How can we dance while our beds are burning
Beds Are Burning - Midnight Oil
Beds Are Burning - Midnight Oil - LETRAS.MUS.BRPágina Inicial Rock and Roll Midnight Oil Beds Are Burning
Out where the river broke
The bloodwood and the desert oak
Holden wrecks and boiling diesels
Steam in forty five degrees
The time has come
To say fair's fair
To pay the rent
To pay our share
The time has come
A fact's a fact
It belongs to them
Let's give it back
How can we dance when our earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
How can we dance when our earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
The time has come to say fairs fair
to pay the rent, now to pay our share
Four wheels scare the cockatoos
From Kintore East to Yuendemu
The western desert lives and breathes
In 45 degrees
The time has come
To say fair's fair
To pay the rent
To pay our share
The time has come
A fact's a fact
It belongs to them
Let's give it back
How can we dance when our earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
How can we dance when our earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
The time has come to say fair's fair
To pay the rent, now to pay our share
The time has come, a fact's a fact
It belongs to them, let's give it back
How can we dance when our earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
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- Share
- Earth
- Lives
- Come
- Broke
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Ver todas as músicas de Midnight Oil- Beds Are Burning
- The Dead Heart
- Blue Sky Mine
- Forgotten Years
- King Of The Mountain
- My Country
- Truganini
- Outbreak Of Love
- Put Down That Weapon
- Dreamworld
- Surf's Up Tonight
- Warakurna
- Whoah
- At The Time Of Writing
- Change the Date
- In The Valley
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- Arctic World
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BEDS ARE BURNING - Midnight Oil
BEDS ARE BURNING - Midnight Oil - LETRAS.COMHome Rock'n'Roll Midnight Oil Beds Are Burning
Out where the river broke
The bloodwood and the desert oak
Holden wrecks and boiling diesels
Steam in forty five degrees
The time has come
To say fair's fair
To pay the rent
To pay our share
The time has come
A fact's a fact
It belongs to them
Let's give it back
How can we dance when our earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
How can we dance when our earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
The time has come to say fairs fair
to pay the rent, now to pay our share
Four wheels scare the cockatoos
From Kintore East to Yuendemu
The western desert lives and breathes
In 45 degrees
The time has come
To say fair's fair
To pay the rent
To pay our share
The time has come
A fact's a fact
It belongs to them
Let's give it back
How can we dance when our earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
How can we dance when our earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
The time has come to say fair's fair
To pay the rent, now to pay our share
The time has come, a fact's a fact
It belongs to them, let's give it back
How can we dance when our earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
Letras Academy
Pronunciation dictionary
- Share
- Earth
- Lives
- Come
- Broke
See more words
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View all songs by Midnight Oil- Beds Are Burning
- The Dead Heart
- Blue Sky Mine
- Forgotten Years
- River Runs Red
- Warakurna
- Bedlam Bridge
- Bullroarer
- Comfortable Place on the Couch
- My Country
- Under The Overpass
- We Are Not Afraid
- Antarctica
- Arctic World
- Armistice Day
- At The Time Of Writing
- Back On The Borderline
- Barest Degree
- Basemente Flat
- Been Away Too Long
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Marion Cotillard - Beds Are Burning Lyrics SongMeanings
Tick Tick Tick
[Kofi Annan speaks]
climate change is having a real impact
On the lives of individuals
And communities around the world
We must do something about it
December in Copenhagen
Our leaders will have an opportunity
To come up with a robust post-climate agreement
That is viable and will help make this planet a better place
Down at the river bed
The earth is cracked and dry instead
Farms are failing, cities baking
Steam in 45 degrees
The time has come
To take a stand
It's for the Earth
It's for our land
The time has come
A fact's a fact
The heat is on
No turning back
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning
The time has come
To take a stand
It's for the earth
It's for our land
Heaven hopes we'll find a cure
From Bejing west to Timbuktu
The global village lives and breathes
In 45 degrees
The time has come
To take a stand
It's for the Earth
It's for our land
The time has come
A fact's a fact
The heat is on
No turning back
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning
The time has come
To take a stand
It's for the Earth
It's for our land
The time has come
A fact's a fact
The heat is on
No turning back
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning
[Desmond Tutu concludes]
I support the Campaign For Climate Justice
And I'm pleased to become a climate ally
This is your campaign
Tick Tick Tick
[Kofi Annan speaking]
Climate change is having a real impact
On people's lives
And communities around the world
We must do something about it
In Copenhagen in December
Our leaders will have the opportunity to
Invent sustainable post-climate agreement
This is viable and will help make this planet a better place
Down at the bottom of the river
Earth cracked and dried up instead
Farms fail, towns bake
Steam at 45 degrees
Time has come
Raise position
This is for Earth
This is for our land
Time has come
- Fact1 Heating on
No turning back
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How can we sleep while our beds are on fire
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How we sleep while our beds are burning
The time has come
Raise position
This is for the earth
This is for our earth
Heaven hopes we will find a cure
From Beijing west to Timbuktu
The global village lives and breathes
At 45 degrees
The time has come
Raise position
This is for the Earth
This is for our earth
The time has come
Fact - fact
Heating is on
No way back
How can we dance when our earth turns
How we sleep while our beds are on fire
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How we sleep while our beds are on fire
The time has come
Raise position
This is for the Earth
This is for our earth
The time has come
Fact - fact
Heating on
No way back
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How can we sleep while our beds are burning
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How we sleep while our beds are on fire
[Desmond Tutu concludes]
I support climate justice
And I'm excited to be a climate client
This is your campaign
Marion Cotillard
-
Enter The Game
Marion Cotillard
-
take it all
Marion Cotillard
-
The Strong Ones
Marion Cotillard
-
Hot Temptation
All texts by Marion Cotillard >>>
Poll: Is the lyrics correct? Yes Not
Summary of A Dance with Dragons (parody)
The beloved A Song of Ice and Fire in 30 Minutes series returns from another author.
Alcanis gives the contents of A Dance with Dragons in a condensed form, so be prepared for a lot of spoilers. And dragons, food descriptions, shocking cliffhangers, and sacrifices to stupid gods. The text was translated by our forum member Teana.
Game of Thrones Clash of Kings Storm of Swords Feast of Crows A Dance with Dragons
NORTH OF THE WALL
Varamir: Oh, hello. I'm the guy destined to be the prologue to this book. Remember me? Varga Gary Stu with six pets? I'm kind of dying already and my balls are almost frozen. Now let me tell you my amazing backstory.
