Bryant's Testimony
Once upon a time there lived a man named Jesus Christ. He came from heaven to earth as a messenger of truth and a saving sacrifice for a sinful world. This, the Son of God, died upon a cross and the sins of us all were placed on His shoulders. Three days later He arose to eternal glory at the right hand of the Father. By His sacrifice, the gates of heaven have been opened to all who hear this gospel and accept it in their hearts. These are made children of God to live in His loving arms forever. Amen.
�Yeah, right,� says a voice from my past. �Who could possibly be so gullible to believe in such a fantastic story? It�s a nice story and all, but that�s all it is. Only a fool would entrust his whole life to such a tall tale. In truth, reality is a far harsher master than this.�
For the majority of my life, this was my attitude towards what I now hold so sacred. For nineteen years I called myself a Christian because I went to church every now and then and celebrated the Christian holidays. I viewed the term �Christian� as meaning �relatively moral person,� and in my eyes that was what I was. I was a �Christian� who on occasion doubted the existence of God and viewed Jesus as nothing more than a good guy who supposedly lived two thousand years ago and founded Christianity. Beyond that, He was only a man, deified by popular tradition.
Perhaps when I was younger, I was not quite so �rational� about Christianity. I remember when my grandfather died. I went to his funeral and saw him lying there in an open casket. I tried to feel sorry for him like those around me, yet I could not cry for him. I knew he was in a good place, and if that were true, why cry? I would see him again eventually. In this and other times of need, I believed in God and in heaven. Unfortunately, I had no foundation, and whatever faith I had became a faith of convenience. When the real world called, any thoughts of God quickly rushed to the back of my mind.
As I grew, I learned that I did not really need God to be happy. I could be perfectly content in my lust, greed, covetousness, selfishness, and every other ungodly thing that the world holds in such high esteem, and those are the things I sought. I was quite the average Joe, if not a little out of place sometimes for my natural quietness. At least that was how I portrayed myself to the world. On the outside, I was honorable, moral, respectful, gracious, a man of integrity to the end. Inside, I was rapidly deteriorating into the worst kind of sinner. I could feel death welling up inside me, but at that point, death was all I knew.
Grasping at lust, I worshipped terrible images in my mind. Grasping at pride, I put the whole world on a pedestal and made myself subject to its judgement of my value as a person. Grasping at greed, I set my eyes on all the material and immaterial riches the world had to offer. All of these I suffered only to bring me closer to the emptiness that continued to grow within me with each desperate thought. Still, these things were all I had, and I coveted them as an enticing scent on the wind, quick to please and soon to vanish, leaving me to want all over again.
By the time I was a senior in high school, even the mention of Jesus Christ had become almost revolting to me, and certainly I could never bear to speak His name myself except on those wonderful occasions when Christian tradition gave me a few days away from school. I graduated from high school quite unhappy with the way my life was headed and with a new hope in the freedom and new experiences of college. I think a part of me knew I needed some kind of salvation, but again I looked to the wrong place to find it. I was sure that once I went to college, all my problems would be solved.
Not so. Though I had a great deal of fun my freshman year with all the drinking and parties, new friends, and exciting nights out on the town doing all the stupid things that freshman do, I was still very much empty. In addition to my wilder adventures, I was constantly on the lookout for a girlfriend who would finally make me complete, yet no woman could provide what I needed. I needed someone who knew me inside and out, who loved me completely simply for who I am. Only God can give such love, yet in my mind, the only God I had ever heard of was nothing more than a character in the story of Christianity.
I finished that year looking to the next as a new and better savior than my freshman experience. I determined to get in the best shape of my life, and when I returned in the fall, I would find happiness in my new and improved physical form and the acceptance that it invited. Strangely enough, two weeks before the start of my sophomore year, quite by chance it seemed at the time, I picked up a Bible my grandmother had given me many years before. I decided that if so many people found this book worthy of an entire religion, perhaps these principles were worth considering. I had nothing to lose, so I began to read.
I kept up my reading nearly halfway into the semester before I finally broke down and sought out help in understanding the Scriptures. I could read the words, but I had no clear conception of what they were saying, and the questions were piling up fast. I was fighting nearly twenty years of doubts, and though the hopeful message of the Gospel did not escape my attention, my doubts had to be addressed, and effectively so, before I would even consider making such a life-changing decision. It was then that I began attending Campus Crusade for Christ.
