you do now?
Advice by women is that a woman is generally very aware of who is in a club or party. She will likely have already seen you (even if she pretends she hasn’t). And generally already made up her mind as to how physically attractive you are, and if you are:
- Physically attractive: But if you are innitialy in this category, poor dance skills can bump you down into category 2.
- Not physically attractive: Generally speaking, no amount of great dance skills will hange her mind about you. The importance of first impressions.
- Unsure: Be aware that if you are in this category, good dance skills can raise your status into category 1.
Indicators of interest:
To get some sense as to how interested she is in you, can go three ways, as advised by women:Your eye contact:
You can signal that you might be interested in dancing with her by giving her eye contact AND smiling.
This is one of the least intrusive ways to start the process of engaging a woman like a gentleman.
But, remember there is such a thing as too little and too much eye contact. Also smiling too broadly or too little. Too little and you risk not being noticed. Too much and you will come across as creepy/cringey.
After the first bit of eye contact, you will be in her head. Now is the time to dance well and show her you are a cool kind of guy.
- Try and repeat the eye contact 1-2 more times after a song or so (whilst giving her a nice smile).
- Notice if she smiles back
- Or giggles with her friends
- Or you find her looking at you after you have glanced away from her.
- A fun trick is try poking your tongue out at them like a kid. This is fun and makes you stand out.
If she does the above, then there is a good chance that she might be interested in dancing with you. Or at least talking with you.
But, be receptive to if she doesn’t smile back or is just returning your look without any warmth. Take that as a sign she is not interested.Her eye contact:
If you find her looking at you:
- Around 3 times
- She smiles with her friends aftewards
- Or maintains eye contact beyond an accidental length
Then these are good signs that she may be interested in you.
It can be useful to have a female friend with you on a night out. Your female friends can notice when other women may be looking at you in an interested way. Or verify if a woman’s look is indeed interested as opposed to an accidental look.Chance conversations:
Women have also advised that interest in them doesn’t always have to be through eye contact. It is possible to engage a woman in small talk at a:
- Or smoke area
- Or outside of the club
This can be done using small talk topics covered in the next section.
However, be aware this is more intrusive than eye contact and should be treated with more caution as a result.Restraint in chance conversations
Be aware, that showing some restraint (but not too much) can be attractive.
Let’s say she is very beautiful and she is engaging in conversation with you. Show some restraint by not immediately jumping at any small sign of interest she shows towards you. This will raise your value and generally make you appear less desperate or at least different to other men.
For example, you can tell her she looks really cute tonight, have some small talk, then back off. This way so she knows you are interested but you are not pushy and you have restraint. You might then see her on the dancefloor and you will be in her head.
Understand that most beautiful women have men desperately trying to get her number. The vast majority of these men are usually too pushy, flirty, sexual, or desperate, or all of these combined.
Have the dignity and restraint to wait for more substantial signals of interest.
A good trait combination is to have:
- The boldness to engage in chance conversations
- The restraint to not be too pushy or flirty
- Have the values of kindness and respect
- Remain genuine and fun
- And the perceptiveness as to how much she did or did not enjoy your small talk.
If it looked like she did not enjoy the conversation by:
- Staying glued to her phone
- Or mentioning her boyfriend
- Or not reciproacting the conversation
Then take those as signals as signs to back off.
‘A woman will have seen you (even if she pretends she hasn’t) and already made up her mind as to how physically attractive you are and if you are a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘maybe’.’Sarah, 27, club dancer and dance teacher.
Accurately read signals of interest:
This ‘interest confirmation’ is a step that many men also fail to do, particularly in clubs. It is very important to get some sense of a woman’s interest level, prior to dancing with her.
Far too many egotistical men think that one random glance from a woman is her signaling that she wants them. It’s generally not as flippant as this.
Also, far too many men drink to excess and then start to approach and touch women on a club dancefloor. They do this because they wouldn’t know what to do if they were sober. And don’t care when they are drunk. DON’T BE ONE OF THESE.
Take rejection well and generally not personally:
Always remember to be a gentleman on a dancefloor. And be receptive to indications of interest or non-interest and react appropriately.
Numerous women have advised that there may be multiple reasons for a woman’s lack of interest. It may not be because she finds you creepy or that you lack attractiveness or skills in approaching.