Reader: Damn. This is going to be a LONG book.
Varamir: I wish my female MacGuffin were back. I could definitely harp into it before I die.
Female MacGuffin: Hi, I'm back.
Varamyr: *warps*
Female MacGuffin: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOryyry out! GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME! *goes completely crazy*
Others: hello.
Varamyr: Cursed.
ON THE SHIP AND LATER IN PENTOS
Tyrion: I'm drunk, I'm haunted by memories of my father, and I travel.
Reader: TYRION! … Wait, you're not funny now.
Tyrion: And I'll spend most of the book like this.
Tyrion pays tribute to the Hobbit's escape with the barrel scene.
Illyrio: Long time no see! Let's spend the rest of this chapter eating.
*obscenely detailed meal description*
Reader: now I'm hungry
MEERIN
Dany: Court is boring. And I will collect the yard in every chapter. By the way, someone is killing my people.
Reader: Where is your mother Hercule Poirot?
Hizdar: Can we open the fighting pits?
Denis: No.
Random petitioner: Did you know that your dragon eats children?
Denis: O_O
Reader: O_O
THE WALL
John: Ok, now you'll get Sam's rewritten chapter, only POV is now me.
Reader: WHAT THE FUCK!? DRRM you lazy bastard!
Melisandre: Hello! I'm still the same fiery and longing for John!
Stannis: Hello! I'm still grinding my teeth! And you can still become Lord of Winterfell!
John: My answer is still no.
Lilly:
Sam: John, you're not cool anymore. You broke Lilly's heart!
John: I'm Lord Commander now, shut the fuck up.
Raven of Mormont: Grains?
NORTH OF THE WALL
Bran: We're going with Coldhanded Strider to Rivendell in search of the three-eyed crow.
Cold Hands: *gloomy*
Reader: Is that Benjen? Is it true?
Cold Hands: You will not learn about this from this book.
Jojen: I'm dying.
Bran: LOVE! NO! We were attacked by Nazgûl dead with effects from a cheap horror movie! Hodor! Fas! *warps at Hodor*.
Cold Hands: *acts just like Aragorn*
Hodor: Hodor?
Children of the Forest: *Carrying out the dead* Welcome, Bran.
Let's go to the three-eyed crow.
Blood Raven: Hello.
People who have read stories about Dunk and Egg: AHA!
People who haven't read: WHY THE FUCK does this creature look like the Pale Man from Pan's Labyrinth, creepy.
JOURNEY WITH ILLYRIO: ESSOS ROAD PICTURE
Tirion: I'm still drunk.
Illyrio: Let's eat and sleep.
Tyrion: Come on.
*some gourmand porn*
Illyrio: So you're going to meet Grif and Young Griff. Then you go to Dany.
Reader: Cool, I hope this only takes a few chapters...
DRRM: YOU KNOW NOTHING
Vulture: Oh hi Tyrion. You will stop drinking NOW.
Tyrion: Are you sure you're not my father's clone?
Young Grif: I have blue hair. It's not to hide my natural color at all.
MEANWHILE IN VOLANTIS
Quentin: We need a ship.
Captains: LOL no, no one goes to Meereen. You must be new here.
Quentin: I think we can join this bunch of mercenaries heading to Meereen and then dump them, right?
His friends: of course, why not.
Reader: DUDE, YOU WILL NOT GO THE ROAD OF DEMONS. The name sounds cool.
Quentin: Nope. Interesting storylines in Essos are banned.
AGAIN ON THE WALL
Stannis: We're serious about burning Mance. Now.
John: But he's useful!
Stannis: DESERTER MUST DIE, I DONT LISTEN TO YOU. BLA BLA LAW BLA BLA RGLOOR.
John: *sigh* Okay, now something to cheer up the reader. Janos, you go to another castle and stop being an asshole.
Janos: Back off, you bastard. They don't even have central heating. I'm not going anywhere.
John: I'm ordering you...
Janos: Hehe, no.
John: Brothers? Hang this traitor.
Janos: Wait, what?
John: Hmm, no. I am Stark. I have to swing the sword myself. Bring me the deck.
Janos: YOUR…
Janos head: *rolls away*
Reader: JOHN IS NOW AWESOME.
MEANOW ON BOARD
Tyrion: I'm still traveling!
Reader: This better end ASAP.
Lemora: Hello! I am an enigmatic sept who may or may not be Ashara Dayne.
Grif: I'm still gloomy and like Tywin.
ON SISTERS
Davos: My king sent me to Manderly. So I'll spend an entire chapter in this random location.
Godric: I will definitely execute you. Eat snacks.
*gourmet porn*
Godric: By the way, the Freys are Manderly's best friends now. There is no point in going there.
Davos: I MUST. IT'S MY DUTY. BLA BLA BLA HONOR.
Reader: Seriously, man, you're even worse than Ned.
AGAIN ON STEN
Mans is led to his execution.
Mance: I suddenly don't look like myself and I'm cowardly.
Reader: WHAT THE FUCK, MANS. WHAT THE FUCK. YOU MUST GO PROUD AND WITH A SONG AND...
Melisandre: O great R'hllor, accept this sacrifice that we give you...
Manse: I'm not a king, do you understand? Please have mercy.
John: WHAT THE FUCK.
Mance: *burns* YOUR...
John: Okay brothers, that's enough.
*mark of archers*
John: And now his watch is over.
Reader: NOT COOL. Mance, I'm disappointed.
Wildlings: Can we go south now? Thanks for everything and see you soon.
MIERIN
Dany: Time to gather the yard!
Reader: Oh no, again...
Hizdahr: Can we open the fighting pits?
Denis: No.
Quaita: Hello, Denis. Let me speak some cryptic prophecies in case anyone has forgotten them.
Sons of the Harpy: We're still killing Dany's people.
Reader: Seriously, where the hell is Poirot?
DREDFORT DARK DUNGEON
Gollum Stinky: RATS ARE DELICIOUS! We are hungry... Master Ramsey must not know... he will hurt us... again...
Reader: YOUR FUCK, RAMSEY IS DISGUSTING.
Walders: Hello Stinky! Ramsey wants to see you.
Stinky: HE KNOWS *frightened as hell* He'll hurt me.
.. He'll skin me again... *cries*.