Bible studies in addition to individual meetings with some of Crusade�s leaders over the next couple of months slowly began to inform my view of the world, but by the semester�s end, I still had so many unanswered questions. Of course, laziness had begun to set in as classes were winding down, and I was ready for a break from school. I figured God could wait until next semester as well. God, however, had other plans.
In what seemed at the time a rather chance conversation between me and a girl I had asked to my fraternity�s Christmas dinner, we somehow began talking about Crusade�s Christmas Conference to be held over Christmas vacation. I had earlier assured myself that my time would be better spent at home doing more �important� things, but after talking to her, I decided to give it a shot.
The semester ended, and before long I was in Atlanta shortly after Christmas. After a few days of enlightening speeches and seminars, I found myself talking to D-Robbs, my bible study leader at the time, late one night in my hotel room. For two hours we talked. He listened to my story and responded with scriptures and illustrations. Though I wanted to believe, I remained quite skeptical throughout our discussion. After revealing a particularly personal episode in my life, David read to me the following scripture out of Ephesians 6:10-18:
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil�s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
It was at this point that the gears began to turn. God is the ultimate spiritual defense against all evil, and in accepting Him these defenses would be mine to don. This was clear from the passage, yet it was not what I would receive that struck me but rather what had already been given. I began to recount in my mind all the fortunate �coincidences� that had occurred in my life. I recalled when I had fallen through a rotten tree house, landing amidst numerous skyward pointing nails without so much as a scratch; when I had crossed a rotten log nearly twenty feet off of the ground, avoiding severe injury by inches as it plunged to the ground the second I was over; when I was rock climbing and nearly slipped off a wet rock a hundred feet above flat ground but caught myself at the last moment on a thin, conveniently placed foothold on the otherwise flat rock face. The list went on and on.
Even as I talked to David, I realized that I had done enough stupid things in my life to be killed a thousand times over. Yet somehow I was still alive. Though some instances could be passed off as mere happenstance, I began to consider how unlikely the possibility that mere chance could carry me through so many potentially fatal events virtually unscathed. As my mind unraveled, I shared a thought or two more with David before we parted ways for the night.
Though he left without seeing any real change, my thoughts stirred on into the night. They ventured from the material events in which God had been present to those times when God had shielded me spiritually from far deeper evils that until now had been cleverly concealed from my sight. He had been there in every instance, always near me, always protecting me. Even when I questioned His existence, He remained my protector. And now, He had seen me safely to this moment so that I might see the deep love He had always had for me, a love which until this time of deliberation, I had held as nothing more that a nice story. What kind of God was this who would remain so faithful to one so selfish and cruel? He was my God. He was my Savior.
On that night, I clasped my hands together and assumed the humblest posture I knew how. My heart beat rampantly as the moment of decision drew near. The doubts I had harbored returned to make one final strike on my willing mind, one final plea for me to return to my senses. Then they were gone. With trembling body and tear-filled eyes, I gave my life to Christ. In a single moment, my whole life changed. I was finally alive!
It took some time for my heart to calm after the intensity of those few brief moments. As my thoughts returned to their normal practical style, I could hardly believe what I had just done. I had made a commitment to God. This was no simple matter. What would become of me now? What of my life? I pushed these thoughts aside for a time and relaxed in the wonderful thankfulness of a man redeemed. As a newborn infant, I rested in the arms of my Father and slowly drifted to sleep.
Since that day, my life has taken a completely different direction from anything I had ever expected. After spending four years and taking 176 hours of classes earning a double major in engineering, I was called to seminary, never to use in an official capacity the degrees I'd spent so long pursuing. After spending four more years at seminary learning ancient languages, theology, and philosophy for my masters degree, God saw fit to call me out of the Ph.D. program and into the world of ballroom dancing, calling me to put aside my lifelong aspirations of earning a doctorate. Even so, every unexpected transition has proven a most gracious blessing, and I'm confident the end is worth the sacrifice. Why? Because, after spending my whole life living for myself, God sacrificed everything for me, so that I could have the unparalleled privilege of living for Him.
As I write this, I have been a Christian for just over nine years, and I can attest that in all my doubts and disobedience, God has remained faithful to me without exception. He has given me everything that I do not deserve and has loved me as no other ever could. I have no regrets in having chosen to follow Him. I regret only the times I chose otherwise. By God�s eternal grace and mercy, even those regrets are lost to the past. I can say without a doubt left in my mind, there is nothing better than having an eternal and wonderfully fulfilling relationship with one�s Creator.