There may be a variety of reasons such as, she may:
- Just want to dance with her friends
- Have a boyfriend
- Not be in the mood to dance with anyone due to hidden issues
- Enjoy dancing by herself more than dancing with someone becuase it limits her movement
- Not want to have to go to the effort of finding out if she can trust a strange man
- Not be looking to meet new people due to her personal circumstances such as going through a tough time in her life
- Have exceeded her threshold for dealing with new people for that night
- Have a general aversion to dancing with a guy due to past experience
- Be tired
- Be about to leave
- Have sore feet
- Have drunk too much.
Also, be aware that you can do the perfect approach and some women don’t know how to react appropriately or kindly. Unfortunately, this can happen where she carries more blame than you. This is particularly rife in younger women.Transition tactfully/naturally to dancing with her:
This step is the most nerve-wracking. This is where there is the biggest risk of being rejected or things being awkward. This step is of course transitioning naturally to dancing with her.
This all builds on points 6, 7, and 8. It requires:
- Selecting the right approach
- Approaching at the right time
- Using the right approach for the type of woman you are interested in dancing with
- Approaching after (and only after), receiving confirmation of her interest in dancing with you.
General advice from women on transitioning to dancing with them:
Advice from many women on transitioning to dancing with them is as follows:
- Don’t slink around the edge of their girl group like a predator.
- Definitely don’t grab them from behind as women report that is scary, disgusting, not sexy, and low-grade sexual assault. Put yourself in the woman’s shoes and imagine if you were trying to have a fun night out. Then someone proportinally stronger than you decides to come up behind you and start grinding on you without any consent. DO NOT EVER DO THIS.
- Many women don’t know what they are doing either with dancing with a partner. So you can take some comfort in that.
- Don’t just start breakdancing in front of her.
- Check your body odour, level of sweat and breath smell. No one wants to dance with someone dripping in sweat and reaking of body odour/foul breath.
- Ask women to dance (and wait for a response) instead of just grabbing them. Most of them will say yes, but never blur the lines of space and trust.
- Think of women as people first (not women first) with feelings and a story just like you. Not some mysterious species. Don’t alienate them to the point where unnaceptable behaviour becomes acceptable.
How to dance with shy or not confident women:
If the type of woman is shy or not confident then:
- The right approach will generally be to match her mood and level of moves.
- This will make her feel more comfortable and less out of place. When people feel comfortable they are more likely to want to dance.
- This might look like gradually/casually facing her
- If she reciprocates the face-off, then showing each other a few dance moves before complimenting her on her dance skills.
- Suddenly you now have stood out from the crowd and are less of a stranger.
How to dance with bold or confident women:
If the type of woman is bold, has high energy, and is very confident then:
- The right approach would generally be to match her energy and boldness.
- This might look like putting on your best dance moves
- Or raising the level of eye contact to see if she reciprocates
- Or if she is in the middle of a dance circle then engaging her in a mock dance battle. You get the idea.
Remember to keep things natural with small talk:
Women have advised that if you feel the need to break the ice then consider these small talk topics. This can keep things feeling natural.
Remember to speak slowly, clearly, and loud enough. Also don’t speak so close that she can feel your breath. Try and have a cute/cheeky smile, and have some eye contact (but don’t stare).Small talk topics can include:
- Who is she with?
- Is she wearing anything interesting (bracelet, bag, shoes, peircing, phone, earings, etc.)? Avoid comments about her body or immediate clothing such as her dress.
- Is she drinking, if so what?
- Does she look happy, bored, grumpy, sad, excited?
- Does she have an accent, if so where is it from?
- What does she do? Is she looking around, or is she texting a lot, or is she dancing, or waiting for a drink?
- What sort of music might she like?
- A simple ‘hi, I am… what is your name’ or ‘hey, hows it going’ can also work.
Another tip in the name of keeping things natural is to avoid overthinking how you will approach her, do some thinking and preparation but not overly so.
A general rule is once you receive the confirmation that she might be interested in dancing with you (as mentioned above), act on it within 5 seconds.
This will force your brain to not overthink it and to remain natural and calm whilst also preventing her from thinking you are stalking her.
Be receptive/attentive to her body language:
An important note here is, not to force anything and also stay calm and receptive to her signals. If you are getting the sense that she doesn’t really want to dance with you because her reciprocation to your approach is:
- She keeps checking her phone after you have approached her
- She keeps looking at her friends
- Facing away from you.