Ramsey: Did you think Joffrey was bad? Meet the terrible me.
Northern Traitor Lords: We're going to stab Stannis in the back. By the way, is this miserable creature a pupil of Stark?
Ramsey: Well, sort of... But now he's MY Stinky.
Stinky: Yes, master... I'm yours... I'll do anything, just don't skin me anymore, please. PLEASE.
Ramsey: LOL. Okay, how about taking a bath and coming to my wedding with me?
Stinky: Thank you, master. I am yours forever.
Reader: HE DID NOT DESERVE THIS. Now I feel sorry for him.
MEANWHILE IN BLOOD RAVEN CAVE.
Blood Raven: Use your power, Bran. Vargani in some crows.
Bran: *does so*
Cave: *creepy*
Hodor: Hodor.
ON BOARD THE BOREBORN
Tirion: Let's play kaivassa.
Vulture: *still gloomy*
MEANWHILE AT THE TAVERN IN THE WHITE HARBOR
People gossip.
Nothing happens. Davos begins to worry about the Frey-Manderly alliance.
MIERIN
Xaro: Hello! Remember me? I still want to marry you.
Dany: Nope. You are not Daario.
Xaro: Where are the lovely little dragons?
Dany: *swallows* They're not so cute and small now.
Xaro: Do you want my ships? You can go home to Westeros.
Barristan and Reader: YES YES YES LISTEN TO HIM.
Dany: I can't leave my kids.
Reader:*facepalm*
Xaro: Very good! Means war!
ON THE WALL
Stannis: I'm going to the Dreadfort!
John: Are you serious? The Boltons eat you for breakfast. Gather an army for starters, man.
Stannis: For example?
John: Like the mountain clans. And don't pester them with that stupid arrogance, okay?
Stannis: For a change, let me hear you.
Mournful Edd: *Cool as usual*.
Mel: I'll stay here. With Lord Snow.
*understood the hint?*
ON A RIVER WITH CHEAP HORROR MOVIE EFFECTS
Tyrion: I don't like the look of this fog.
Vulture: Stone people. And "Lovecraftian" things in the water. Swimming there would not be entirely reasonable.
Reader: It means that someone is definitely BATHING.
Grif: We'll be safe once we slip under the Bridge of Doom.
They slipped through.
Reader: Everything went too smoothly.
Bridge: Lol. And here it is not. The river flowed back.
All: INCREDIBLE!
Reader: Stop repeating this word.
Stone zombies: *attack*.
Neck: DO NOT TOUCH THEM! KILL WITH FIRE!
Tyrion: I understand Young Griffin is Aegon, son of Rhaegar, right? *falls into water with stone man*
Reader: Wait, WHAT?!
WHITE HARBOR, MANDERLY CASTLE
Manderly: Hello Onion Knight. You are an unwanted guest here.
Davos: But you promised to side with Stannis!
Manderly: *trollface* I'm friends with the Freys now.
Frey: Robb Stark turned and attacked us! The Red Wedding was only self-defense.
Manderly: Exactly!
Davos: WHAT THE FUCK! Does anyone believe this crap?
Villa Manderly: I DON'T BELIEVE! We have always been Stark people! We took an oath! You are a coward, old man!
Manderly: Shut the fuck up. Davos, get the hell out.
Davos: NO! You betrayed the Starks! And Stannis!
Manderly: Chop off his head!
*cliffhanger*
ROV KALEEN
Stinky: So, I obviously have to take the fortress myself. Class! And swamps have swamp devils... But I have to. Ramsey will hurt me again if I fail.
Ironborn: Stop! Who goes?
Stinky: Son of Balon! Must not say name. I'm Stinky. That person died.
Ironborn: Ok, come in.
Stinky: How about surrendering to Ramsey? You can completely trust him.
Ironborn: Of course, why not. *surrender*.
Ramsey: *trollface* LOL.
Naive. Good job, Stinky. Let's act like a slash. *smacks him*
Reader: I JUST HAVE DAMN IT!
Rousse: Oh hi. Meet your stepmother, Fat Walda. And with his fiancee, Arya Stark.
Stinky: Arya Stark, come on!
Janey: *big innocent puppy dog eyes* Somebody save me...
MEANWHILE ON THE WALL
John: Let's befriend the wildlings, let more of them pass and settle in our abandoned castles!
Bowen Marsh: Are you sure this is a good idea?
John: Absolutely!
March: *facepalm* And how are you going to feed them?
John: Maybe we should talk to Manderly about this...
MEAN AT THE RIVER
Tyrion: Am I not dead?
Vulture: Yeah, saved your priceless Lannister ass. I do not understand why.
Lemora: You might have greyscale. She is very, very deadly. You will turn to stone.
Tyrion: It's worth going after women before my end turns to stone too.
Drunken Jorah: Oh hello, Bes. I will take you to the Queen.
Tyrion: Damn.
MEERIN
Hizdahr: Can we open the fighting pits?
Danny: No.
Green Grace: Will you marry Hizdar?
Dany: Well, if there are no deaths for ninety days...
Hizdahr: Then will you be my wife?
Danny: Yes, of course. Now fuck off and let me dream about Daario.
GOLD BROTHERHOOD CAMP
Vulture/Connington: Gloomy. Restless. Grrrrr. Tyrion fled. Your mother.
Golden Brotherhood: Oh, hi. Yes, this is the guy.
Connington: Yes, but shhhh! This is a big secret.
Z.B.: Kanesh! So we meet Dany, join her and so on?
Aegon: No! We'll invade Westeros, THEN we'll join Dany.
Connington: Are you sure that's a good idea?
Aegon: What could possibly go wrong?
Reader: *facepalm*.
ZB: Ok! Let's go!
Connington: *worries a little more*. I have greyscale.
Looks like I'm another passing POV.
SLAVERS' BAY
Quentin: So we magically teleported here!
Friends: Uh-huh.
Quentin: Time to act!
Friends: Not yet. You forgot? Nothing should happen in our heads.
Quentin: But I want to be a real POV! Not just some crazy guy whose chapters skip when you reread the book.
Mt. Dunsinan Darkwood
Asha: Time for sex! Quarl, grab my boobs!
Quarl: Approx.
Asha: *role play*
Reader: Awkward.
Asha: By the way, I just found out that if the applicant was not at the royal assembly, it is not legal! We need to get Theon somewhere and then ...
