How to dance at a bar mitzvah

what I learned from dancing at bar mitzvahs — jess grippo

Some of you know this about me: I used to dance at bar mitzvahs. As a job. The technical term for this kind of work is “motivational party dancer,” and involves getting a dancefloor full of teenagers to fist-pump along to pop-songs with you, alternated with bouts of shushing them up during speeches and ceremonies. (There’s a bit more to it than that, but you get the idea.)

Last fall, I worked almost every Saturday night doing this. It was a way to make money, and was actually the first time I had made a significant amount of money from dancing. Not only that, but it was the first time in years I had put myself into a new field of work and I was terrified going to my first party. Wanting to get things right and make a good impression, I gathered my gusto and approached those 13-year-olds on the dancefloor, who were very likely to roll their eyes and turn their backs, leaving me fist-pumping solo to Katy Perry.

Needless to say, the job got old fast, and the traveling, stress, and late weekend nights became a little too much for what it was worth. I learned something very important from this experience, though, which is why I’m sharing it with you.

The job felt hellish when I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. In that culture, it was easy to feel pressured to put on a particular kind of show, with fake smiles and ass-kissing galore. Often I felt so worried about what the boss would think, that I couldn’t really be present with the kids dancing. In my uptight frenzy one evening, I forgot to pass out the glow sticks which was deemed a “party failure” by the owner of the entertainment company. Ouch.

But here’s what I also discovered: I had the most fun and made the most impact when I let my genuine self come through, in moments like these:

having a heart-to-heart discussion with the older cousin of a bar mitzvah boy, helping her think about alternative career options and following her passions
dancing freely with the 5-year-old cousins, and the 85-year-old grandparents
slow-dancing to Frank Sinatra with one of the shy kids in the group
chatting with the girls who stood hesitantly on the fringe of the dancefloor
connecting with the other working dancers who are doing amazing things in life outside the mitzvahs

To sum it up, I think there’s a way to sneak our real selves into even the strictest of situations, and doing so will not only feel great to you, but it will benefit others in ways you might not realize.

I’m curious to know --

What’s your equivalent to the mitzvah dance floor? Where in your life do you want to be more authentically you?

Share with me in the open space below. I’d love to know, and perhaps I can help you get there. Dance is making a comeback in my life and career, and I’ll be leading my first ever dance workshop series in January 2013. It’s called “Step into Yourself: Flashdance-Style,” a 6-week transformational dance experience with a video shoot finale. (Oh yes I did.)

If you’re ready to step in, click here to get the official details and put down your deposit. The first 5 Creative Fridays members to register get a complimentary 30-minute coaching call with me!

And if dancing is not your thing, but you’re still ready to step into yourself in creative ways, I have other less dancey opportunities for you ;) Just drop me a note and we can chat.

Remember to stay true to yourself in the meantime - on and off the dancefloor.

to fist-pumping your own way, jess

What Does a Bar or Bat Mitzvah Party Involve?

Steel Event Space

Jun 6, 2017

party planning

When it comes to a bar or bat mitzvah, what are they and what happens? If you’re of Jewish faith, you likely already know the answer. This type of ritual is a rite of passage for a boy or girl of the Jewish faith that has reached the age of 13. They are now adults and ready to accept the responsibility of a grown man or woman. They also can observe religious precepts and become eligible for public religious worship.

The word “Bar Mitzvah” translates to son of commandment, while Bat Mitzvah means the daughter of commandment. A Bar or Bat Mitzvah involves a religious ceremony and then a party afterwards. The mitzvah party planning is usually extensive and they are large parties that are held at receptions big enough to accommodate friends and family of the celebrating child– now adult!

This is a time to eat and drink, to dance, to socialize, and to celebrate the achievement of the young guest of honor. They are a combination of structure and unstructured celebrating. A Mitzvah will usually start with an M.C. that introduces the individual being honored and their family.

These types of parties even have themes, with the theme being incorporated into decor and even activities. There is lots to do at this party because typically special things are rented out such as photo booths and even fireworks at the end (it’s happened)!

The candle lighting is a time when the one celebrating their mitzvah calls up their family and candles are placed on the cake to remember family members who have passed. The now adult may choose to read something talking about their family or faith. Then the Ha-motzi prayer and blessing is recited by the oldest family member over challah bread, honoring God and the one being celebrated. Everyone sits down to dinner and the challah is sliced and passed round the room.

After dinner, it’s time for a mother dance if a bar mitzvah and a father dance if it is a bat mitzvah to celebrate the coming of age process and have a special moment between the parent and child at this stage in life and momentous occasion. It is much like a wedding in that way!