Then chances are she would rather not be dancing with you, and that’s okay, you will just need to back off. This can happen even you are a good dancer and followed the previous 8 steps, as dance styles sometimes don’t align. Advice by women is to accept rejection gracefully.
The good news is that you intelligently hedged your bets by seeking some sort of interest confirmation before approaching. Dancing with women is a calculated risk.
Advice by women on this matter is if you are rejected, don’t approach too many girls after this as the next girls will have noticed your rejection and it makes you look desperate, plus it makes them look like ‘just the next best option’.
‘If you are rejected, accept it gracefully, and don’t approach too many girls after this, as the next girl will have noticed your rejection and it makes you look desperate, plus it makes them look like ‘just the next best option’.’Michelle, 35, dance teacher.
On the flip side, if she looks like she is enjoying herself and seems to appreciate your attention and dancing ability, then that’s a good sign to keep dancing.
So be receptive to her body language and cues and react appropriately.What sort of dance moves you should do when dancing with a woman:
So, you have arrived at the actual stage of dancing with a woman, without embarrassment or awkwardness and status intact.
The next hurdle is to know what sort of dance moves you should do with a woman. There are a variety of choices out there. For example, do you:
- Do intense footwork
- Maintain lots of eye contact
- Face her front-on all the time or sometimes side-on
- Take her hands and do partner dancing
- Move in close and move your hands to her hips, etc.
The best cue that you can use to determine the above, is the music and the woman.
Cues from the music:
- If the music is fast and intense, then chances are you wont be holding her hands and twirling her. The chances are you will be both energetically doing solo dance moves.
- But if the music is slow and romantic, then moving in close might be more fitting.
- If the music is a latin pop song, then holding hands and twirling around each other could be more fitting. You can make it fun and pretend to be the next Enrique Iglesias and Jennifer Lopez (famous latin pop stars).
Cues from the woman:Cues from a bold/confident woman:
While you are dancing with her, try and notice what she naturally prefers to do. For example:
- Her amount of eye contact
- Which direction her body faces towards you (side-on vs front-on, etc)
- How close she is dancing to you
- How fast her movements are, etc.
You can use these cues to inform you of how to dance with her.
For example, if she is:
- Maintaining lots of eye contact then feel free to return that eye contact
- Dancing quite close to you then that is generally a signal that she would want to do intimitate dancing. Your hands in this case might be on her hips.
- Dancing with a serious look on her face becuase she is really into the music then match that.
- Or somewhat mocking the music by doing silly dance moves then try and match that too.
It is generally easier to take cues from the woman instead of imposing your own cues. This is due to the power imbalance between you. Aka, you are generally the stronger, probably taller, more naturally dominant of the two genders). So it is generally safer if the women get some control of the situation.
However, if you see the woman struggling to decide what to do then propose your own moves. But be a gentleman about it.Cues from a shy/not confident woman:
Identify if the woman is not too confident with dancing (using your observations about her type from point 6). Then try and identify what sort of dance actions she might like but not want to instigate due to shyness. Or due to expectations of men traditionally being the first ones to make a move in this sort of context.
For example, she might want to hold hands. But if she reached out and took your hands then her friends might judge her for being that bold. This sounds out of date, and it is, but in reality, these thoughts are still occurring in both genders. This is a fascinating display of the wide spectrum of what constitutes masculine vs femine behaviour. This is particularly prominent in a more vulnerable space such as dancing with the other gender.
The common ways women might indirectly communicate their desire for more intimacy is by displaying subtle cues such as:
- Flipping her hair
- Smiling lots
- Eye contact
- Laughing lots
- Her body language
- How much she is talking to you in your ear.
These can give you some indication of whether an increase in intimacy is warranted by holding hands, etc. BUT, tread with caution, if in doubt, stick to a ‘no touching’ policy.
You can also test the waters by gently holding her hands. Or experimenting with different dance moves and seeing if she is enjoying herself. If not, go back to more safe dancing.
A general tip if she is not too confident is to try giving her a few gentle spins. But don’t wrench her arm, this is where your skills in partner dancing from point 4, are useful.
‘Once a woman has accepted your invitation to dance, don’t take that as an opportunity to grind, hump, or touch her, just keep dancing and having fun.’