Random Ironborn: We've been attacked by Birnam Wood, milady!
Asha: Damn it! We'll escape through the back door. Nobody is waiting for this.
In the forest.
Mountain clans with Stannis: HELLO.
Asha: *grabs the axe* BERSEEEEEEEEEEECK!
Reader: *Turns on epic metal as background*
Asha: *she gets carried out*
Reader: Died? O_O
VOLANTIS
Tyrion: I've been caught again.
This is starting to get a little annoying. Problems with the plot? Let someone grab Bes!
Jorah: Shut up.
Tyrion: Do you think Cersei will grant you royal forgiveness?
Jorah: Cersei? Who is this anyway? DANY DANY DANY LOVE WHYUUUU. *wants*
Tyrion: Man, even Lisa Arryn's jailer was more fun.
Mysterious Widow: Hello. Do you want to Meereen?
Jorah: Uh-huh. Are there ships?
Mysterious Widow: Not for you, faggot.
Penny: *tries to kill Tyrion => epic fail*.
Jorah: WHAT THE FUCK? Another dwarf?
Tyrion: LOVE, poor girl! Let's take her with us!
Jorah: *facepalm*
Mysterious Widow: There's a ship. Heading for Qarth, but never reaching it. I give you my word.
Jorah: I believe you. I hadn't met the witch who fooled Dany with her exact wording.
ON THE WALL
John: Thorne, go scout. I hope you never come back.
Thorne: Very funny.
Mel: Two of them won't come back.
By the way, the girl in gray is close, running away from an unwanted wedding.
John: ARYA!
Rattle Shirt: Hello, John. Do you want to fight? Friendly, I mean?
John: LOL. Why not.
Rattle Shirt: *knocks the hell out of John*
John: When did you get so cool? You were a mean, nasty guy who said more than he did.
Rattle Shirt: *innocent*
Chalk: Can I pet your wolf?
John: Well, if he doesn't bite your hand off...
Ghost: *falls in love with Mel*
John: YOU betrayed me!
Chalk: *trollface*
WHITE HARBOR
Davos: *writes farewell letters to his family*.
Reader: Oh please SOMEONE save him!
Manderly: Oh, sorry about our last meeting. I needed to fool the Freys. But now my only surviving son is home. Actually, I'm devoted to the Starks, and I'm about to kick the Freys' asses. The North remembers!
Reader: WOW.
Davos: It was a very… compelling performance.
Manderly: More, more! Meet Vex!
Vex: *dumb but can tell anything*
Manderly: So, anyway, Bran and Rickon are alive and we know where Rickon is. You must follow him!
Davos: DO YOU KNOW WHERE RIKON is? Of course I'm going! Where where?
Vex: *where the cannibals dwell*
Davos: O_O
MEERIN
Reader: Oh gods, AGAIN.
Danny: Daario... Daario...
Barristan: Your Majesty, I have a bad feeling about this.
People with names you can't pronounce... In short, a messenger has arrived from Astapor. On a pale mare.
Reader: BINKY!
Danny: So what.
ON THE WALL
Chalk: Fire. FIRE FIRE FIRE.
Dewan: Would you like some food, milady?
Mel: Oh… food. Perhaps yes.
*stares at the fire*
Mel: Oh R'hllor, show me Azor Ahai!
Fire: *shows John*
Mel: I said AA, not Snow! Do you have senile insanity or what?
Fire: *SNOW.
SNOW. SNOW. When will you get it, bitch?*
Mel: Looks like I'm going to have to call a fire repairman.
Reader: *headdesk*
Rattle Shirt: Hello. Wanted to see me?
Mel: Uh-huh. Wait here, we need to get John. Watch my dinner, ok?
Rattle Shirt: Kanesh! *as soon as Mel exits* I LIED! *eats*
Mel: John! Beware of marching ides!
John: LOL. Why? Gotta do something to get Arya to this place.
Mel: I have someone who can help. Let's go to my room.
John: But no production of shadow children!
Mel: *rolls eyes* Of course not.
John: WHAT THE FUCK Rattle Shirt?! How can I trust him with Arya? He is a rapist.
Mel: And he ate my supper.
Rattle Shirt: Problems?
Mel: Shut up and TURN BACK.
Rattle Shirt turns into…
John: O_O MANS?
Reader: MANS?!
Mance: Yeah.
John: …
Mel: So? Still think he can't be trusted with Arya?
John: Ok… I think I should have a drink now.
Mel: You don't know anything, Jon Snow.
Mance: Chief, stop spoofing Ygritte's words.
SOME PLACE WHERE THE BOLTONS HANG
Roose: Manderly says he accidentally lost some Freys along the way.
Ramsey: Hehe.
Ruse: By the way, lend me Stinky.
Ramsey: WHAT? He's mine, dad! Hands off!
Ruse: *deadly look* Release him before I regret raping your mother.
Reader: HE IS DONE.
Ramsey: Stinky? You will PAY for this.
Stinky: Why me? *sobbing*
Ruse: Now come and hear the story of my personal life.
Reader: I'm not sure I wanted to know THIS.
Ruse: By the way, Ramsey killed my legitimate son. I don't plan on revenge at all. And he's going to kill my unborn children.
Reader: Has it ever occurred to you that one day he might stab you in the back?
Ruse: You underestimate me. **
Stinky: I want to go back to my dark dungeon. Everything was much easier there.
Ruse: Say hello to the ladies and lords of the north. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce Theon Greyjoy.
Stinky: No! Don't say that name! The owner will know! **
Ruse: Fuck you. Looks like I shouldn't have been just a Sunday dad.
on still one Boring Ship
Jorah: * Crems, drunk *
Penny: * Love Lately I've been constantly on the ship?
Reader: *yawns*
DAGOBA CAVE BLOODY CROW
Blood Raven: Time to burp into the trees!
Bran: *does so* Wow, hi dad!
Blood Raven: You only saw a shadow from the past.
Bran: *sees LYANNA and BENJEN! Then some other interesting flashbacks!*
Reader: Come on, Bran. Focus on the Tower of Joy. Focus...
Bran: Sorry, chapter limit for this book is over.
Reader: YOUR…
ON THE WALL
John: Time to get some recruits to make vows! Bogoroscha is only two hours drive through the forest.
Absolutely safe.
Leather: There's already someone in the godswood!
Wildlings: CROWS!
Giant: Grrrr?
Leather: Grrr grrr grrr.