You may find yourself dancing up a storm at the mitzvah, so bring your most comfortable formal wear shoes. Especially with a Jewish celebration, there is always dancing. They will do the horah, where you hold hands and just dance in a circle. It’s easy to do and frequently done where the hosts and family are thrust into the air on a chair, just like in the movies. It symbolizes being closer to a spiritual place and not being able to do anything when you are not supported by others.

A toast is customarily made by the parents where they thank everyone for coming and celebrating. Bring a gift, whether money or something thoughtful, for the child and now adult that is being celebrated as is accustomed, eat, drink, dance and laugh! It’s a celebration!

Best songs for Bat/Bar Mitzvah!

When our children reach Bat or Bar Mitzvah age, it is a very joyful and happy moment filled with pride. Something special and unique happens in the hearts of parents. The day on which, according to ancient tradition, our children become adults and responsible bearers of God's commandments, is very bright and unforgettable.

This beautiful ritual, during which the children read the Torah for the first time, marks the beginning of their journey. From this day on, they are responsible for their actions and for their attitude towards spirituality in any of its manifestations.

Children often like to end their religious and spiritual ritual with a fun party. This is especially true outside of Israel. So they can have a good time and dance to celebrate a new stage in life. They usually dance to traditional Jewish music, which brings family and friends together on this wonderful holiday.

What are the best songs for Bat/Bar Mitzvah? How to pick up hits that will make people dance and have fun? Don't worry, we've already put together a playlist for you!

Great arrangements for a Bat/Bar Mitzvah party!

On such an important day for your family, everyone needs good music. Of course, you can always just turn on the best Israeli hits to entertain your guests, but there are times in this holiday when ambient sounds have to be special.

It is for these important moments that we would like to recommend certain compositions to you. Which track to use before the Bar Mitzvah speech? What's the best tune for a slideshow of your kids growing up? What tracks to turn on to light up the dance floor? Well, let's go!

1.

For emotional moments:

When it comes to preparing your guests for something really emotional, like a Bar Mitzvah speech from your parents, it's important to use the right compositions that move everyone to the core.

One of the best songs of all time (especially for this kind of moment) is Al Kol Eleh. This song, originally written and performed by Naomi Shemer, has a newer and more modern version performed by the very talented band Yonina.

Listen to it and think about your child's upcoming Bar Mitzvah. Emotional, right? Then you've just found your song!

2. Music for baby photo slideshow:

You'll want to watch it forever! Most likely, your children will then show such a slide show to their children, and those to theirs. When you show your guests photos of your child from his birth to the solemn photo shoot a week before the holiday, the right composition should help you.

We recommend you use the phenomenal nostalgic song by Arik Einstein. This is a song in which he talks about how children grow up and how they then leave their nest to start their own adventure.

Listen to this song and feel free to cry tears of happiness!

3. For the party:

Now it's time for the fun! It's time to join hands and start dancing. And also raise your children above your head to express all the happiness from the celebration of Bar Mitzvah Day! And, of course, dance with each of your relatives. It's time for the traditional Jewish chorus dance.

In this case, different songs will do. We want to share with you two long mixes that are sure to make your guests smile, dance and have fun! We guarantee you!

It's time to learn some Hebrew!

Your children will definitely learn Biblical Hebrew in order to properly prepare for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony. Why don't you join them? If you've ever been looking for a good way to learn the language of our ancestors in a fast and fun way, then we have good news for you: look no further!

In the courses offered by the Hebrew School. Rosen, you will be able to speak Hebrew fluently in no time. Let yourself be surprised at your own progress! Try our Hebrew courses! We are sure you won't regret it!

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Bar Mitzvah Etiquette - Special Occasions

Although many bar mitzvah guests at the synagogue and at the reception will be members of the Jewish community, non-Jews will also be invited. If you have been invited to a bar mitzvah but don't know what to expect or what is expected of you, you need to know the basics of etiquette before attending the service and reception.

Receiving an invitation

Try to respond to the invitation as soon as you receive it. A bar mitzvah is a complex celebration and, like a wedding, requires a lot of time and planning. Politely respond to the invitation as soon as possible so that the host family can plan accordingly.

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What to wear

Bar mitzvahs are usually formal. The bar mitzvah boy will wear a costume and guests must dress appropriately. If you're in doubt about what to wear, consider dressing appropriately for a wedding.

Service clothes

Tallit and yarmulke

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The bar mitzvah will take place in the synagogue and guests must wear appropriate attire. Men should wear a suit or dress pants, shirt and tie. In traditional Jewish communities, male guests, even non-Jews, may be asked to wear a yarmulke (also known as a kippah) or small skullcap to the synagogue. If necessary, the host family will provide guests with new yarmulkes.