‘Grabbing our hips and swaying and grinding? This is boring to me. Show off some real dancing, good or not.’Jessica, 23, club dancer,
Maria, 32, club dancer.
General advice from women here is:
Once a woman has accepted your invitation to dance, don’t take that as an opportunity to grind, hump, or touch her body, keep just having fun and keep dancing.
Try and make her night enjoyable, focus on the fun aspect, not a sexual end game.
Take care of her, don’t be too into your own dancing, make sure she is okay and you can even protect her somewhat from other rough dancers.
Don’t try and out dance her. If you know you are a better dancer than her then don’t make her feel inadequate, try and be humble.Know when to stop dancing and when to take things further:
At this point, you may have been successful in approaching a woman and dancing with her. The next question is: how long do I dance with her?
If the dancing is enjoyable:
The safe bet is to judge if the dancing is enjoyable for both of you. So try and judge when you have established a fun dance connection but BEFORE the novelty of her dancing with you wears out (which can happen after people have just met).
One way to conclude an enjoyable dance experience without wearing out your welcome is to say: ‘I am really liking dancing with you, but I don’t want to keep you from your friends, can I give you my number?’.
This shows that you are fun, courteous, and interested in her. You may have just made her night.
Women have advised that giving her your number instead of asking for her number is a much less stressful situation for the woman as there is no pressure for her to divulge her personal phone number until after she has thought about if she would like to message you.
‘He gave me his phone number rather than asking for mine, which means I got a say in whether or not the contact developed without having to awkwardly reject him or give a fake number.’Lisa, 21, club dancer.
If the dancing is not so enjoyable:
Another possibility is that the dancing and connection are not that enjoyable for whatever reason. So you might not give her your number by excusing yourself politely by perhaps saying: ‘Thank you so much for the dance, I just need to go to the bathroom’. This way the connection is safely aborted and you will both likely go your separate ways.
However, be sensitive to the fact that she may realize you didn’t enjoy dancing with her, so don’t immediately jump back on the dancefloor with someone else.
If you follow these rules, at the most your chances of dancing well with a woman will rise significantly. At the least, you will be a gentleman with swag, dignity, and confidence who understands how dancing with women works.
How To Hit On Girls In The Club (Or Not)
Let me get this out of the way: I love both going to the club (dancing and music are great!) and dudes (they're so cute!). But dudes absolutely ruin the club. There's a reason ladies often get in for free or cheap: Both dudes and non-dudes are happier when the dude ratio is lower. Just a small sampling of things that have happened to me in the club: A dude put my hand on his boner and said, "You did this." A dude threw his drink on me when I ignored him. A dude I was actually dancing with whispered, "Are you on birth control?" A dude started waving (a laughably paltry amount of) money in my face when I said I wasn't interested. And I've lost count of how many dudes have grabbed various parts of my body without anything remotely close to my say-so.
You will notice a commonality here in the doers of these actions. Sure, those are extremely insane things that you would (I hope) never do, but there's a million other smaller ways dudes make the club stressful and shitty, mostly by hitting on girls when we really, really are just there to dance. But I know: The girls are so hot, and there's so many of them, and they look so good while they're dancing, and you want to do it with them! Well, if you insist on bugging us, here's some rules you can follow to keep things chill and fun for everybody.
Have another reason to be there. The club is for dancing and having a good time with your friends. And yeah, sure, people of all genders go there in the hopes of hooking up. But if that's the only reason you're there, you're leeching off of the good energy the fun-havers are putting out there and bumming everybody out.
Don't lurk. A lot of dudes will just loom near girls who are dancing, seemingly in hopes of eventually touching or talking to us. Stop that, dude: You're killing our vibe. Even putting aside the truly important consideration of our vibe, it is totally antithetical to your goal of seeming attractive and cool. No girl has ever been like, "Ooh, see that guy lurking over there? Yeah, girl, the lurk-y one. Wish he'd lurk around in my bedroom, if you catch my drift."
Wait for her signal. This is some "best practices" shit that I know you're not gonna follow, but if she thinks you're cute, she'll make eye contact and maybe smile a little. "But," you protest, "if I only hit on girls who clearly want me to, then I'll never get to hit on any girls." Hmmm. Maybe let that one marinate for a few.