Giant: Grrr!
Leather: Ok, we made peace.
John: Let's join us!
Wildlings: Ok.
Giant: Grr.
MEERIN
Dany: Let's ALL heal sick people together!
Reader: Now she is officially an idiot.
Daario: Hello baby! I returned!
Dany: Daario! *rushes at him* FUCK ME!
Fucks.
Reader: Must. Clear. Brain. IMMEDIATELY.
WINTERFELL
Reader: COOL! Winterfell!
Theon: Jay… Arya. I know it's not easy. I was also Ramsey's wife. Something like that.
Janey: I DON'T. Theon, save me! You are hero!
Theon: I thought Sansa was in the clouds.
Everyone is freezing in the godswood.
Ramsey: LOL Arya. Hold a cute pink cape.
Janey: *sniffs* *sniffs*
Northern lords: *uncomfortable silence*
Bard: Hello! Do you want music? My girls are also good laundresses.
Reader: So that's what it's called now?
Manderly: Let's FEAST! EAT PORK PIES! I DEFINITELY WILL. TROLOLOLOL.
Dustin: Look how happy he is.
Ruse: If he thinks he can poison me, then he is WRONG. No poison will slip past my mighty 9 unnoticed.0517 Magic Leech Detector ™ !
Walda: *slurps* Delicious pie! Hashu eat! You have to eat dfa from each one, right?
Ruse: As you say, dear.
Manderly: ! Bard! Let's hear a song about a rat cook!
Theon: Umm... I don't seem to be hungry.
Ramsey: Stinky? I need help in bed.
Theon: Oh no.
Janey: Oh no.
Reader: They won't show it, right? So?
SHOWN.
Reader: Time to stop eating before reading.
DORN
Reader: *yawns*
Bailon Swann: Here. Hold Hora's skull.
Doran: Impressive.
Gerbils: *NOT impressed!*
Balon: Why the hell is this food so SPICY?
Areo: LOL.
Northern weak.
Doran: Family Council! Listen. Cersei is going to kill Tristan on the way. Serpents, you will infiltrate King's Landing.
Snakes: TIME TO ACT!
Doran: But no rush, ok?
Snakes: No, no, of course not. *WE LIED!*
ON THE WALL
John: I sent all the people I trust. Because it's completely reasonable. Also Vel, go get Tormund, ok?
Vel: What if Stannis finds out you let me go?
John: Ah, he's having fun with the Boltons.
March: I don't think that's a good idea. More wildlings?
John: Yeah! And another crowd from the Harsh Vale. Or do you want to see them turn into ghouls and attack us?
March: Hmmm…
Queen's people: Dude, are you and Atlas a couple or what?
John: Shut up.
on Board “Boring ”
Storm: *Comes *
Tyrion: So this is what the widow was meant ...
Jores: *does not notice the storm, is writing to write an emotion *
Penny: I'm afraid! Let's hug!
Tyrion: O_O
Slavers: Hello.
Tyrion: Oh my god...
WINTERFELL
Dustin: Hi Theon. Let's go for a walk in the crypt while I tell you about my personal life.
Theon: WHAT THE FUCK! Am I a volunteer psychoanalyst or what?
Dustin: I hate the Starks. Hate them. Strongly. I used to have so much fucking... Like with Brandon. With my husband who died in the Tower of Joy.
Reader: What, what? From this place in more detail!
Dustin: Basically, I hate the Starks. Grrr. By the way, these statues do not have enough swords.
Theon: Are we done? I go to the godswood, to think about how terrible my life is.
TreeBran: Theon?
Theon: Was that tree talking to me? No, it must be a hallucination. Robb. Oh Robb. I should have died with you. *yearns*
Reader: THESE TWO HAVE BEEN CANON NOW.
Theon: I want to die.
Reader: Dude, you have a dagger. What is stopping you?
MEANWHILE IN THE SNOW WASTELAND
Napoleon Stannis: WE ARE NOT GIVING UP!
Asha: *rolls her eyes*
Mormont Girl: Even though your house has robbed us for centuries, let's be best friends.
Asha: Ok.
Reader: Is she pregnant? She didn't make moon tea.
Asshole Knight: Oh hello, kraken bitch! You really need to be burned!
Good Knight: Man, you're talking to a lady. Miss Asha, will you marry me? Oh please?
Asha: there are only idiots around me.
MIERIN
Barristan: Um, Your Majesty, I know you're in love with Daario, but you're about to get married.
Dany: So what?
Barristan: I remember your father and your mother. They got married to fulfill the prophecy. But your father was in love with Tywin's wife.
Reader: So Jaime/Cersei/Tirion are hidden Targs?
Quentin: Hey Dany! There is an old marriage contract that is not even about us, but about our brothers and sisters, and we have overcome thousands of dangers to get here .
.. Marry please?
Dany: Dude, are you serious? I'm getting married tomorrow and you are NOT sexy.
Quentin: *sad puppy dog eyes*
Reader: Dany, he may not be pretty, but YOU are a rude bitch.
ON THE WALL
Chalk: The night is dark and full of terrors. I kind of already talked about this.
John: Gray girl. Where is the gray girl?
Giant WUN WUN: *becomes the new favorite of the public*
Banker: Where's Stannis?
John: Freezing his balls somewhere.
Banker: Ok, gotta find him.
Unexpected Alice Karstark: Help me, Jon Van Snowby! You are my only hope!
Reader: WHAT?!
BRAAVOS
Good Old Man: Who are you?
Arya: Now Beth is blind.
SHD: LOL. *sneaks up and beats her up*
Arya: YOUR…
SHS: Go collect rumors.
Arya: *does so* *warps like a cat*
SHS: So what do you know?
Arya: You beat me up.
SCH: Right. Now you can see.
Reader: Wow, that was fast.
WINTERFELL: AND THERE IS NO ONE LEFT
Theon: People keep dying lately. I wonder whose hands this work is...
Reader: Black Fish? Mance? Real ghost? BENGEN? Your other me? Dustin? Ramsey?
Theon: Should talk to TreeBran again.
A few more people: *die*
Reader: Like Harrenhal 2.0.
Mysterious hooded figure: Hello traitor.
Theon: Wha… What do you want?
TFvK: YOUR DUUUUUSHAAAAAAA!
Theon: O_O
TFvK: Shutka. Show me the crypto.
Theon: I'm surrounded by Goth Po fans.