Visitors must wear dresses or trouser suits. If the ceremony is taking place in a particularly traditional society, women may not be comfortable wearing trousers, but may want to add some dressy accessories such as a nice hat. Make sure your clothing is modest and avoid off-the-shoulder, cleavage, and high-skirt slits. Women, especially married women, may wear a headdress in the service. If this cover is required, which is usually a scarf or a head covering, commonly referred to simply as "head covering", it will most likely be provided to you. Find a basket full of what looks like round lace doilies that are usually placed next to men's yarmulkes. Women pin them with pins on the back of their heads. Usually they are placed next to yarmulkes.

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When you arrive, the doorman can offer the ladies a tallit, a Jewish prayer handkerchief. You can accept or reject it for any reason, including your own comfort level.

Reception Clothes

The reception following the service may include a cocktail party and be black tie or more casual. If the invitation does not give you a clue, you should contact the recipient's parents for clarification. If the service is in the morning and the reception is in the evening, schedule a change between the two events.

What to expect from the service

The service is the main event of the holiday, which is most feared by non-Jews who do not know what to expect. This will give you an idea of what to expect.

General etiquette

Be sure to arrive on time for services, as you would for any other formal occasion. Turn off mobile phones and other devices. It is considered very rude to play with the phone, talk or text during the service. Many traditional communities would prefer that guests simply leave these modern devices at home.

Greeting

When entering a synagogue, someone may say, “Shabbat shalom!” this is the traditional greeting on Saturday. The term translates to "Sabbath of the World!", according to The Rabbi's Coffee House. The guests must respond by repeating the greeting, or they can respond by saying "Shalom!"

“Mazal tov!” is an appropriate term when you want to congratulate someone in the Jewish community, including a well-deserved boy and possibly his parents.

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Seating

In most synagogues, guests are allowed to sit wherever they want, but in more traditional communities, men and women may sit in different places, between which there may or may not be a physical barrier.

Traditions and reviews

The laureate can lead the service and most likely read the Torah Scroll in Hebrew. There will also be a blessing from the rabbi and family members will give short speeches. There will likely be other indications.

There will be a time to sit and listen and a time to respond. Watch the rest of the meeting so you know how to react. It is likely that the rabbi will indicate when to stand up and when to sit down.

Throwing candy

In some congregations, after reading Haftarah, guests throw candy at a bar mitzvah boy. This represents the transition from childhood to adulthood. Children are encouraged to climb the bima, a raised platform with a reading table, to collect candy. Candy is handed out before the service, don't eat it until this part of the service and throw the candy carefully. Although it will most likely be soft candy, you must be careful not to hurt the recipient. According to the book The Jewish Life Cycle: Rites of Passage from Biblical Times to Modern Times by Ivan G. Markus (p. 118), this tradition probably goes back to the ancient wedding tradition.

Reception

A bar mitzvah party, which can be called a seudat mitzvah, can be a very simple gathering or a very complex event and will likely include dinner, a DJ, dancing and many traditions. Children usually sit at the reception separately from adults. Each party will be as unique as the recipient and their family, but there are certain things to look forward to.

Blessing of HaMozi

At the beginning of the reception, the rabbi will give a ha-short (traditional Jewish blessing) over a braided egg bread known as challah, which will be served at the front desk. A respected family member, such as a father or grandfather, may bless instead of a rabbi. The guests must respectfully listen to this ceremony, and after the blessing they will be invited to eat the bread. This marks the start of the party and will be followed by other traditions.

Candles

After the host introduces the winner's family, the candle lighting ceremony will begin. Guests of honor, starting with family, can be introduced and invited to light a candle on a birthday cake or light larger candles on a table. There will be thirteen candles, one for each year of the child's life. This may be the fourteenth candle, meaning "the one on which you can grow. " According to Celebrating a Mitzvah, a bar mitzvah planning website, a different song will be played for each person who lights the candle. Each candle can be lit in memory or in honor of a loved one who is unable to attend the ceremony. Guests are not required to participate, just watch this ceremony.

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Gift

Gifts are expected at bar mitzvahs and are usually delivered at the front desk. Money is always a suitable bar mitzvah gift. Sometimes guests give money in increments of $18 ($36.54, etc.) because the number represents both a blessing and the Hebrew symbol for "life". Chabad.org. Parents and close family members usually give traditional Jewish gifts to honorees, but guests can also give such gifts. Examples include Shabbat candlesticks or the Hanukkah menorah. Other possible gifts include electronics and special wishes from the boy himself.

Dancing

As with most parties, dancing is the main activity.