Approach from the front. I hope this seems insane to you, dear reader, but there are dudes in the club who will sort of dance behind girls, inching closer and closer in a hopeful manner until they are "dancing with" you. I don't quite get what the thought process behind this maneuver is, if they think it's like a frog in boiling water, and we won't notice it happening since it's so gradual, and then once they're dancing with us, we'll just have to be like, "Oh, I guess this is my new life, this is fine"? Sorry, but that is not a thing. Don't sneak up on us. Pretend like we're horses. I mean, not generally, just if for some reason you need help remembering not to approach us from the back (weirdo).
Say hi and introduce yourself. Normal human stuff. Don't do any pickup-artist shit, like vaguely insult our hair or ask us a "zany" question or whatever. We're onto you, and we hate it.
Offer to buy her a drink. It's not a bribe—it's a good-faith gesture demonstrating that you respect the value of her time. (Equality, shmequality—we're all adults, so let's not pretend we don't know whose time is more valuable here.)
See if she'd like to dance. This is the fun part! If you don't dance, why are you at the club? Go use Tinder, dude.
Hands off, Handsy. Definitely never start an interaction by touching or grabbing her. And I want to tell you that once you're dancing, and she's throwing off major vibes, touching her waist or whatever is cool, but I don't trust you, so keep your hands to yourself unless you're sure. Are you sure you're sure? Also, even if you're touching her and she's cool with it, don't get greedy and grab around all willy-nilly. That's for home, or maybe the cab.
Respect. The. Curve. This is by far the most important thing on the list, and if it was followed rigorously, the club would be basically a chill utopia. Here are some examples of curves you should respect:
* "I have a boyfriend." This is very possibly a lie, but that's not your business, and don't pull that "you can't have friends?" shit. She is telling you to go away; don't be obtuse. (One time, a guy tried to make me show him pictures of my [imaginary] boyfriend on my phone to prove my [imaginary] boyfriend was real. That is crazy and not a thing you should do.)
* Avoiding eye contact.
* Going to the bar to get a drink and not coming back.
* Being very absorbed in her phone.
* Any form of "no" or "not interested."
Here's what respecting the curve means: Be cool and leave her alone. You're not going to talk her into liking you, and you're making her night shitty for no reason. (If you can't handle rejection without getting pushy or upset, please don't talk to girls until you've been in therapy for awhile.) And even if she's been dancing and flirting with you, she still has the right to curve you at any time, including after you've left the club.
Respect the cockblock, too. Female friendship is real as hell, and our friends are, with rare exceptions, on our team. They want us to get it on with someone cool as much as we do, so if her friends are intercepting you to dance up on her themselves or dragging her off somewhere, chances are your presence is unwanted, and she's made it known. Our girls are our secret weapons against creepers, not jealous haters trying to keep us from the D.
If she's really drunk, just don't. I hope I don't have to explain this one. If she's super drunk and super feeling you, that's great—get her number and text her when she's sobered up. And if you're really drunk, go home. Chances are you're being obnoxious, your vibe-reading abilities have been dampened, and you're not feeling the social inhibition necessary for a civil society.
Have fun! I know dudes are reading this thinking I'm a hater, but I really do believe that consensual club flirting is a beautiful thing, and I partake all the time. Flirting should be fun—it's not an adversarial process unless you make it one. Don't treat us like bodyguards who are trying to keep you from having sex with us. We are us. So help us help you have a good time with us.
Lily Benson lives in Massachusetts and tweets from the club @lil_mermaid.
Image by Tara Jacoby.
Adequate Man is Deadspin's new self-improvement blog, dedicated to making you just good enough at everything. Suggestions for future topics are welcome below.
Learn how to dance in a club for a girl: five useful tips
Every girl in a club wants to show herself at 100% on the dance floor. Bright makeup and a revealing outfit will look funny if the girl moves awkwardly during the dance. But if you combine a beautiful image with rhythmic and plastic movements, then be sure that you will not leave the opposite sex indifferent. How can a girl dance in a club so as not to become a laughing stock and attract admiring glances of others?
Here are some basic rules that will help you feel like a queen on the dance floor:
1. Set a goal for yourself! In order to dance beautifully in a club, the main thing is desire, as well as perseverance. If you are going to have fun in the evening, think about this event from the very morning. Think ahead about your movements: this will help you overcome your internal barriers and any adverse external circumstances. Do not be afraid to seem ridiculous, because in order to do something beautiful, it is very important to do it confidently. So how does a girl dance in a club? Sure!