Fighting horns: *Time from somewhere outside *
Bolton: this is Stannis ...
*Cliffhenger! *
Auction of slave traders
Funny events: *occur *9000
Tyrion: *finally at its plate *
Jorah: *broken and more miserable than usual*
Reader: Oh, how ironic.
Penny:
Tyrion: Shut up, at least we're together.
Pale Mare: Hello! I'm still here!
Slaver: Now I'm waiting for something in the spirit of the Gladiator.
IN RIVER EARTH
First Jaime: Let's negotiate with unimportant characters and make fun of them.
Unimportant characters: *they are made fun of*
Jaime: By the way, we're in the Penny Tree now. Remember old master Dunk?
First Brienne: Hello, Jaime! The Dog has Sansa and he will kill her if you don't come after her! One!
Jaime: Sounds plausible.
Reader: Is there even ONE character with brains left in this book?
ON THE WALL
Alice & Magnar: *get married*
Reader: Wait, what?
Celise: *continues to be an annoying bitch*
Vel: Surprise! I came back! Tormund and his army are with me!
Marsh: Wasn't that part of our vow to "keep out of politics"?
MIERIN
Dany: Wedding feast and all!
Reader: Seriously, people.
Isn't it time for you to END with these weddings? Nothing good comes out of them.
Barristan: I don't like this at all. Suspicious.
Dany: Quent? Would you like to see my dragons?
Quentin: *smile*
Mance: Because you have to redeem yourself. And I have to finish the concert.
Theon: *sigh*
Freya: SOMEONE KILLED ONE OF THE WALDERS! (Still no one knows how to distinguish between them).
Remaining Walder: *very suspicious, but no one suspects him*
Manderly: LOL. I also have a problem, he would grow up and become Frey.
Freya: GRRRRRRRR! *attack Manderly*
Manderly's people: GRRRRR!
*battle description*
Ruse: STOP THIS CRAZY WITH THE NAME…umm…
King Robert's Ghost: I was better at that sort of thing.
Ruse: WE HAVE A COMMON ENEMY.
All: O_O Did you scream? JUDGMENT DAY IS NEAR: RUSE IS OUT OF HIMSELF!
Roose: *facepalm* Just go ahead and fight Stannis, ok?
All: Ok!
Spearmen: Come on, Theon! Time for an escape!
Rousse: Oh yes, Abel, play something soothing for these short-tempered idiots.
Mance: I take it "The Dornish Wife" won't work?
Theon and Spearmen: almost verbatim reproduce "sweet soup".
Theon: Hello Janey! We're going to run, you know?
Janey: *totally useless and crying*.
Theon: I have a bad feeling.
Spearmen: Phew, got out.
Guards: Oh hello - arrrrrgggghhh..
Janey: *screams* RUN!
They are running.
Spearman #4: They're shooting arrows... - *dies*
Theon: *Looks around. They actually shoot. Looks down. Well, the snow is soft...* Jesus take the wheel! *grabs Janey and jumps* VODKAAAAAAAAA!
MEERINE COLOSSEUM
Hizdahr: Citizens of MEERINE! IT'S TIME FOR THE GLADIATORS!
Plebeians: Hooray!
Hizdahr: Would you like some locusts, dear?
Denis: Yiwu.
Belwas: LOCUST! BELVAS LOVES LOCUST! Yum Yum Yum.
*gladiators fighting*
Dany: Boring.
*Tyrion vs Penny duel*
Hizdar: LOL. They don't know we're about to release the lions.
..
Dany: WHAT?! No lions, motherfucking!
Hizdar:
Tyrion and Penny are leaving!
More gladiator battles!
Meat! Blood! Naturalism!
Suddenly...
DROGON?
Dany: Drogon?!
Drogon: Dinner!
Upstart Dragon Slayer: LOL no.
Drogon: **
Hizdar: Kill the monster! Kill!
Dany: You know what? FUCK EVERYONE! *mounts Drogon* Drogon?
FLIGHT!
Drogon: Yes, mommy! *flies*
Reader: FINALLY!
ON THE WALL
Chalk: Blah blah. Beware of marching ides.
John: Mel, it's like NOVEMBER. Besides, I have to let 3,000 wildlings through the gate.
March: My lord, are you SURE this is a good idea?
John: Still sure.
B DARK CAMERA SEPTA BAYELOR
Cersei: I'm still losing my mind. And the old bitches won't let me sleep.
Sept 1: REPENT! REPENT!
Cersei: FUCK OFF.
Sept 2: Confess! Confess!
Cersei: NO!
Sept 2: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Reader: I confess!
Sept 2: Not you, nerd.
Cersei. Okay, I confess. I fucked Lancel, Osmund Kettleblack and a few others.
His Sparrow: What about Jaime?
Cersei: It's just a rumor!
His Sparrow: Frets. Do you want to meet someone?
Cersei: Yes. With Kevan.
Kevan: You idiot! By the way, Aris Oakheart is dead.
Cersei: Hurray! Tell Qyburn to get NonGregor ready!
MEERIN
Barristan: Hurray! I'm now POV!
Reader: Oh yes! It will highlight interesting events from the past!
Barristan: There are too many cursed stairs on these pyramids. Or I'm getting old. And Danny is gone.
Shaved: Hello, Barristan! Hizdahr definitely wanted to poison Dany, and Belwas is dying because of the locusts.
Barristan: Well, maybe he shouldn't have eaten a WHOLE PLATE!
Skinhead: Let's plot against Hizdar!
Harpy & co: LOL Dany is dead.
The dragon must have eaten it.
Barristan: Not my Dany! She is cool!
ON SHIP
Victarion: GRR. Damned monkeys. Damned storms. Damn injury.
Swarthy woman: …
Victarion: I hate Euron. I should probably throw you overboard.
Swarthy woman: …
Victarion: Let's have sex.
Maester: My lord, you will die if you don't let me cut off your hand!
Victarion: SHUT UP OR NO!
Sailor: My lord, we have found a strange priest! Should I force him to pass on the yardarm?
Victarion: No, let's take a look at him first.
Moqorro: Hello. I can heal your hand.
Victarion: Wait, how did you know...
Mocorro: And without any amputation! She will be better than ever!
*does some suspicious magic*
Victarion comes out of his cabin looking like he just fucked Miss Universe and all her girlfriends. He also has a smoking black magic hand.
Victarion: YOU.
GRAB MEISTER. AND GIVE IT TO THE DROWN GOD. RIGHT NOW.
Reader: Wow, he's starting to be cool.
CAMP AROUND MEERINE
Tyrion: Master is dying. We better get the hell out of here.
Penny: But what if we get caught?
Jorah: *follows them like a robot*
Reader: Awww, poor Jorah needs a hug...
Tyrion: Hello, Brown Ben. We betray our Queen, don't we?
Brown Ben: Hello, Imp. Are you running?
Tyrion: Yeah. Now let's hustle.
ON THE WALL
Tormund: Hi John!
John: Hello! Now let's watch an ENTIRE CHAPTER as your people walk through the gate.
Wildlings: *pass*
Tormund: *acts like Tormund*
Reader: I LOVE THIS DUDE.
John: Look at another warg.
Another eerie warg: THEY ARE CLOSE.
Reader: HURRY UP!
MEERIN
Shaved: Let's do more plots!
Barristan: Ok.
Skinhead: You capture Hizdar, we will control the situation.
Barristan: Sounds reasonable. Oh hi Quentin! Boy, GET OUT OF HERE. This place is dangerous.
Quentin: I'm brave!
Reader: Dude, when Barristan tells you to get out, you GO.
Quentin: LOL no.
*
Quentin: You know what guys? Let's DEFEAT THE DRAGONS!
Friends: Do you… realize that we are in PLYO, you only appeared in the fifth book, you are a minor POV, more than ¾ of the book has already passed and no one important has died yet?
Quentin: So?
Friends: *facepalm*
Reader: *facepalm*
Quentin: Hello Ragged Prince. I need help abducting dragons.
Ragged Prince: Why not? All I want is Pentos.
Quentin: Deal!
GRIF'S FORMER HOUSE
Connington: FINALLY! We have returned!
Random people: oyoyoy
Connington: By the way, Rhaegar stopped here and said that my castle was beautiful, and his silver hair was blowing in the wind and his violet eyes were just… just…
Fan fiction writers: *smirk like crazy*
BEREZINA STANNIS' CAMP
Stannis: Let's burn some cannibals.
Reader: Hmm... Manderly won't like this.
Asshole Knight: LOL kraken bitch, you're next.
Asha: Or you.
Ali: YOOOO.
Cannibals: TWYYY…
Stannis: *gloomy* *dreary* *gnashes teeth* *walks away to look at his flames*
Asshole Knight: *poisonous taunts*
Asha: Dude, I'm seriously going to cut off your manhood in the next book.
Reader: … And feed the goats?
Iron Banker: Hello!
Asha: BOLTONs!
Iron Banker: No, no, just me! Amici ! Friends!
Ironborn: Hello Miss Captain!
Asha: Tris? Quarl? Boys?!
Theon: Hi sister.
Asha: What… THEON?
Theon: YES. MY NAME IS OFFICIAL AGAIN THEON.
Reader: YEHUUU!
VICTARION AND HIS SHIP OF GOOD VIKING METAL
Victarion: That's enough, you useless scum! Let's grab some trophies because I'm bored.
Random Captured Sailor: Hello!
Victarion *lifts him by the throat with his cool magic hand* Where are the secret blueprints of the Death Star?
SPM: What?
Victarion: … Excuse me.
Not that show. So what happened to Daenerys?
SZM: kxxx... got married... kxxx
Victarion: I don't see a problem.
SZM: She also ran and got lost somewhere in the middle of the Dothraki Sea...
Victarion: So what, I'll just swim there and find her!
SZM: LOL you dumbass Dothraki Sea grass… hehe…arrrgggghhhhhh.
Victarion: *throws the body into the sea*. You will know how to make fun of me!
Moqorro: You promised to give something to R'hllor...
Victarion: Yeah. Take the pretty girls that DRRM will describe in great detail, take them to a free ship and set them on fire. May both gods receive an offering.
Girls: NOOOOO.
Victarion: LOL It seems I just invented ecumenism.
MEANWHILE IN BRAAVOS
UHR: Child, you must spy on this old man and find out how to kill him. Ready?
Arya: Of course.
Old dude who doesn't look like a greedy pawnbroker: *chews coins*
Arya: I hate him for no reason.
SHS: Ok, let's go get you a new face. Really ready?
Arya. Yeah.
SHR: *takes her to a creepy place full of faces. Ramsey would approve* Now close your eyes while we may or may not cut your face off.
Arya: Good.
Reader: O_O.
SHS: Okay, you have a new face. Get to work!
Arya: LOL I'll just feed him a poison coin.
SCNSNPZHR: *dies*
SHS: Congratulations, now you can be a killer. You also get a new face and a job that we'll keep under wraps until the next book...
Arya: I LIKE…
KING'S HANDING
Septa: Time for your whore march.
Cersei: I don't think it's a big deal.
Septa: We'll cut your hair first!
Cersei: No Godiva?
Septa: And ALL body hair!
Reader: Loras would approve.
Cersei: I'm not sure it was a good idea... father did the same to grandpa's whore...
Reader: Oh, what an IRONY.
Cersei: *procession*
Crowd: LOL Queen naked!
Cersei: * decisive *
Crowd: * throws objects *
Cersei: the first time is falling * Demoned to eject *
crowd: Lolololol
,Cersei: The second time * Night -in -arms *
Complex!
Cersei: FALLS for the third time.
Reader: *rolls eyes* Was it necessary to insert such a clear reference to Christ?
Cersei: *frightened, crawling/running towards the Red Keep, screaming* Tommen... Where is Tommen...
Kevan: Somebody put a cloak over her.
NonGregor: *ooooo gently picks up Cersei*
Reader: WOWUUUUUUU Now I'm stoking for them.
Qyburn: This is Robert Strong. He will kill all your enemies.
Cersei: OH YES…
CAMP PLUMMA
Tyrion: So how many papers do I have to sign?
Plumm: *puts half a thousand in front of him*
Tyrion: I want to sign in blood because I'm cool.
Plumm: Welcome to the Younger Sons, Lord Lannister.
Tyrion: How much for the armor?
Plumm: Wait, are we trading AGAIN?! Just... go get something.
Tyrion, Penny and Jorah walk past the worn armor.
Jorah: LOL my armor actually has nipples.
Reader: I swear if he uses that joke again …
MIERIN
Barristan prepares for battle.
Washable. Dressed in white. Whole. Highly. Solemnly.