2. Ask the choreographer for help. The help of a professional in this matter will not hurt. The choreographer will tell you the movements, work on your plastique, help you feel the rhythm. Someone who is a professional dancer knows exactly how a girl should dance in a club. From the first lesson you will feel the result and a surge of energy, but for the best effect, work hard.
3. Feel inner freedom! Believe me, this is not just a verbal installation, but hard work. Club dancing for girls is not an easy task. After all, only thanks to honed skills and abilities, you can feel yourself in dancing naturally and naturally. You will not get pleasure if you just follow the learned movements, think over your every step. Try to feel the music with your soul and trust your body.
4. Think carefully about your look! They meet by clothes, and we can argue for a long time about whether this is good, but the fact remains: we create the first impression with our appearance. Your outfit should not become a hindrance on the dance floor, but on the contrary, it should work in your favor. You should feel comfortable, nothing should hinder your movements. But also do not forget that you must be attractive and stylish. Pay attention to accessories, try to make your look unique and interesting with a scarf, earrings, bracelets, belt. Just do not overdo it so as not to look like a black sheep and not cause puzzled looks from others.
5. Cheer yourself up! Modern club dances should be performed by a cheerful and cheerful girl, so in the morning you should feel the happiest and most beautiful. Treat yourself on the eve of a sleepless night with a good sleep, a delicious breakfast, because at night you should be cheerful and cheerful. Also, with a good company in the club, you will feel confident. Know that a natural smile on your face is the best complement to your club look.
If you're going to follow these tips at your next party, then be prepared for success! Now you know how to dance in a club for a girl. In addition, the goal has been set, the means to help fulfill your desires have been found, and now it all depends on you!
How to dance in a disco for a girl
Do you know how to dance in a disco for a girl to look beautiful and not get indecent offers? There are many ways to have fun in a club, and if your only plan is to dance, then they should be in the right mood. This does not mean that you need to hide in a corner and step from foot to foot, head down on the floor.
How not to dance at a disco for a girl
If your task is not to provoke, you don't need to pay much attention to movements with waves in the area of the hips and buttocks. At an ordinary disco, twerk or booty dance will look not like a dance, but like self-promotion, and in a not very good context. Moreover, you should not demonstrate your abilities in backbends and shaking your booty on your girlfriends. From the outside it looks like an unambiguous invitation to join. Moreover, this is how dance is understood not only by the person for whom you started the performance, but by the whole disco. And some completely outsider can “attach” you in a completely rude manner.
How to dance a girl at a disco in the style of POP
Most often, girls prefer just such discotheques, as they put on their favorite music, to which you can not only dance, but also sing along to yourself or even out loud. This helps to relax and not feel like an outsider in a crowd of strangers.
The simplest movement suitable for a POP disco is the zigzag. You don't even have to train hard to do it. The highest point of the zigzag is the hips. We choose the side from which we start the movement, for example, the left leg. Mentally draw the sign "Zorro" in the air, and now try to repeat it with your hips. To make it look nice, and not like a Sunday school squat, do it not on two legs, but with a change in the leading leg, depending on the change of side where you “sent the hips”. Those. we start with the left leg, shift the weight of the body to the right leg, making the movement of the hips from left to right, while slightly bending the right leg. Further from this position (without unbending the right leg), we move the hips from the right to the left, bending the left knee stronger than the right, and the last time to the right, everything is the same. From this position, we straighten the left leg and “drag” the hips behind it. Experiment with this movement by drawing a zigzag with your hips in different ways.
Movement “my hairstyle”
This movement is performed by almost all girls at dance parties, sometimes without even thinking, just repeating after someone. "My hairstyle" will look completely different for the hostesses of different haircuts. Owners of long curls usually collect hair in both palms and hold them while performing some kind of movement, then release them. Girls with short haircuts mannerly run their hands through their hair, tousling them, or run their hands through their hair, leaving their palms in the area of \u200b\u200bthe temples or forehead. Stand near the mirror and try to play with your hair, remember which look suits you the most, do the same during the dance, only without a mirror and choosing only the previously practiced hand poses.
When the music starts, the legs usually start dancing on their own, but things are much more complicated with the arms.