Reader: *scared* Sounds like a samurai is about to die.
DON'T DARE die, sire!
Barristan: I loved Ashara Dayne.
Reader: ... And remembers past loves. Wait, what? Ashara?
Barristan: Who incidentally had a stillborn daughter by Stark.
Reader: What Stark? What Stark? Stop mocking us!
Barristan: Hello, Skinhead.
Skinhead: Now go get Hizdar. His guards are warriors from the fighting pits. But you can definitely go alone.
Barristan: Of course!
Reader: Is B. leading him into a trap or is he just that stupid?
Barristan: Hi, Hizdar. Why did you try to poison Dany?
Hizdar: Tried to do something?
Barristan: You're under arrest!
Fighting Pit Warrior: Not so fast Grandpa!
Barristan: Hizdar, step back.
Fighting Pit Warrior: Take off your armor, coward!
Barristan: COME TO ME BRO.
Fight.
Barristan kicks a warrior's unarmored ass from the fighting pit like a boss.
Hizdar: Please don't kill me!
Barristan: No, we're going to prison...
Random Servants: Um... we have a problem with dragons outside.
Barristan: What do you mean?
SS: I mean they are FREE!
Barristan: YOUR MOTHER.
*
MEANWHILE SOMEWHERE IN ANOTHER PART OF MEERINA
Quentin and his friends make their way into the pyramid like ninjas.
Quentin: Everything is going easier than I thought.
Dragon Pit Guard: This is your last chance to stay away from the dragons.
Quentin: Let's kill them guys.
Guard: Why does this always happen to me? I quit.
Quentin: So let's see... hello dragons!
Rhaegal: *angry*
Viserion: *depressed* Mommy's gone... Nobody loves us... I'm even more emo than Jon Snow... Hug me?
Quentin: LOL no, I'M WHIPING YOU!
Viserion:
Rhaegal: STOP HITTING MY LITTLE BROTHER! *epic fire breath*
Quentin: Wait, what? *realizes it's on fire* YOUOOOO…
Rhaegal: Come on, Wiz! Let's get out of here!
Viserion: Hurray!
MEANWHILE ON THE WALL
John: So, we're going to Hardvale.
This letter says that the ghouls are in the forest, water and so on. Sounds like a vacation trip, doesn't it?
Marsh: So... basically, you want to send us on another impossible quest to save a bunch of people who might all be FUCKING DEAD by the time we get there? Not to mention those FUCKING DEADS we might run into on our way there?
John: Yes, exactly.
March: *facepalm*
Ghost: Grrrrr. Grrrrr.
John: Shut up, Ghost. I know it's because of another warg and his boar. I still haven't sent him to another fortress. I just keep my direwolf locked up despite Mel's repeated warnings.
Reader: John, have you heard anything about Robb, Gray Wind and the Red Wedding?
Random Night's Watch Boy: L-Letter, Lord Commander.
John: Well, let's have it.
SPIND: It... it looks... intimidating.
John: What is it? "Bastard"?
Reader: Looks like Thorne...
John: Pink wax... skinned trollface on print... oh no.
Reader: Even WORSE than Thorne...
Pink letter:
HELLO BASTARD. I KILLED YOUR KING. I HAVE HIS MAGIC LIGHTSABER. AND HIS FRIENDS. AND HIS LITTLE DOG. TELL IT TO THE RED WHORE. AND BY THE WAY, YOU LIED. YOUR KING LIE. BURNED MANSA? HOW. HE IS WITH ME. IN A CAGE. AGAIN. HOW SYMBOLIC. THIS TIME TO FREEZE. AND BY THE WAY, I MADE HIM A NICE SPEAR COAT BY MY OWN DESIGN. SOON EVERYONE WILL WEAR THESE, YOU CAN BELIEVE ME. I WANT A FAKE KING'S WIFE AND DAUGHTER, MANSA'S DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AND HIS SON. I WANT MY WIFE AND MY STINK. THIS IS NOT DISCUSSED. ELSE I WILL COME AND KICK YOUR LITTLE EMO ASS. 9P.S. GO TO FUCK.
John: *no words*
Reader: NOOOOO! It can't be! Not my Stannis, you bastard! NOT MY MANSA!
John: Listen! Wildlings! Watch! We're heading south and wipe Ramsey from the face of Westeros!
Wildlings: YOHOOOO!
Watch: Hmm.
Reader: Wait…. no one is surprised that Mance is alive?
John: Well, now I guess I should tell Celise and Mel.
..
*snowy street, epic carnage*
Wun Wun: So you thought you could kidnap Vel? *tears Ser Patrek to pieces*
Ser Patrek: *bloods all over his starcloak*
Queen's people: GRRR!
Patrol: GRRR!
John: Stop it! Stop! Put those damn swords away about...
Random sentinel: *DOES NOT CLEAR*
John: Dude, what the fuck are you doing? You cut me. Stop waving that thing around, it's dangerous.
SD: For the Watch.
John: *unarmed. Suddenly unable to draw sword*
March: * crying * For Watch. *hit*
Reader: WHAT. NO. NOOOOO. JUST NOT AGAIN!
John: And… you… Bowen? *pulls out a dagger. Wound smoking *
Invisible third conspirator: *strike*
John: Ghost... *falls into snow*
*CLIFFHANGER!*
Reader: No, no. You read it wrong. John can't be dead. He'll be that cool Azor Ahai and all, right? IS IT TRUE?
MEERIN
Missandei: I think poor Quentin is dead now.
Barristan: Long overdue. Three days have passed.
Reader: THREE DAYS? DRRM, you sadistic bastard!
Barristan: It seems like a good time to say "sleep well, sweet prince."
Missandei: Poor boy.
Reader: Missandei, you are my hero.
Barristan: So guys...let's have a roundtable and sort things out.
Yunkai: *throwing dead people into town*
Barristan: Looks like it's time for another cliffhanger. See you in the Winds of Winter.
Reader: Are you fucking kidding me?
DOTHRAKI SEA
Dany: I abandoned everyone because Drogon doesn't want to fly to Meereen. I also have diarrhea, I bleed and I may have had a miscarriage and heatstroke, plus I'm even more boring than usual.
Reader: WHAT? I was waiting for your latest chapter for THIS? Not for your return with a huge Dothraki army on the back of a damn dragon?!
Dany: I also get stuck on those berries and I see Viserys and Jorah and something.
